Mixed Signals
by DaisyDay
Summary: While working on a case together, Carisi and Rollins become closer.
1. Chapter 1

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MIXED SIGNALS

Chapter 1

 _Some people were born to be great cops._

 _Others take a little longer to become one._

 _Sonny Carisi seemed to be the latter._

At least that was what Amanda Rollins was thinking as she sat at her desk and watched Carisi from across the squad room. He was busy typing his report and was oblivious to her pensively observing him.

 _From Amanda's viewpoint, when Carisi began working here, he seemed rough around the edges and inexperienced as a rookie detective. In fact, he had become the running joke in the squad room._

 _But then everyone, including herself, had underestimated him._

 _Amanda couldn't recall when it happened, but slowly Carisi became the competent, tough, reliable detective he is today._

As she continued her private thoughts regarding Carisi, he unexpectedly looked up from his work and their eyes were locked from across the room seconds longer than necessary.

Color rose to Amanda cheeks at her being caught staring at him.

She wanted to look away, but as usual, she would confront the situation. First, she cleared her throat.

"Sooooo Carisi, you've got that report typed up yet?" she asked, loud enough so others within listening distance would hear, "I don't want the higher ups breathing down our throats over late reports."

At first a puzzled scowl appeared on his face and then it disappeared just as quickly.

"Not even close," he recovered, "you know how I am; it takes forever for me to type up these reports 'bein' a hunt 'n peck kind of guy."

Finn overheard the comment and casually added, "Hunt 'n peck is my style, too. That's why I type with as few as words as possible. My reports all read like tweets!"

Shaking her head, Amanda softly chuckled and went back to her paperwork. She was glad to get out of the awkward moment, yet still wondering what Carisi had been thinking in that split second when their eyes met.

Their shared moment was forgotten as the squad room became once more a place of police business again when a woman from outside entered the precinct.

The female had inconspicuously walked in and stood at the middle of the room, looking lost, as she glanced about. Even without make up, the early 30's brunette woman was attractive looking. Yet her prettiness was in contrast to her rather plain clothing, consisting of a tee shirt with mom jeans, tennis shoes, with a navy windbreaker worn over them.

She didn't say a word as her moist, brown eyes scanned the room.

Through her office window, Olivia Benson had seen the woman entering the squad room and went out to investigate.

"Hello, " Olivia tried to appear open yet businesslike, "I'm Lieutenant Benson, commanding officer here. May we help you?"

The woman slowly turned towards Olivia.

"I-I'm not sure..." she confessed, her eyes darting back and forth.

She obviously appeared frightened of something. Her eyes now focused towards the back, in the direction of the exit door. She looked like a caught deer needing to escape.

Upon closer observation, Olivia saw a slight bruise beneath the woman's right eye, despite the woman attempting to cover it up with concealer.

"Do you want to talk with someone?" Olivia tried to sound understanding and accommodating, "Anything you tell us will be held in the strictest of confidences; we're here to help you any way that we can _._ "

"What?" the woman's eyes widened with fear, "Help? No, I..." she began to confusingly back away towards the exit.

Amanda immediately sprang up from her desk and approached the woman, intent on dissuading the woman from leaving.

"There's no need for you to go just yet, is there?" Amanda tried to sound very casual in order to buy time, "I mean, you just came from outside, and it's still pretty cold out there, right?"

The woman hesitated.

She looked unsure as she took another anxious look towards the exit, "...I-I've come to the wrong place...I'll go now..."

Now Carisi came forward.

"You want some coffee, Miss? Or how about some hot chocolate?" he invitingly asked and then his eyes became excited, "Better yet, you'll love our hot tea! We have all sorts of tea, but my personal favorite is peppermint tea 'cuz it's very soothin'. Doesn't that sound great?"

The woman now switched her sight to Carisi. She gave him a slow once over and then her face softened a bit.

"Peppermint tea? T-That sounds.." her mind worked to find the right word, "... _nice_..."

Olivia and Amanda exchanged looks.

It was obvious who the woman felt most comfortable with.

"Great!" Olivia brightly smiled, "so, Detective Carisi... why don't you take Miss, uh..."

"It's _Mrs_.," the woman corrected Olivia, "Last name is McMasters."

"Fine," Olivia felt encouraged, "So Detective Carisi, please take Mrs. McMasters into the..." at first she was going to say the interrogation room, but thought better of it, "...conference room?"

"Sure thing, Lieutenant," Carisi complied, as he gestured the direction, "This way, Mrs. McMasters, and we'll get you all set up..."

"You'll be with me in the room, right?" she asked tentatively of Carisi.

"Me and the peppermint tea will definitely be with you, I promise," Carisi assured her, "the room's down the hallway over there..."

Olivia and Amanda watched Carisi and the woman walk down the hallway until they disappeared in the room.

"She looks scared," Amanda opinioned.

"So I've noticed," Olivia stated, "And did you notice that bruise below her eye?"

"I did," Amanda concurred, "And from the way she's casually dressed, she certainly wasn't out on a hot date; my guess is that the culprit is either a long-term boyfriend or husband. You want me to help Carisi question her?"

Olivia nodded, "I think that'll be a good idea. The woman might appreciate a female presence," she then added, "but let Carisi take the lead; it seems like he's already developed some kind of rapport with her."

Amanda noticed that, too, but didn't say it.

"Fine by me," she acknowledged as she headed down the hallway.

.

By the time Amanda had entered the visitor's room, Carisi had two mugs on the table as he sat opposite the woman. They both both turned their heads when Amanda entered.

"You're just in time, Detective," Carisi stated invitingly, "We had just settled down with our drinks. I can fix you up one real quick, if you want."

 _He's acting like this is a tea party_ , Amanda thought. Although Carisi's approach was more empathetic, Amanda felt sometimes one needed to press victims if they wanted answers. For now, however, she would play it non-threatening. She answered the question about the drink with, "None for me, thanks."

"Okay, then," Carisi next made introductions, "Detective Rollins, this is Laura McMasters."

They exchanged greetings. Laura then leaned over towards Carisi, as if she were telling him a secret.

 _"Uh, Detective, is it really necessary to have another detective here?"_ she whispered as her eyes wandered over in the direction of Amanda.

Unfortunately it was said loud enough so that Amanda heard the comment

"If I'm not needed here," Amanda commented while gesturing at the outside door, "I can go out and finish my typ..."

"No need for you to go, Detective," Carisi quickly interjected, " I think we could always use another good listening ear. Have a seat."

Amanda had no choice, "O- _kaaay_."

Clearing her throat, she went and sat next to Carisi facing Laura McMasters, who still viewed Amanda with trepidation. Once Amanda had settled in, Carisi addressed Laura.

"So, Mrs. McMasters, anything you want to talk in particular?" he asked her, deciding to start the talk off slowly.

Laura's hand was shaking as she took a sip of her tea. Putting down her mug, she looked guardedly at Carisi.

"I-I..." she was stuttering, so she took a deep breath in and began again, "...I really don't know if I want to say anything at all."

Then she looked down and was silent again.

This was going nowhere fast.

And it was driving Amanda crazy.

So she decided to be direct.

Sometimes victims needed that.

"If you don't want to talk about what you came here for..." Amanda began, "...how about just giving us the name of the person who hit you?"

Carisi shot Rollins a look of surprise at her bluntness.

Meanwhile Laura's hand flew up to her right bruised eye and when she realized what she was doing, she quickly put her hand back down and darted a look at Carisi.

 _"I...I'm not sure what she means..."_

Amanda would not back down _._

"We can easily see the bruise below your eye," Amanda plainly stated, "Who assaulted you, Mrs. McMasters?"

Laura shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Carisi backed Amanda up.

"Just give us a first name, if you want," he encouraged her, "Once you say it, it might even make you feel better."

It was obvious from her uncertainty that Laura McMasters was vacillating as to whether to answer with name. When at last she decided, she looked anxiously over at Carisi.

 _"Jack,"_ she managed to choke out.

Carisi and Amanda felt relieved. Some progress at last.

"Jack," Carisi repeated the name and then very gingerly asked, "is he...your boyfriend?"

She shook her head.

"Your husband?"

They waited. It took some time, but at last she nodded, her lip bottom trembling.

"So you wish to file a complaint?" Amanda asked, as she slid a yellow legal pad and pen towards her.

Laura's eyes widened in fright at the sight of the pad. She clammed up again, looking down on her lap.

"Mrs. McMasters," Carisi took a different approach, "Jack is why you are here, right?"

At the sound of his name, she looked scared again.

"No!" but she stated it too loudly and took a deep breath out, "...I mean... _yes_..." she admitted at last.

"So you do want to file a complaint," Amanda stated it like a fact.

"No," Laura shook her head vigorously, "no I'm not here for a complaint."

Carisi gave her his most sympathetic look, "Then why are you here?"

Laura bit her lower lip and stared at him for a time, as if determining whether or not she should trust him. She then looked back at her lap as if she had shut down. Amanda opened her mouth to say something until Carisi gave her a look which said don't rush her. Amanda impatiently leaned back with a scowl.

The room had been silent for a time when at last Laura looked back at Carisi with determined eyes.

"I-I'm here," she shakily began, "because..." she swallowed and then continued, "...because I need you to stop me... from shooting Jack dead!"

.

.

 _Hi! I'm so excited yet nervous about posting this story! Let me know what you think!_

 _Please review_

 _._


	2. Chapter 2

So Many Questions

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Chapter 2

In the conference room, a timidly bruised Laura McMasters just confessed to Carisi and Rollins that she had thoughts of shooting her husband. And the instant the words came out, she instantly regretted it.

"No, that came out wrong!" Laura looked scared again, "I didn't mean that! Of course I wouldn't shoot my husband! I-I wasn't thinking right..." she looked absolutely miserable, "Coming here was a mistake. I...should go..."

Laura began to get up.

Carisi put his hand out to delay her, "Just hoooold on, there, now,Mrs. McMasters. Let's just cool our jets a bit. We're not here to upset you, Mrs. McMasters."

"Detective Carisi is right," Amanda concurred, "Just...have a seat and let's start over again with our talk, okay? _"_

Laura considered their words. She then lowered herself as Carisi and Rollins both look relieved. She then decisively shook her head, "I'll stay, _but_... I don't want to talk about...what we just talked about. C-Can we talk about something else?"

Carisi and Rollins exchanged looks.

"Yeah, suure, we can do that..." Carisi nodded.. He next casually asked, " _so_ , ...do you...have any kids?"

Laura seem to relax as she glanced Carisi's way and gave him a half-smile.

"Two," she stated, "Christopher, my son, is 14, and Caroline, my daughter, is 17. They'll great kids."

She then went on to talk a little about the kids, which was making Amanda impatient again. After what she felt was the appropriate time, Amanda veered the topic back to why Laura McMasters was here.

"Your children sound wonderful...," Amanda began and then added, "and did they also witness when you got that bruise on your eye?"

Laura's eye's widened. Carisi shot Amanda a look.

"I told you," Laura snapped, "I don't want to talk about that night!"

Amanda quickly put it in perspective of Laura's kids, "Look, I only asked because we need to know if your children were witness to something they shouldn't have; if you had put them in danger."

Laura's eyes were getting watery again as she stubbornly shook her head, "I would never put them in danger! Never!"

The detectives were getting nowhere with her.

"Yeah, sure, Mrs. McMasters," Carisi tried a non-accusatory approach, "Then how 'bout you answer just this one question about Jack for us? We just need to know one thing about him"

Laura took a deep breath, "Alright. Ask."

"Last night when your husband confronted you, is that the only mark he left on you? Any other bruises?" Carisi inquired and then to make it easy for her, "and if you don't want to say outloud...just point."

Laura thought about the request. She sat up, as if that would help maintain her dignity

"H-here...," she shakily indicated her shoulder with her index finger, and then she pointed to her stomach, "and here."

Carisi nodded, then cautiously questioned, "I bet it's not the first time he's done that. He's hit you before, hasn't he?"

Laura scrunched up her face as if she were trying not to cry. She nodded as new tears surfaced. It made Carisi reach into his jacket for some folded tissues and he handed them to her. Laura silently accepted them and blotted her tears.

"Thank you."

Carisi gently asked, "You know that you didn't deserve that, right?"

"Yes," she nodded. Her voice came out almost like a whispter, " _I'm no fool_."

"We know you're not," Carisi acknowledged, "So, what happened that caused him to hit you this last time?"

Laura shook her head. When she looked at Carisi, her tears had been wiped away and she had a defiant look.

"Does it really matter the reasons why?" she bitterly asked, "I'm sure you've heard the story of an abused wife before. _The kids aren't quiet enough, the meal isn't hot tonight, or the house is always so messy._.." she sniffed, " _the reasons are always small but the hurtings are always big."_

The detectives were definitely making headway.

Amanda then asked, "Did the kids witness any of what your husband did to you this last time, Mrs. McMasters?"

When Laura slowly turned Amanda's way, she had a defiant look.

"I told you...I don't want to involve them!"

"We understand," Carisi jumped in, "but we are trying to safeguard your children. They deserve to be protected."

 _For the children._

Laura McMaster guiltily looked down and mumbled her answer.

"He's never touched them _that_ way, but they were... _there..._ with us _..._ when we argued last night. They _saw_ what he did to _me_." Her fingers played with the crumbled up tissue in her hands, "I-I didn't mean for them to see anything."

"Of course you didn't," Carisi consoled.

I just hope.." she shook her head sadly, "I just hope that they don't hate him..for what he did to me."

"They'll recover from this," Amanda sagely stated, "Kids can love their parents even though they hate what they _do._ Kids are resilient that way."

 _"Really?_ And you know this for a fact, Detective? _"_ Laura sounded harsh as she looked Amanda's way, "And how many teenagers do _you_ have, Detective?"

Amanda didn't skip a beat, "Unfortunately, I've heard and seen enough teenagers in abused households to know that as a fact, Mrs. McMasters. You were right to come here. We can help them through an ordeal like this."

Laura didn't seem to appreciate the offering to help her children as she stiffly stood.

"I assure you there's no _ordeal_ to deal with!" she sounded defensive, "I should just go; It'll be dinnertime soon. And Jack is always hungry the minute he steps in the doorway. I shouldn't have come here!"

She picked up her purse as Carisi and Rollins also stood.

Amanda warned, "Maybe facing your husband isn't the best thing for you to do tonight."

"Detective Rollins is right," Carisi agreed, "the situation could be volatile. Do you have somewhere else you and the kids can go tonight?"

She shook her head, "No. Nowhere."

"You and your children can go to a shelter," Amanda quickly suggested, "we have a good one that we can recommend for the three of you. There are good counselors there who can help all three of you, and your husband will never know the location. You and the kids will be safe."

"A shelter? NO!" Laura defiantly shook her head, as defiance filled her eyes again, "We do NOT need to leave the house! I _knew_ you wouldn't understand my situation!" her eyes flashed before she calmed down again, "my husband, Jack...he's...a _good_ man...most of the time...He p-provides for us. It's just...I should go!"

She started for the door, but Carisi had one more question for her.

"Wait! Mrs. McMasters, did you drive here?"

Laura turned back around, "Pardon?"

"I mean...you're a bit shaken up, and I wouldn't advise you to drive," Carisi spoke faster than usual, "And if you took the bus to get here, it would be a long ride home. The least I could do is to offer my services and drive you home..."

She considered his offer.

"I took the subway, but..." she hesitated but then gave him a grateful smile, "driving me home. Yes... that would be nice if you could drive me home. Thank you."

"I'll come, too," Amanda piped in.

The brightness in Laura's eyes disappeared and she mumbled to Carisi.

 _"I don't think I'll need two detectives."_

But again, Amanda had heard it.

"Not sure your husband would appreciate you being driven home by a male officer," Amanda countered, well aware of other cases with abusive, jealous husbands .

Carisi got her point, "Maybe it's best I don't even go...perhaps Detective Rollins can just driv-"

"No!" Laura quickly interjected as she calmly added, "the _two_ of you will be fine."

.

.

After dropping Laura off at her home, Rollins and Carisi were driving back to the precinct. Rollins was behind the wheel while Carisi on the passenger side as they waited for the light to change.

"So what did you think about Mrs. McMasters?" Carisi asked as he looked out the window at the traffic.

"There were two things I noticed about her," Amanda observed.

"What's that?"

"One, I think she's scared, and two," she looked directly at him, " _she's taken a liking to you."_

It was a green light and she proceeded forward as once again, while Carisi fumbled about with a response.

"You couldn't be more wrong about the second part, Rollins," Carisi stated with certainty, "Besides, she's a married woman...with a _husband._ "

Amanda rolled her eyes. Sometimes Carisi could be so naive.

"And your point?" she cynically asked.

"My point is..." Carisi commented, "is that she is an abused woman who needs help."

Amanda had to admit that part was certainly true.

 _Yet, why had it bothered her so much what Laura McMasters thought of Carisi?_

"Yeah, Laura McMasters does need help, I agree with you there," Amanda concurred, "She's the type that's looking for a knight in shining armor to save her."

The implication was clear and Carisi glanced over Amanda's way with a strange look on his face, as if she were growing pineapples out of her ears. Then he shook his head.

"Rollins, I just don't get you sometimes," he announced.

Amanda was puzzled in herself as well. Ever since the appearance of that McMasters woman, Amanda has been feeling out of sorts with Carisi. The more attention the other woman paid Carisi, the more it bothered Amanda.

And so they rode in silence the rest of the way to the precinct.

.

.

It was late at night in Carisi's tiny apartment. Although he was reading the news on his laptop, his mind wasn't really concentrating on the words.

He was reflecting back earlier at catching Rollins staring at him...it was like he was the prized pig at a fair. And then her later comments about Laura McMasters possible attraction to him had almost bordered on being jealous.

Had he imagined all that?

Buzz!Buzz!

His eyes shot over to the ringing of his cellphone. Grabbing it, he saw from the ID it was from the Lieutenant. A late night call from her was never a good thing. He pushed the button and placed the phone to his ear.

"Carisi here."

"Carisi," Olivia stated in her usual businesslike way, "I know it's late, but I'm calling about that abused victim you spoke with earlier today."

The hairs on the back of Carisi's neck stood straight up.

"Yeah, Laura McMasters," he acknowledged and then tentatively asked, "Uh, she's alright, isn't she?"

Olivia didn't mince words, "It's best you get over here to her place as fast as you can."

 _Uh-oh_

"Lieu, is she...?"

"She's fine," the Lieutenant quickly answered, "but this call is regarding her husband, Jack McMasters."

Carisi scowled, "What about him?"

He heard a sigh from Olivia's end.

"Jack McMasters was found shot to death at his home tonight," she bluntly reported.

.

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 _Please review_


	3. Chapter 3

Awkwardness

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Chapter 3

The McMasters' house was surrounded by three police car vehicles with flashing lights. Squawking voices from speakers could also be heard as police officers mulled about.

The driveway area of the house had been condoned off with yellow crime scene tape, highlighting the area where the dead body of Jack McMasters had fallen. Amanda Rollins was already on site, scribbling on the notepad. As Carisi approached her, he had to hide his pleasure upon seeing her.

"Hey, Rollins," he greeted her.

She looked up and a spark appeared in her eyes but then just as quickly dissipated.

"So you got the call, too," Amanda stated solemnly as other officers continued gathering the evidence.

"I did, but I sure didn't expect the call to be about THIS," Carisi commented as he stared down at the covered body.

Both were remembering how wife of the victim, Laura McMasters, had earlier threatened to shoot her husband, but neither brought it up now.

Carisi glumly asked, "So what've you got so far?"

Amanda gestured towards the body, "We have actuary victim Jack McMasters, age 38."

Carisi looked slightly puzzled, "You mean, _actually?_ "

"No, _actuary_. He was actually an actuary," Amanda half-smiled at the play on words, "Yeah, I had to look that up, too. Turns out he works for an insurance company as an _actuar_ y. His job was to analyze the financial consequences of risk for its company's clients. This requires..." she referred to her pad, " a lot of knowledge of calculus-based probability, economics and business procedures. From what I can conclude, it's a real loner job."

"I can see why," Carisi straight-faced.

"So anyway," continued Amanda, "the victim was gunned down in the driveway of his home, a single shot to the chest."

"And the murder weapon?" Carisi asked.

Amanda shrugged, "Missing. Evidently, the killer took it with him or her."

Carisi digested the information,"Anything else I should know?"

"Not really since you already know that he leaves behind a wife and two kids."

"Speaking of which, where is Laura McMasters now?" Carisi asked, as he looked around, "Was she a witness to the shooting?" he then gave Amanda a questioning look, "...or was she the one who..."

"...is a person of interest," Amanda informed him, "I was waiting for you to arrive so that we could question her together. She's in the house with her two kids."

Carisi nodded, "Then let's go 'n question her."

They started up the walkway to the house.

"Are we going to give her the lady cop/handsome cop routine?" Amanda sardonically asked as they continued walking.

Carisi looked slightly irked, "You're still on that, eh?"

"Come on, Carisi, can't you take a little joke?" she jabbed as they arrived at the front door.

"I can if I heard one," he retorted back. He then gave her a sideways glance, "You know, Rollins, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were a little jealous!"

Amanda was glad it was dark outside, so that he couldn't see that her cheeks had suddenly turned red.

 _"Jealous?"_ she asked incredulously, as she attempted a snide answer back, "Yeah, I'm _always_ jealous of people involved in murders...those people are always SO lucky!"

.

The living room door was unlocked as Rollins and Carisi walked in. An officer was standing watch. Sitting on the sofa was Laura McMasters, her son and daughter huddled next to her. They all looked sad and teary-eyed.

When Laura McMasters spotted Carisi, however, her eyes actually seemed to brighten a bit.

"Detective Carisi, hello! And Detective, uh,..." she obviously had forgotten Amanda's name.

"-Rollins," Amanda quickly filled in.

"Yes, of course," Laura acknowledged, "-Detective Rollins. These are my kids, Caroline and Christopher."

The detectives exchanged greetings, while the children nodded as acknowledgement.

"You mind if the kids are taken to another room, Mrs. McMasters?" Carisi asked, "we have a few questions for you."

"Of course," Laura said, sounding accommodating, "Kids, why don't you go with the officer to the kitchen and get a snack and drinks?"

The children seemed reluctant, but they got off the sofa and left. Once they were gone, Laura gestured to the sofa.

"Have a seat," Laura invited as Carisi and Amanda sat down.

"First, we'd like to give our condolences," Carisi sounded sincere.

Laura looked his way and with slightly teary eyes.

"Thank you, Detective," she sniffed.

"Why don't you tell us what happened tonight?" Amanda stated, getting down to business.

Laura barely acknowledged Amanda as she heaved a sigh.

"I'll try. It began when Jack and I had another argument about his wanting to go out to drink," she explained, a bitter look on her face, "because the fight was escalating, my daughter Caroline had left and walked to a friend's house, while Christopher ran up to his room. Our arguing continued. It was getting louder and angrier and finally Jack said he was leaving for the night. I begged him not to go and when I tried to stop him, he roughly pushed me down. He left the house to get in the car, which had been parked in the driveway. Then from the outside, I heard a loud bang sound. Never did I think..."

Her voice faltered and she had trouble continuing.

"You're doing great," Carisi gently encouraged, "Take your time, Mrs. McMasters."

She took a deep breath.

"Yes, thank you, let me gather my thoughts...So then I ran outside..." her bottom lip began trembling at the memory, "and t-that's when I found him...lying by the car in the driveway...b-blood gushing from his chest...it was awful!"

New tears began to well up in her eyes.

Then just like before, Carisi reached into his jacket pocket and produced a folded tissue which Laura accepted gratefully. Amanda was busy writing the facts down.

"Sorry you had to witness such a scene," Carisi commiserated, "I'm sure it was quite horrific for you."

"It was," Laura sniffed, looking down and fumbling with the rolled up tissue in her hands, "Truthfully, I feel guilty about...about what happened... I-I _should_ have kept Jack in the house tonight, but he was _so_ mad! I thought he might attack me again so I was relieved when he left," she shook her head sadly, "At that moment, I _hated_ him, but I never wanted... THAT to happen to him!"

"So were you the one who called 911?" Amanda asked.

Laura shook her head.

"Um, no, not...immediately...," Laura seemed a bit dazed and then blotted her face, "I-I was in shock, I guess, so I ended up calling my brother first; he lives down the street."

Amanda needed to get the story straight, "So you called him BEFORE you called 911?" She made it sound as if Laura McMasters had committed a crime.

"I-I just didn't know what to do!" Laura claimed as tears now ran freely down her face, "It was awful, just awful, seeing Jack like that...and all I could think about was the kids...what was I to tell them about what happened to their father?"

"Don't beat yourself over that," Carisi comforted her, "It makes sense you would reach out to your brother first. You figured he would be more calm and would know what to do."

She nodded through the tears.

"I-I was lost..." she admitted, "but I did call 911 eventually and then I told my brother Larry to call you, Detective," she looked with sadness at Carisi, "I knew _you_ would know what to do."

Amanda didn't have to turn towards Carisi to know he was blushing.

"I'm sure you did the best you could under those tryin' circumstances," Carisi reassured her.

She brushed a tear away, and sat up, obviously feeling better.

Carisi and Rollins next went and interviewed the two children and the brother who verified Laura McMasters' story. They added no new information to their investigation.

.

Afterwards, Rollins and Carisi decided to stop by a donut shop to get some coffee and share some last thoughts about the case while it was still fresh in their minds. They sat across from one another, next to the large front window.

Amanda did not look happy, "Carisi, I need to discuss something that happened back there at the McMasters' house tonight."

This did not sound good to Carisi. He seemed to be bracing himself for what was to come.

"Alright. What is it?"

Amanda awkwardly continued, "It's just...I didn't appreciate you answering for Laura McMasters when I questioned her about why she had called her brother over 911. You defended her against my questioning. Since when do we prompt our witnesses?"

"I wasn't promptin' her!" Carisi insisted, "To me, it makes perfect sense that she would call her brother first. You saw how helpless she was at the precinct... so imagine how helpless she must have felt after discoverin' her husband _dead_!"

 _"But_ she's also a mother... " Amanda reasoned, "so I would think she would be used to handling emergencies."

"Witnessin' a dead body is slightly more devastatin' than checkin' a kid out for a papercut!" Carisi sardonically pointed out, "I figured she was probably in the first phase of shock, so it was good that she reached out to someone familiar like her brother to help her cope."

Amanda didn't seem convinced.

"Still, seems highly suspicious to me that the first call wasn't to 911," she reiterated, " Think about it, Carisi. When she first saw her husband lying in the driveway, she had no idea if he were dead or alive. She didn't check his body, she didn't call 911; she just called her _brother_. Maybe those seconds she spent calling a sibling could have been used to save her husband!"

Carisi was quiet as he looked out the window for a bit before focusing on Amanda again.

"Sounds like you've past judgment on her already; you've already decided she's guilty."

"I never said that!" Amanda snapped, "what I'm doing is police work. I have all these pieces of a puzzle and I'm trying to fit them together to form a big picture. And right now, some of the pieces aren't fitting right."

"You shouldn't be forcin' the pieces to fit so early in the investigation," Carisi advised. He took a sip of his coffee, and placed the mug down again, "You don't like Laura McMasters much, do you?"

Amanda sure didn't want to get into _this_ discussion.

"It doesn't matter what I think of her," she stated, "I'm just trying to be objective about the case!"

"And you don't think I'm being objective?"

She couldn't avoid his penetrating stare. It actually started tingles up and down her spine, but she forced herself to ignore them. Well, if he wanted honesty, she would give it to him!

"I'm not sure; In fact, you might even enjoy her attention!"

Carisi snorted as if the idea was ridiculous, "So you sayin' I like that Laura McMasters is hittin' on me?"

Amanda shrugged, "If the badge fits..."

Carisi's looked incredulous.

"Come on, Rollins! It's not like that!"

"Okay, maybe not," Amanda backed down, " _but_ then again, maybe she is drawn to your charming awkwardness."

Then she cringed at how personal the conversation had turned.

"Charmin' awkwardness?" Carisi repeated, "I have that? Is that even a good thing?"

Amanda wanted to end this conversation. Quick.

"You figure it out," she stated, letting him know she wanted to drop the subject.

"I don't get it." Carisi was looking at her in a way which made her pulse race.

"Forget what I said earlier," she quickly stated, "I guess I'm just tired from being dragged out of bed late at night to go to a crime scene."

"You go to bed by nine o'clock?" Carisi blinked, looking surprised.

She shrugged.

"I can't help it; that's what parenthood will do to you," she honestly stated, "And for _your_ information, _mothers_ don't _go_ to bed; they _fall_ into it!"

Her statement seemed to lighten the situation.

"Yeah, _motherhood,_ " his tone was wistful, "lucky you."

" _Yeah,_ " agreed Amanda, this time with a slight smile, "lucky me."

And as they finished up their coffee together, an understanding seemed to pass between them.

.

.

 _Thanks for all the reviewers and the readers who have alerted/favored this story thus far. It makes my heart happy!_

 _Please review_


	4. Chapter 4

A Visitor to the Precinct

Chapter 4

It was now official that Carisi and Rollins were working together on the murder investigation of Jack McMasters, who had been gunned down in the driveway of his own home last night after an argument with his wife, Laura.

When Amanda had arrived at the precinct the next morning, with coffee in hand, Carisi was already at his desk. Even with the late night, Carisi didn't look a bit tired as he intensely read his computer monitor.

"Hey, Rollins," he said by way of greeting her, "check this out. I've been doin' research on that Jack McMasters. He's never had a complaint file against him, although he did have to take an anger management class once."

Amanda was just relieved he wasn't feeling awkward towards her. After thinking about it all night, she thought it was such an odd night they had shared. It was almost personal.

At least now it was back to police business.

"So you're thinking one of Jack McMasters' office mates may have offed him?" she asked, as she walked over to his desk and peered over his shoulder.

"It's another avenue we can check out," he told her.

"Sounds like a long shot to me," Amanda didn't sound hopeful, "after all, he basically worked alone. Besides, office workers have other options if they're unhappy with an employee. They don't need to shoot him." she then asked, "When did Jack McMasters take that anger management class?"

"I'll check..." Carisi was busy typing as Amanda went to retrieve another chair so that she could sit next to him at the screen.

The answer he was looking for popped up on the screen.

"Oh." Carisi sounded disappointed, "Four years ago. That's a way back."

He turned to face her as he spoke. Little did he realize that being so physically close to her would make him highly aware of her presence. His heart actually started to beat faster. She really had the face of an angel, he concluded, and inside her angelic appearance was a vibrant, intelligent woman.

"Uh..." Carisi fumbled, causing Amanda to experience strange flutterings in the pit of her stomach at the way he was looking at her.

"What?" she asked, now keenly aware of his nearness.

Carisi had to look away to keep his heart from pounding harder. When it returned to normal, he looked back her.

"You sound so convinced that Laura McMasters is guilty," he commented, staring at the screen for no apparent reason, "like you want to arrest her now _!_ "

Amanda took a deep breath, glad the moment, or whatever it was, had passed.

"I never said... Laura McMasters was guilty," Amanda forced herself to concentrate on the case, "although the pieces are starting to fit together as to who had the most motive and opportunity to kill Jack McMasters."

"And you think I can't see it because of my 'charmin' awkwardness'?" Carisi challenged.

So he hadn't forgotten their previous conversation. The reminder made Amanda awkwardly blush again, as she tried to focus on the McMasters' case.

She ignored his last remark, "I'm still thinking about other leads."

"Yeah? Like what?"

Amanda couldn't come up with an answer. She was still trying to figure out why she was being overly sensitive about the case and what was happening between her and Carisi.

Before she could think of an answer, however, they heard the clatter of high heels. Turning, they observed a mature woman dressed in a black dress and pearl necklace. She looked like how Laura McMasters might look 25 years from now. Only this woman obviously held herself in high esteem.

"Is there a Detective Carisi here?" the impeccably dressed woman called out to no one in particular, "Tell him that Ruth Huntington would like a word with him! I am the mother of Mrs. Laura McMasters!"

She acted as if everyone should now start scurrying everywhere to do her bidding.

At the same time Rollins casually leaned over and whispered to Carisi, " _Looks like Mama Bear's here._ _Maybe it runs in the family and she'll develop a crush on you, too!"_

Carisi should have been perturbed by Amanda's jab, but instead he was aware of was the scent of gardenias when she had leaned in. The flower's soft allusion was in sharp contrast to Amanda's usual tough bravado. He liked thinking of her in a feminine way.

And then wondered why he even had those thoughts.

It's best he concentrated on the case.

.

After introductions by Carisi and Rollins, Ruth Huntington was led into the visitor's room, located next to Olivia Benson's office.

"I understand you are handling the case of Jack McMasters," Ruth Huntington got right to the point.

"I am." Carisi responded, "along with Detective Rollins here."

The woman only gave a cursory glance at Amanda before continuing.

"I understand that my daughter Laura had come to see you the day before Jack's death," Mrs. Huntington stated, avoiding the word _'murder'_ , "and that Laura may have told you some things she shouldn't... do _not_ consider anything she had told you. My daughter was probably in a state of agitation..." Mrs. Huntington spoke the next part with disdain, "...she easily gets that way. Weak. Never had a backbone."

Amanda asked, "So you're purpose in coming here is to tell us you're daughter is a wallflower?"

"Of course not!" snapped Mrs. Huntington, "I'm here to tell you that what she said had absolutely _nothing_ to do with what happened to Jack!"

Carisi asked, "Mrs. Huntington, what specific comments had your daughter made to us are you referrin' to?"

Mrs. Huntington held her hand up to let the detectives know she was not done speaking.

"Detective, I had not finished my point, so please do not interrupt me! I've come a long way to tell you that Laura and I wish none of our personal business be made public!"

"We have to know what personal business you mean so that we can ignore them," Amanda sardonically stated.

Mrs. Huntington coolly turned Amanda's way.

"My daughter freely admitted to me that she had visited this unit yesterday," Mrs. Huntington began, "and that she mentioned how Jack may have...perhaps _shoved_ her on previous occasions, causing her injury. She is quite clumsy, you know. So when she told me what she had done, I immediately explained to her what a foolish thing she had done to come here. I assure you that whatever she said to you regarding her marriage was taken out of context."

Amanda lifted a brow, "Being abused is never taken out of context, Mrs. Huntington. You must have known that your daughter had been abused before."

"Abused?! She _certainly_ has never used _that_ word around me!" Mrs. Huntington adamantly claimed.

"Well, maybe your daughter was more forthcoming with _us_ because at least she would be seen in non-judgmental eyes," Amanda challenged.

Mrs. Huntington looked as if she had been slapped in the face.

"I assure you, _Detective_ , that I know how to talk to my own daughter!" she indignantly stated, "And to be frank, it alarmed me to hear that my daughter's dirty laundry was put on display here; _why,_ it's an embarrassment to the family reputation!"

"There is nothing for her or your family name to be embarrass about," Carisi assured her, "and Detective Rollins is correct that she came to us probably because she could talk to us about her situation regardin' her husband in an objective way. 'N after your daughter told us about her _abuse,_ Detective Rollins here had suggested for her to go to a women's shelter."

"A women's shelter?" Mrs. Huntington was taken aback, "I would NEVER allow my daughter to be part of such a low-brow, humiliating place!"

Both detectives couldn't believe the smugness of the woman.

"Mrs. Huntington," Carisi had to work at keeping his tone even, "whether you want to hear it or not, your daughter was abused by her husband and it is not humiliatin' nor uncommon; it happens to rich or poor people alike. Domestic abuse is the greatest source of personal injury to women, happenin' three times as often as car accidents 'n sustainin' more injuries than rapes or muggin's. 'N for your information, ten women a day are injured or killed by their husbands."

"Don't you _dare_ lecture me, Detective! My daughter is NOT a statistic!" Mrs. Huntington insisted, "And I resent you lumping her in with helpless, stupid women who have no pride in themselves! Besides, she has ME to support her in every way possible!"

It was obvious to Rollins and Carisi that Mrs. Huntington was not open to any views besides her own.

"Anything else you want to tell us?" Amanda plaintively asked, "Like maybe how brokenhearted you feel about the demise of your son-in-law? I would think that would be a tragedy for _you_ since, in your eyes, he had been such a good husband! Or was your purpose only to lecture us on how we misinterpreted your daughter's marriage?"

Mrs. Huntington held her head up high.

"I never claimed Jack was a _good_ husband! He was a gold digger from the start! But I see from your closed minds that you will not listen to reason! You two have treated me abominably!" she told them, as she stood, "You're lucky I don't file a complaint with the police chief-whom I have had occasion to dine with!"

The detectives also stood.

Mrs. Huntington then narrowed her eyes at them, "Let me give you detectives a warning: If details of my daughter's previous visit to this unit is _ever_ made public, you WILL hear from my lawyer! Good day to you both!"

And then she stormed out, leaving Carisi and Rollins alone in the room.

The room seemed so still and quiet now as Amanda turned to Carisi after the woman's abrup departure.

"So what do you think?" she asked.

"I think...we didn't make a friend today," Carisi sarcastically stated.

Amanda smiled, "Anything else?"

"I think Mrs. Huntington is trying to keep the public from finding out that her daughter married a wife abuser, which is rather strange," Carisi commented, "Wouldn't you think she'd want to protect her daughter?"

"I was thinking that, too. But maybe there's a bigger picture here," Amanda pointed out, "maybe Mrs. Huntington doesn't want everyone to know her daughter had been abused because that would give Laura McMasters the perfect motive for murder."

Brilliant thinking on Amanda's part.

"Makes sense" agreed Carisi, "so maybe we should-"

BUZZ!BUZZ!

His cellphone rang. He scowled at the ID name on the screen and then put the phone to his ear.

"Detective Carisi."

A female voice could be heard speaking as Carisi nodded at the caller. Amanda couldn't hear what the person was saying since the other person was doing most of the talking.

"Oh?" Carisi was saying in response to something the caller was saying, "alright...when?...that's fine...see you soon..."

He hung up.

Amanda asked, "Something about the McMasters investigation?"

"Yeah," Carisi concurred, "that was Laura McMasters. She invited us over the house. Says she wants to explain things better to us."

"You mean she invited _you_ over the house," Amanda corrected him, "after all, technically, she's a free woman now..."

"Not again..." Carisi groaned at Amanda's jesting.

Amanda wanted to kick herself again for sounding so catty.

"Yeah, sorry," she apologized, "I didn't mean to go there."

"Forget it," he said and then got up, "You ready to go?"

"Actually, I don't think I'll go," Amanda decided, "You can wing it on your own. I figured you'd get more out of Laura McMasters if you were alone with her- _annnd_ I don't mean this in this in a teasing way, but I think she trusts you and maybe you'll be able to draw more out from her."

Carisi was surprised that his immediate reaction was disappointment. But he outwardly shrugged it off.

"Suit yourself," he nonchalantly stated, "so...I guess I'll just talk with you later."

"Yeah. Later."

And as Amanda watched Carisi walk out of the conference room, her heart sank a little, and she hated that she felt that way.

.

 _Please review_


	5. Chapter 5

Unusual Actions

Chapter 5

When Laura McMasters opened the door to her suburban house in the West Village, her eyes immediately lit up when she saw Carisi standing there.

"Detective Carisi," she greeted, looking pleased.

"Mrs. McMaster," he greeted her back, "You had wanted to talk with me about somethin'?"

"I do, and thank you for coming so quickly!" she opened the door wider to let him in, "Come in, come in!"

After he entered, she played the perfect hostess by already having a teapot on a tray, complete with a plate of homemade cookies. Carisi also noticed that this time she looked more put together than when he had first met her. Her hair and makeup was expertly done and she wore a red silk top with black slacks. A big improvement since the last time he saw her.

Carisi sat on the long sofa while she sat across from him on the matching chair. After pouring him some hot tea, she offered him one of the cookies from the place.

"No, thank you," he declined in his most professional matter and then added, "and I don't mean to rush you, Mrs. McMasters, but I'm here to find out why you called me."

"Yes, of course, you're right," she stated, as she placed the rejected plate of cookies back on the table, "I don't know if you are aware if this, but my mother is staying here to help me with my kids because of...uh, what happened..."

Her expression saddened as she thought of her change of circumstances.

"Yeah. Detective Rollins and I already met your mother," Carisi informed her.

Laura lifted a brow, "Oh? Already interfering, is she? Well, let me apologize for my mother. She can be a bit overbearing at times."

Carisi acknowledged and then opinioned "Seems you've always been overshadowed by strong people."

"Yes," Laura had a look of gratitude in her eyes, "I'm glad you understand."

There was some awkward silence.

"You sure you wouldn't want some tea?" Laura finally asked.

Carisi figured it might give him something to do.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds great!"

She poured and handed him a cup.

"Thanks," he said, accepting the tea. After taking a sip, he reminded her, "so...you want to tell me my reason for being here?"

"Of course, Detective," Laura acknowledged, "As I was saying about my mother, she has already retained a lawyer for me, and I need your opinion about that," she watched Carisi's face for a reaction, and then asked concernedly, "Do you really think I need a lawyer?"

Carisi shrugged, "It's always good advice to be prepared."

Her voice dropped to almost a whisper, _"Am I a suspect?"_

"It's very early in the investigation," he vaguely told her, "so is that why you called? To ask my opinion about you gettin' a lawyer?"

He could tell she was struggling to express herself.

"No, not just that... I...well, it sounds so silly now, but I just needed to talk to someone..." her bottom lip began to tremble, "I'm scared...about everything..." she admitted, "...it's harder than I thought to cope with Jack's d-death." She shook her head miserably, "I've never been alone, Detective. I'm the type that always had someone to take care of me; my parents, boyfriends, and then Jack...I wonder how I will get through all of this."

"You _will_ ," he encouraged, "your kids need you to be strong."

She turned away as fresh tears surfaced. She wiped them away before looking at him again.

"I'm t-trying, but it's hard...like...whenever I go into town to run errands," she began, "people...stare at me...they...they think I killed Jack!"

"It doesn't matter what others think," Carisi pointedly stated.

"But it does! And I _hate_ that people think that about me!" she insisted as she then leaned in, "What about you, Detective Carisi? Do _you_ think I'm guilty of murdering my own husband?"

She looked at him wistfully, as if it were the most important question in the world.

Carisi shifted uncomfortably, "It doesn't matters what I think," he honestly told her.

She next reached out her hand and placed it over his.

"It matters to me," she told him, "and please, call me, Laura. And I hope I can call you Dominick? I know that's your first name from the card you gave me."

Carisi was at first taken aback by the physical contact. This was getting too personal. He immediately removed his hand from underneath hers.

"You seem to have the wrong impression of what is goin' on here, Mrs. McMasters," he quickly informed her, making it obvious they were not on first name basis, "So if you have nothin' more to say to me, I need to go. I've still got a lot of detective work to do."

Laura looked appropriately embarrassed as she took up her hand and folded her hands on her lap.

"I've made a fool of myself, haven't I?" she berated herself, "It's just...you've made me realize...how _alone_ I am..."

Carisi cleared his throat.

"You're not alone-you have family," he gently told her, "besides your kids, you have your mother, and your brother."

For once Laura didn't act timid when she promptly answered, " I don't mean _that_ kind of _'alone_ ', Detective," she firmly announced, "I mean...once my kids go back to school and my family and friends go on with their lives, I'll be alone... without a _companion_."

"It's a little too early to be thinkin' along those lines, I think," Carisi awkwardly stated.

Laura gazed at him. Her eyes dropped longingly to his lips before she dropped her head to look at her lap again.

"You must think me terrible to be so selfish," she stated, "but I'm a planner, and I'm scared of the future. For me as well as my kids. I'm the type of person who needs someone to lean on."

She couldn't have been more obvious as Carisi thought carefully of his next words.

?I'm sure there's a hidden strength in you that you don't even realize, Mrs. McMasters," Carisi tried to keep the conversation professional, "I know it'll be tough for you these next few months, but you'll get through them."

Laura thinned her lips. That wasn't the response she was hoping for

"I guess... that's what I'll have to do," Laura grimly resigned. She then perked up again, "what about you, Dominick? Do you have anyone special in your life?"

"We are not here to talk about me," he quickly responded, "and it's Detective Carisi."

She didn't seem offended when he obviously wanted them to address each other formally.

"I take that answer as a 'no' then as far as someone special," she mumbled.

He didn't acknowledge her question, "Is there any other reason why you've called me here, Mrs. McMasters?"

She blushed slightly.

"Maybe one more... and it's silly really..." she hesitated, "...it's just...I was hoping you might...sleep...oh no!" she saw Carisi's reaction and corrected herself, "on my sofa downstairs, of course! It would make me feel...safer...but..." she paused as realization hit her, "... it won't happen, will it?"

She asked the question, but already knew the answer.

Carisi let out a deep breath, "It would be highly inappropriate."

She gave it one last shot, "But it's not like we would be alone, Detective Carisi. My kids would be here..."

Carisi knew he needed to be blunt. "Mrs. McMasters, I'm the investigatin' officer on a murder that is connected to you, 'n though my staying here would be for perfectly innocent reasons, it would appear to be a conflict of interest 'n may even muddle the case for everyone involved. I wouldn't want to take that risk."

She tilted her head questionably, "What if you _weren't_ the investigating officer?"

"Then I wouldn't be here, would I?" Carisi tried to make the question sound like a finality to their conversation.

Laura got the hint.

"Of course," She acceded, "I understand..." and then she meekly added, "and I'm sorry about even suggesting something that might conflict with the case."

"No need to apologize for anythin'," he assured her.

"At least stay for lunch," she requested, with hope weaved in her tone, "I could whip up something quick-like! It IS about lunchtime and you DO have to eat, right?" she hurriedly added the next part, "A-And don't worry, it's you staying for lunch, nothing more, I promise!"

He gave it some thought; his grumbling stomach was telling him it was lunchtime, too.

"Maybe a quick bite?" he offered, to Laura's relief.

.

They sat where they were as Laura past him a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it. And she also passed to him a glass of milk. They were actually having a very pleasant talk. They discussed neutral subjects like traveling and food. Carisi found Laura McMasters to be exactly as she appeared: a polite, timid and now lonely housewife.

"I'm sorry for the simplicity of the lunch; it's all that I have on hand," she apologized at one point in their conversation.

"No, no...this is great! I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!" Carisi enthused as he took a big bite, "grew up with 'em as a kid, but now whenever I'm in the mood, I always seem to be missin' either the jar of peanut butter or jelly in order to make one of my own! So this is definitely a treat!"

She looked pleased as she took a bite of hers.

"My kids love them, too," she told him, " even my teenage daughter requests it from time to time, would you believe!" she then tilted her head, "You don't have any kids, do you?"

"No," Carisi told her, "Seems like there's never enough time."

"Having children do tend to suck the time out of you, but it's worth it, really it is," Laura half-smiled now. She then asked, "So I was right when I said you don't have anyone special in your life?"

The casualness of the lunch seemed to open up Carisi a bit more.

He shrugged, "Unfortunately, no. Besides never having enough time, I never found the right one."

"What about your partner," Laura asserted, "Detective Rollins; isn't that her name?"

Carisi felt his cheeks getting warm.

"One should never date a colleague," he responded, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh! You've misunderstood my question, Detective!" Laura corrected him, "I wasn't asking if YOU were dating her, I was just asking if _she_ was seeing anyone special!"

"Oh..." Carisi found he couldn't even look at Laura McMasters. Instead, he took a sip of his milk. After putting his drink back down, he added, "I shouldn't be talking about any of this with you..."

Laura's cheeks reddened.

"I've embarrassed you again," she stated, peering down at her lap, "Sorry. I'm not good with...socializing... with a man who's single when I'm not," she paused, "or...maybe I am. Now."

"You should be looking at me more as a detective," he reminded her.

She looked contrite, "Of course. Duly noted," she then added, "I guess I've been just so exhausted lately that I can't think straight."

"Sounds like to me that you start your days backwards," Carisi suggested.

Laura looked puzzled, "What?"

"Most people will be wide awake all day 'n tired at night, but when people are stressed, they will start their day tired 'n go to bed wide awake!" he philosophized.

She heaved a sigh, "That saying would be funny if it wasn't so true."

DING DONG!

The sound of her doorbell interrupted their luncheion. Carisi looked questionably at Laura.

"Were you expectin' anyone?" he asked.

"No," she scowled as she put her plate down on the coffee table and stood up, "Who can that be?"

She went to answer the door.

Carisi stood up in surprise when in walked Amanda and Finn, with a police officer behind them.

"Detectives," Carisi stated, "what brings you two here?"

Amanda's face was solemn.

"This is official business," she stated, turning to Laura, "Mrs. McMasters, please place your hands behind your back."

"Whaaat?" Laura stated, blinking hard and looking incredulous, "I don't understand..."

"Laura McMasters," Amanda began as she produced her handcuffs and proceeded to put them on Laura, "we are placing you under arrest for..."

She paused in surprised when her eyes traveled over to the two plates of half eaten food and the half drank glasses of milk on the table; it was obvious they had shared a lunch together. She shot a puzzled glance at Carisi.

Then Finn jumped in to complete the reciting of the Miranda Rights, "Laura McMasters, you are under arrest for the murder of Jack McMasters. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against..."

Laura McMasters darted a look at Carisi, who looked expressionless. Tears formed but she didn't say anything as the handcuffs were locked on her wrists. Meanwhile as Finn prattled on, Amanda and Carisi exchanged looks.

Amanda couldn't believe that Carisi was being social with a person of interest in an ongoing investigation while Carisi couldn't believe that they would arrest Laura McMasters without informing him first. He _was_ the lead detective, after all.

Carisi and Rollins were at a stalemate.

With neither looking happy.

.

.

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	6. Chapter 6

Taking Sides

Chapter 6

As Fin and the police officer led the newly handcuffed Laura McMasters into the squad car, Amanda stayed behind to ride with Carisi back to the squad room.

Walking back to Carisi's car, Amanda noticed that Carisi wasn't quite himself. He seemed unusually quiet and distracted, his strides forceful. It took a bit of effort for Amanda to keep up.

"You're mad, aren't you?" Amanda finally spoke out, "Because Fin and I made the arrest without informing you."

He continued to stare forward and Amanda wasn't sure he heard her.

"Not mad, frustrated maybe," he finally answered, "It's just...why wasn't _I_ informed beforehand about arrestin' Laura McMasters? After all, _I'm_ the one headin' up this investigation...or not, I guess!"

Amanda was prepared so she immediately answered with,"Some new evidence came to light."

"What new evidence?" Carisi questioned, "You tellin' me the murder weapon has been recovered?"

She shook her head, "No, not yet. Although Forensic had come back with results regarding the bullet that killed Jack McMasters. The victim had been shot with a .308 Winchester rifle, popular with deer hunters. We know that Jack McMasters had been a registered gun owner AND that he hunted as a hobby. So he was probably shot with his own gun, although we can't locate the weapon anywhere."

"And that's it?" Carisi questioned, "THAT'S why you've arrested her?"

"No, there's more," Amanda told him, "lab results also verified that Laura McMasters had gun residue on her hands as well."

Carisi didn't look surprise, "You and I both know that gunshot residue could reside on a person's hand even if that person had only touched somethin' that was around a newly-fired gun. Laura McMasters was the first one to find the body and maybe some GSR particles got transferred onto her. It's possible."

They had reached Carisi's car and both stood on the passenger's side. Amanda leaned against the car door, folded her arms and looked annoyed.

She asked, "You're determined to find her innocent, aren't you?"

Carisi tried to appear casual, "I'm just sayin' the evidence is inconclusive."

"Except there's one other thing that points to her guilt," Amanda informed him, "Remember how earlier we had confiscated her computer? Our tech guys just uncovered evidence that Laura McMasters had belonged to an anonymous site for abused women. She had recently posted to club members that she was fed up and planned to shoot her husband...just like how she had earlier informed _us_ she had planned to shoot him. And hadn't Jack McMasters die by a gunshot wound?"

Casisi still looked unfazed, "Circumstantial evidence at best."

Amanda rolled her eyes.

"Look, Benson made the call for the arrest. She figured that with what we had, Laura McMasters had means, motive and opportunity to kill her husband."

Carisi felt bad for Laura McMasters. He knew her timid personality wasn't a ruse. She was probably scared to death after being arrested.

"You don't think the arrest was too hasty?" he asked.

"Barba has convicted with less evidence," she reasoned, "He also agreed with Benson regarding the arrest. They both felt Laura McMasters is highly unpredictable. She just might grab her kids and make a run for it. Her mother certainly had the money to keep her daughter on the run."

"But what about other avenues we could explore?" Carisi pointedly asked, "We still haven't chased down the possibility that one of Jack McMasters's co-workers could have killed him. Or an angry neighbor."

"The guy had a loner profession, remember?" she reminded him, "he spent his working hours checking life expendency stats all day in the basement of an insurance company. And he evidently had no interactions with neighbors. Laura McMaster is our prime suspect. Remember what I said about putting together a puzzle? The pieces are beginning to fall into place on their own."

"I'm not sure about that," Carisi mumbled, " _forcing_ the pieces in is not the same as 'falling into place'!" He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and then looked away, lost in deep thought.

Amanda thinned her lips, "Well, we're not getting anywhere standing out here next to your car. Let's say we head back to the precinct."

He heaved a heavy sigh,"Yeah, sure."

Carisi leaned over to reach for the handle of the car door to open it for Amanda. His hand accidentally brushed past her waist and immediately his body felt a tingling sensation, which he forced himself to ignore.

Amanda silently got in as Carisi shut the door. Even though she, too, was upset with their conversation, it wasn't lost on her that he still gallantly opened and closed the door for her.

By now Carisi had gotten in the driver's side, started the engine and drove the car down the driveway. He didn't say a word to her.

.

.

As he continued driving, Amanda turned and watched his profile. He still had a scowl on his face and Amanda berated herself for thinking he still looked handsome. No, she had better things to think about. Like dealing with his unusual silence.

"What are you thinking?" she bluntly asked, "or are you so mad you don't want to talk to me?"

His expression didn't change and at first Amanda thought he wasn't going to answer her.

"I told you I'm not mad, just frustrated," he repeated.

"Are you going to keep ignoring me, even when we get back to the precinct?" she asked.

"I'm not ignoring you, I'm just in deep thought. And I'll be only droppin' you off there," he just decided, "I think I'll be headin' over to lock-up to see Laura McMasters, to make sure she's okay. She's probably all dazed and confused about everythin'."

 _Just like Carisi to think of the welfare of others,_ Amanda thought.

She bit her lip to keep from asking the question she wanted to, but she knew she wouldn't be able to hold her tongue. She just had to know.

Turning to face him, she asked, "You're starting to care for her, aren't you?"

Carisi stared straight ahead as his car approached a red light.

"Laura McMasters is... a nice lady who went through some hard times," he diplomatically stated.

But Amanda would not let him pivot on the subject.

"That's not what I asked," Amanda pointedly stated, "I need to know if you, as the lead investigator on a murder case, can remain objective. I need to know that there is not a conflict of interest on this case."

Of course, there was another reason why she wanted to know, but she needn't tell him that.

It was green light and the car proceeded on.

"All I can tell you," he began, "is that Laura McMasters is runnin' scared. She feels she's all alone now..."

His words trailed off and Amanda felt a disappointing lump in her throat.

"You know, Carisi, you shouldn't be the one who solves that problem for her."

"I know _that_...and it's not like I'm sayin' I'm gettin' involved with her," Carisi stated, "but she needs someone to help her. through this difficult time. Her kids are too young and her mother is too opinionated and overwhelmin'. Laura McMasters is lost. She's not..." he side-glanced Amanda, "... _strong_...like you..."

Amanda felt a warm glow from Carisi's compliment, but she mentally brushed that feeling away.

"Just keep things professional, Carisi," she advised and then added too harshly, "Can you do that?"

He made a right turn.

"You don't think I can?"

"Things happen," she told him, "Don't get involved with someone from a case."

"I didn't say I was," he countered, "You sayin' you've never made it personal?"

"We're not talking about me," she flatly told him, "but as a general rule it's best not to get involved with a suspect...or a co-worker, for that matter. Never works out."

At first, Carisi thought she was referring to them when she had said 'co-worker', but when she had added it hadn't worked out, he realized she was probably referring to either Detective Nick Amaro or Lieutenant Declan Murphy. He had heard the water cooler talk, although Amanda never talked to him about them.

"Do you have regrets?" he asked, wondering if she wanted to open up to him.

She looked confused,"About what?"

"You know," he said, checking his rear view mirror, "about getting involved with people from work."

She looked uncomfortable and stared out at the traffic, "No regrets. It just took me longer than most to learn my lesson about workplace involvement and I'll never do it again."

The subject sounded closed for her.

"Okay," Carisi acknowledged.

He should be glad that Rollins had opened up a little to him, but the idea that she would never again be involved with a co-worker again made his heart drop to his knees.

He turned into the parking lot of the precinct.

Amanda asked, "So you still plan on visiting Laura McMasters in lock up?"

"She is in trouble," he told her, "And I also have a rule to live by. It's regardin' people in trouble."

"What's that?" she curiously asked, glad they had gotten off the personal talk.

"Help someone in trouble," he decreed, "and maybe they won't be in trouble anymore. Pretty simple rule, don't you think?"

His principle about helping people summed up Carisi to a T.

She tilted her head as she turned his way, "Your mind works so different from anyone else I have met, Carisi."

He turned off the engine and sat back in the car. Instead of getting out, he turned to face her.

"And is that such a bad thing?"

Her heart raced at the intensity of his blue eyes staring at her so she turned away again uttered, "No, it's not," she admitted and then added, "in fact...it's rather nice how you think."

His tone sounded surprised, "You think so?"

She did. Without realizing it, Carisi had become her rainbow-and-sunshine guy; the one who brightened her day when the job became too grim.

She turned back to him to make her point.

"Yes."

Her honest remark opened pathways of sensations for them. Their eyes locked, as tension suddenly vibrated between them. Color crept to Amanda's cheeks and she was the first to look out the window again to quell her emotions. He always had a way of bringing her feelings up to the surface.

 _What was happening between them?_

"Amanda," Carisi's voice sounded unusually low and sensual, "look at me."

A current of pleasure rippled through Amanda at his request as she turned to gaze back at him.

"You called me by my first name," she mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

He didn't answer her as his eyes scanned her face.

 _Was that yearning in her eyes?_ he wondered.

Carisi thought it was one of the few times she looked...vulnerable. Underneath that tough exterior she showed to the world was a warm, feminine woman.

Then instinctively, before he could stop himself, his hand reached over to lightly touch her cheek as he eyes never left hers. Upon contact with her softness, Carisi felt a knot in the middle of his body and then instant regret as he quickly withdrew his hand.

Amanda watched him wide eyed. The caress had only lasted a flicker of a second, but the imprint seemed to scorch her soul. She wished his hand had lingered. Even in that quick caress she had felt a rush throughout her entire body as flutterings fanned out in the pit of her stomach. The last time she felt this way was...never.

 _Wait._..she berated herself, _hadn't she just told Carisi she learned her lesson NOT to get involved?_

They both looked away.

The silence in the car was deafening.

"Well, I best get in," Amanda at last announced, still unable to make eye contact "we took so long getting back to the precinct that Fin is probably wondering if your vehicle fell into a sinkhole."

"A sinkhole is probably on top of Fin's wish list for us," he jested.

Changing to a lighter topic helped clear the awkwardness of the situation.

Amanda was able to look back at him with a grin, "I think so, too."

When Carisi turned away to open his car door, he felt his heart aching.

 _They are co-workers who will never get involved._

Yet that simple touch had awaken questions for him. He was wondering what it would have felt like if they were something more than workmates; he wondered what it would have felt like to feel her in his arms, to feel his hand gently moving over her entire body or to feel their lips touching.

The imagery and the knowledge that it will never happen made his heart ache again.

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	7. Chapter 7

Court Day

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Chapter 7

Two days later, Amanda was up early. She hadn't slept well that night. Images of how gently Carisi's hand had grazed her cheek lingered in her mind. These moments of intimacy seemed to be occurring with more frequency, and she didn't know if it was a good or bad thing. But she had liked the caress, right? But then there was also Laura McMasters...

'WaaaaaaaAAAAAAH!'

Jesse's cry could be heard coming from the nursery, bringing her back to reality. Sitting up and pushing her hair away from her face, Amanda threw off her covers to tend to her daughter. Her mornings were really too busy to ponder frivolous feelings; she had real life to deal with! Mornings meant feeding and changing her baby in addition to getting herself ready for work. She barely had time to breathe!

Twenty minutes later she multitasking; feeding Jesse while listening to the news on TV. Still half asleep, she had finished feeding the baby and was now putting Jesse over her shoulder to burp him.

BUZZ! BUZZ!

The sound of the cellphone ringing.

Tiredly sighing, she reached for her remote, turning off the TV, and repositioning Jesse. She next grabbed her phone to look at its screen. The ID name of "Carisi" popped up. She pushed the button to make it a conference call so she would have her hands free.

"Yeah, Carisi, what is it?"

"Hey, you on your way yet?" he asked as she lightly patted Jesse's back.

"On my way to the precinct?"

"You're kiddin' right?" he rhetorically asked, "Did you forget? This mornin' is Laura McMasters' arraignment!"

She _had_ forgotten.

"No, of course I didn't forget!" she fibbed.

"You plan on being there, right?" his tone sounded wistful.

Jesse was fidgeting on her shoulder, her daughter's head going one way and then the other.

*burp*

Amanda smiled and patted her baby one last time.

 _Good girl, Jesse._

"Rollins?"

Carisi was still on the phone, waiting for her response.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there," she informed him.

Getting up, Amanda was now walking into her bedroom with the cellphone in her hand while holding a gurgling Jesse with the other hand. She was smiling. Happy Jesse always made her mornings!

But now it was time to compartmentalize and think about work. She looked in her closet. Court day meant she'd have to wear a skirt, which meant extra time getting ready. Grrrr. Putting the cellphone on the bed, she placed Jesse lovingly down in her infant seat and searched the closet for her skirt. Where is it?

Carisi's voice over the speaker reminded her that she hadn't hung up yet, "Rollins, you still there? Is there a bad connection?"

She sighed.

"I'm on top of it, Carisi! As we speak, I'm heading out the door and on my way to the sitter's right now," she fibbed again. She scowled in frustration as she realized that her black skirt was at the cleaners.

Carisi sure didn't hear the door opening. All he heard was some rushing back and forth.

"Yeah, _sure_ you're rushing out the door," he sarcastically responded, obviously knowing she wasn't telling the truth, "I'll see you later and hopefully not _way_ later."

.

.

And as expected with new mothers, Amanda was late to court.

Arraignment court was already humming with confusion by the time she had arrived. Random defendants and their lawyers were scattered throughout the courtroom as they waited for charges to be announced as well as pleas that needed to be entered.

She was glad Carisi had saved a seat for her. Unfortunately, she had to squeeze herself past him in order to get there. The back of her legs skimmed his knees and Carisi reacted to the contact by sitting up straighter. Amanda sat down they exchanged awkward nods.

Judge Elana Barth hit the gavel, a signal that arraignment court was to begin. Her red hair was tied in a professional low bun. Attired in the usual judge's robe, she had a no-nonsense demeanor about her.

At last the bailiff announced the docket number for the McMasters case.

Rafael Barba stood on the prosecution side, looking well-dressed as always, down to his coordinating tie and hankerchief. Amanda often wondered how he could dress so well just working as a public official. On the other side for the defense, stood rotund defense lawyer John Buchanan, his suit slightly rumpled and not as expensive looking, along with his client, Laura McMasters.

She looked her usual scared and overwhelmed self.

As Amanda watched she was also aware of how close she was sitting next to Carisi. It was the first time she noticed that, although she had sat next to him numerous times in court. The outer part of his left leg was almost touching her right outer leg and she hated how it made her pulse race thinking about that image.

Carisi was also aware of Amanda He liked that today she had on a black and white floral print skirt. It made her look young, sophisticated and Spring-like. He was also enjoying the fact that there was that wonderful fragrance of gardenias surrounding her again.

After the lawyers identified themselves, the Judge looked up from her folder. She looked rather stern and imposing.

"How does the defendant plea?" Judge Barth asked for the millionth time in her courtroom.

Buchanan nudged his client, letting her know to address the Judge.

"N-Not guilty Your Honor," Laura McMasters declared, her voice slightly shaky.

Judge Barth turned to Rafael, "Mr. Barba?"

"The people are seeking remand for the defendant, due to the heinous nature of the crime," Barba respectfully began, "Laura McMasters is charged with the cold and calculated murder of her husband, Jack McMasters. The people feel the defendant poses a flight risk, due to her easy access to her family's wealth. Laura McMasters would have no qualms about fleeing the vicinity, knowing that her children will be well cared for by her Mother."

"Your Ho- _nor_ ," rebutted Buchanan, sounding exasperated, "Mr. Barba has about the weakest reason for remand I have _ever_ heard in all my years as a defense attorney! He makes it sound as if it's a crime to be wealthy! Mrs. McMasters has no intention of fleeing from this or any jurisdiction. She is a model citizen with no criminal record, not even a parking ticket! When the jury is presented with the facts of the case, they will see that my client is as much a victim as her husband! If it pleases the court, we request you release her on her own recognizance. She poses no threat to society. Laura McMasters has _very_ strong ties to the community. She volunteers in her children's classrooms and takes an active part in their outside activities. To say she would abandon her daughter and son is _absurd,_ due to the fact that my client is the _sole caretaker for her children!_ "

"... _that's_ only because she murdered their _father,_ Your Honor..." Barba snarkily interjected.

There were a few snickers from the courtroom as the Judge banged her gavel as Buchanan looked at Rafael with disdain.

"-whatever happened to the notion that a person is _innocent_ until proven _guilty_?" Buchanan rebounded, "Your Honor, I have spent time with my client and can attest to the fact that Laura McMasters is a devoted mother who would do _anything_ for her two children, even to the detriment of her own life! My client is absolutely _devastated_ by the charges leveled against her and she is wholeheartedly _innocent_ of killing the father of her children! _"_

Barba had to force himself not to roll his eyes.

"Mr. Buchanan seems to be fluent in two languages: English and theatrical adjectives, Your Honor," Barba dryly stated, "and if we are to take the defense counselor at his word that Laura McMasters would do _anything_ for her children, that could also include fleeing the jurisdiction to protect them... _being the devoted mother she_ _is,_ as Mr. Buchannan so eloquently stated earlier."

"Your Honor!" Buchanan indignantly shouted out, "Mr. Barba is making a mockery of-"

But the Judge banged her gavel.

"Enough with the back and forth, Counselors! Save it for the actual trial!" she rendered her decision, "In this instance, I have to agree with Mr. Barba," the Judge stated as she looked at the defense lawyer, "and save the drawn out dramatics for the stage, Mr. Buchannan, this is a courtroom...Defendant is remanded back to prison until the start of the trial..will both sides be ready to present their cases in two days?"

"Absolutely, Your Honor!" Buchanan enthusiastically exclaimed.

"Most assuredly, Your Honor," Barba confidently stated.

The Judge nodded approvingly and then banged the gavel hard, "Next case!"

The Bailiff was already announcing the next case while another prosecutor took Barba's place. Rafael had turned to Carisi and Rollins and gave them a nod as if to say, _"Well, I've done my part!"_

Meanwhile a defeated-looking Laura McMasters was led away by two guards. She turned to give Carisi one last hopeless look before leaving court for jail. _  
_.

Now Carisi and Amanda were in the hallway of the courtroom, along with the gallery of people who seemed to be milling about.

"Looks like the case is going to trial sooner than expected," Amanda stated the obvious.

"Yeah," Carisi looked concerned, "I had hoped that-"

He was interrupted by a shrill voice bursting out of the courtroom doors.

"Detectives!" Ruth Huntington called out to Carisi and Rollins as she hurriedly strode towards them, anger showing on her face.

 _"Mama's bear's back,"_ Amanda murmured to Carisi, " _and she's_ _not_ _full of honey and sunshine, either!"_

In no time Laura McMasters' mother stood facing them, her lips pursed in anger.

"Mrs. Huntington," Carisi respectfully greeted her.

But Ruth Huntington was not in a friendly mood.

"I hope the two of you are happy with yourselves!" she sardonically asked them, "Due to your sloppy detective work, my daughter will be facing charges of _murder_!"

"We're still working vigorously on this case, Mrs. Huntington," Carisi patiently assured the mother, "and if she's innocent, we'll find the culprit."

" _If?_ " Ruth Huntington repeated the word in an incredulous tone, "of _course_ my daughter is innocent! You two are just incompetents! I may just have to hire a private investigator since _you_ two obviously don't know how to do your jobs!"

Amanda looked unconcerned, "You do what you gotta do, then, Mrs. Huntington."

"Don't worry...I intend to!" Ruth Huntington then shook her index finger at Carisi, "and _you_ , Detective... I'll be keeping a VERY sharp eye on you!"

"Really? I can't imagine why," he tried to sound respectful but it was getting hard.

"Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do!" she exclaimed, "low-paying public servants such as yourself will latch on to _anyone_ who has money!" Ruth Huntington gave him a despised expression, "And if you think I'd let you take advantage of my daughter just because she comes from a well to do, respectable family, you've got another thing coming!"

Amanda immediately defended Carisi, "You might not want to make such an accusation to an officer of the law who is trying to help your daughter!"

Ruth Huntington narrowed her eyes, "Don't you _dare_ talk to me that way!"

Carisi tried to reason with the mother, "Look, Mrs. Huntington...we may be the only people between your daughter and _prison_ , so you may want to be more cooperative! _"_

"Humph!" Mrs. Huntington gave the detectives a haughty look before she abruptly turned and walked down the hallway, the familiar clacking of her heels could be heard.

Carisi and Rollins exchanged amused looks.

"I may look calm and collected on the outside," Amanda simmered, "but inside? I just want to punch that lady! Three times!"

"Yeah, she's like clouds in the sky," Carisi observed, "when they disappear, the day is brighter!"

Amanda gave a half-smile, "Did you just make that up?"

"I'm not sure if I just made that up or I just heard it on the weather channel," Carisi straight-faced.

Amanda smiled. At least Carisi didn't seemed to be that bothered by that pushy, snobbish mother.

"Where to now?" she asked.

Amanda had earlier observed the look of guilt on Carisi's face at the end of arraignment court. She hoped he wasn't going to say that he wanted to visit Laura McMasters in prison.

Instead, his response surprised her.

"I'm actually kinda hungry now," he truthfully stated, "Frustration does that to me. You free for lunch?"

.

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	8. Chapter 8

Emotions at Lunchtime

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Chapter 8

New York's Central Park is a quiet haven from the hustle of city life.

Located in the heart of Manhattan, the picturesque park boasts several lakes, ice rinks, fountains, tennis courts, baseball fields, a museum and even a fairytale castle.

In one of the more quiet sections of this park, Carisi and Rollins had purchased hot dogs from the cart vendor, along with two cans of soda and sat at one of the nearby benches.

It was the first time they were able to relax, despite being in the middle of a murder investigation.

They had a perfect view of Central Lake. Besides enjoying the splendor of the fauna and flora which grew abundantly around the lake, this area was also an excellent location for bird watching. One could easily spot swan, ducks and even an occasional egret wandering about. Very scenic. Amanda had just taken a bite of her hot dog when Carisi spoke out.

"So whatta you think about all this?" he asked, gesturing towards the scenery that surrounded them, "It's my favorite spot in the whole park. The solitude gives me an opportunity to think about stuff."

"It' _s_ nice here," Amanda agreed, "but truthfully, it's not what I expected when you said let's go out for lunch."

"Oh," he hoped he hadn't disappointed her, "You wanted to go somewhere fancier?"

"Not fancier," she shrugged, "just maybe a place with a table."

He smiled, Her teasing let him know that she liked his choice.

"Well, I told you we were goin' out to lunch, so here we are, _out_ and it's lunchtime!" he sagely pointed out.

Amanda smiled back, "No complaints here!"

Carisi took a sip of his soda, glad she seemed happy with the place he chose. In fact, it pleased him so much that it made him more talkative than usual.

"A lot of people like the fall season because of the changin' of the leaves," he commented, "but for me, I like _this_ season; springtime the best. It's like Mother Nature is showin' off at what she does best, which is displayin' all the colors she knows how to make. Like there's bright daffodils over there," he gestured, "and off to right side are the colorful tulips, and over to the left are a bunch o' cherry blossom trees all around."

Amanda stopped her eating to turn his way, a surprised expression on her face.

 _"Whattt?"_ he looked bewildered, "did I identify somethin' wrong?"

"No, not that," she professed, "It's just... this poetic stuff you're saying... delicate tulips and happy daffodils or whatever you said...I didn't realize your sensitivity...I dare say, you might cry if you ever saw a unicorn," she teased.

"Who said I hadn't seen one before?" he teased, as she gave a slight laugh.

They ate and sat in silence for a time, enjoying the view of the lake and vistas, as well as the splendor of natural green landscapes. Amanda liked this feeling of...peacefulness. Not a care in the world. Quite a change from the chaotic morning she just experienced hours ago. Carisi was just enjoying spending the time with Amanda.

"By the way, you look nice," he gestured towards her outfit, "I like that flowered skirt you have on."

"Really?" she looked down at it, hoping she wouldn't see anything embarrassing on it, like baby spit or the perhaps the price tag falling out of it, "thanks, I just felt I should wear a skirt to court."

"You should wear them more often," he suggested, thinking she had nice legs, but too shy to say it outloud.

Amanda's cheeks burned as she stared straight ahead. It was hard taking compliments, especially when they came from Carisi.

" _So_..." her mind seemed to be going a mile a minute, trying to find a new topic to discuss, "...uh, I bumped into Barba after court and he informed me that subpoenas are headed our way soon. Looks like we'll be testifying for the prosecution."

Carisi took a bite before he continued, "I think Barba wants us to testify that we heard Laura McMasters threatenin' to shoot her husband just before he was shot dead."

"I had forgotten she had said that," Amanda truthfully answered.

"Yeah, but those words were probably said in the heat of the moment," Carisi reasoned.

 _Again, he was defending her._

"It's not true her confession was said at the heat of the moment," Amanda disagreed, "it was her original reason for coming to the precinct, remember? That confession could be pretty damning in court and I'm not sure how Barba will be able to get around that."

"Barba won't have a difficult time," Carisi confidently stated, "he could claim it was an exaggeration...that all of us have said exaggerated phrases like _'I'm so mad, I could kill him_ ,' before, so her confession wouldn't mean anythin'."

"Why didn't I think of that?" Amanda looked at him with new admiration, "I could see why you had studied law, Carisi. You're a natural lawyer!"

"Maybe," he blushed, " but then, if I were a lawyer..." he turned and focused on her, _"...I wouldn't get to work daily with you."_

The world seemed to stand still.

Immediately a blush rose to Amanda cheeks, causing her to look away.

She kept staring forward, "We were talking about the case," she scrambled to think of something else to say, "So, uh, you still believe Laura McMasters is innocent, don't you?"

Carisi knew Amanda was putting up her guard again, so he decided not to push the issue.

He shrugged, "My instincts are tellin' me that she's not the shooter, but I could be wrong."

Amanda shook her head in frustration. The fact that Carisi felt Laura McMasters was innocent despite all the evidence pointing towards guilt bothered Amanda to no end.

"I think you may be too close to the case."

Carisi thinned his lips.

"You don't like her much, do you?" he asked.

"It's nothing personal," she nonchalantly responded, "I look at her as a murder suspect in a case we're investigating."

"Really? That's how you see her?" Carisi was obviously unconvinced, "The least you could do is be honest with me."

Amanda heaved a frustrated breath out. All conversation between them lately seemed to somehow end up being personal. Well, she might as well clear the air. She was tired of not addressing the elephant in the room.

"Alright, Carisi," she agreed, her tone turning stronger, "if you really want to know how I feel about her, _no_ , I _don't_ particularly care for her! Laura McMasters is the type of woman who is so... NEEDY, and I hate to see that in _any_ woman! The woman needs a backbone!. We aren't helpless, weak creatures, you know!"

Ir took some time for him to answer.

"I never said you were," he quietly stated back.

 _Carisi was missing her point._

"I wasn't referring specifically to me!"

"But I was," he responded back, "You've always been a strong woman, Rollins. That's something I've always admired in you."

Amanda couldn't believe that her cheeks were burning red again.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't looking for accolades."

"I know that, Rollins, but I think you should hear a compliment every now and then."

This was getting more awkward. Amanda needed to put an end to this.

"Carisi, let's just put it all out there so we don't get any mixed messages, okay?" she took a deep breath in, "It's about...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about you and me."

He scowled, "Wrong message?"

"Yeah," she was working up her courage, "All the times you've spent with Jesse and me, and all the talks we've had...it's nice and all, but that's all it is. We're friends."

Amanda could feel her stomach cramp as she cautiously looked Carisi's way. His expression showed puzzlement. Or was that disappointment?

"Friends," he announced it like a death sentence.

"Yes, _friends_ ," she concurred, " And nothing more. I'm...I'm not ready to get involved with anyone...not that I'm not saying that anyone is _you._..I'm just saying I'm not ready for _anyone_ in my life!"

He tilted his head, "So why not?"

 _So he wasn't going to drop the subject. This was harder than she expected. She needed to be blunt._

"Don't you get it, Carisi?" Amanda looked frustrated, "I'm _damaged_."

"In what way?"

"Can we just drop this?" Amanda wasn't sure she wanted to elaborate, "It's been a nice lunch so far and I don't want to ruin it!"

"I'm not sure we should drop it," he honestly answered, "We have some unanswered questions between us."

She sighed, "Look, Carisi, I'm sure you've heard about...my, um, _history_ of getting involved with co-workers..."

Carisi nodded, "I've heard some."

"Yeah, well, whatever you've heard, it's probably true and worse than what you imagined. I've been around and what I've learned from all that is that my 'good guy' radar is broken. Messed-up. I have a knack for picking the wrong type of guy for me. So I've decided it's not worth it. I'm done with men."

Amanda felt a heavy load had been lifted off her at her admission, although she couldn't say she felt any better. She hated the idea that Carisi would think less of her and maybe he wouldn't want to talk with her as much in the future. She hoped she hadn't ruined their working relationship.

Meanwhile as Carisi watched her, he could tell that she meant every word she uttered.

"Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet," he suggested.

"That's what I'm saying, Carisi. There _is_ no right guy for me, and as far as you..." she hated telling him the next part, but it was necessary, "...I think you deserve someone better, and I hope you find her someday, too. I really mean that."

But she wasn't sure she meant it.

Her words hung heavy in the air.

Carisi was quiet and Amanda wondered what he could be thinking. He truly was a nice guy with a good heart and needed someone...less complicated.

"So I deserve someone who's not damaged?" he asked.

"Exactly," she stated, though she felt her heart sinking.

More silence until he took a deep breath.

"I think the person I deserve _could_ be damaged...or not," he slowly stated, "because the person for me... is someone... who..." he searched for the right words, "...could understand _me._ Someone...like _you._.."

 _Amanda took a hard swallow. There were no mixed messages. Carisi had feelings for her._

Her throat tighten at his admission. But she had to admit, there was something between them. It was this emotional connection that she never felt in her previous dealings with Amaro or Declan. But still, nothing should happen between them because if it didn't work out, it would devastate her.

 _After all, Carisi made her day just by showing up every morning._

 _She shouldn't give Carisi... no, both of them... hope._

 _And her heart shattered a little at the realization._

"I think we've said all that needed to be said," she firmly told him, "a-and we need to get back to the precinct. We've still got a lot of work to do."

For a time, Carisi didn't move or say anything. She felt miserable. A slight breeze came up and she worked up the courage to look his way. His hair ruffled lightly in the breeze, causing a strand to fall forward on his face. For for a split second she wondered what it would feel like if she could gently brush it away from his forehead.

At last he nodded.

"Yeah. Sure. Work."

He stood and wordless began collecting the trash and putting it in the bag that originally held the hot dogs.

Wanting to help him, Amanda also stood and picked up her trash. Her hand been shaking, causing the rumpled refuse to fall on the ground.

"I got it," she murmured, stooping down.

"Let me," Carisi stated at the same time, also bending down.

Their hands inadvertently collided as they reached for the crumpled paper. They both stiffened as they gazed into each other's eyes. Gingerly they straightened and stood, unable to tear their eyes away from one another. They stared mesmerized, as desire and arousal swirled around them.

And they experienced a dizzying sensation down to the very depths of their souls.

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	9. Chapter 9

A Different Plea

Chapter 9

Their gazes were intricately locked as they stood facing one another, not knowing how to react, but knowing that something special was happening between them.

Carisi wondered if Amanda had felt the earth slightly shift like he had when their hands collided.

Her nearness was all he could think about as everything else fell away. It wasn't as if he hadn't been with other women, but this was the first time an accidental impact had affected him this way.

Meanwhile, as she stood facing him, mesmerized, Amanda was struggling to pull some air into her lungs. His eyes bore into hers and caused her heart to beat erratically.

Moments like this only happened in romance novels, not between two working police detectives, she reasoned. This couldn't be real. Besides, she had just made it clear to Carisi that they could only be friends, yet here she was, held spellbound by her strong attraction to him.

"I'm..." Amanda swallowed hard, "I'm...confused."

Carisi's eyes traveled down to her lips for a milli-second, causing a shiver to run up her spine.

He licked his lips, "'bout what?"

Sensual energy pulsed between them and Amanda knew she'd better think of something quick.

"I-I can't decide," she continued, her cheeks burning, "Uh... whether to call you Sonny or Dominick."

She tried to make light of it, but the situation was anything but casual. Carisi's gaze was subtly seductive as he boldly reached up and touched her cheek, like he had done before, except this time his hand lingered. It sent Amanda's pulse racing and she wanted so badly to shut her eyes to savor the sensation.

"You can call me " he softly informed her, "... whichever name will make us closer than friends."

They both knew their friendship line was quickly getting blurred and dangerous. Soon, there would be no going back.

Amanda felt a flutter of panic, but she never looked away, "...I-I'm not sure if we should get... closer."

 _At least it wasn't an out-right reject,_ Carisi internalized.

Encouraged, he took one step forward. Carisi was so close now that Amanda could actually make out his close-shaven stubble, a shadow which enhanced his manliness. Her heart began to thunder in excitement.

With full confidence, he stated, "This feels right, Amanda."

Amanda could see the desperate yearning in his eyes and knew it was reflected in hers as well.

"I...know..." she reacted, realizing that whatever happened, she would not reject him as she lifted her head in anticipation.

She couldn't move or speak as Carisi lowered his head and-

BUZZ!BUZZ!

A cellphone.

The moment dissipated as Amanda looked around and Carisi groaned.

"Yours?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Uh, yeah,...Sorry," Carisi apologized as he retrieved his cellphone.

Amanda watched as Carisi nodded and acknowledged the caller who said a few words and then quickly hung up.

"Don't tell me," Amanda dryly stated, "Laura McMasters?"

"No, Barba," Carisi explained, looking glum, "seems Buchanan's called a meetin' at Barba's office. He claims he has some big announcement."

They couldn't imagine what it would be, but it was back to detective work.

Carisi put his phone away and though his heart was still pulsating, he was able to look at Amanda with regret.

"Amanda, about what just happened between us-"

"...shouldn't have," she finished the thought, " We have a case to solve, so let's head on over to Barba's and find out what's going on."

He knew she was right. No other words could explain what had just occurred between them, anyway.

"Yeah, sure," he sounded disheartened, "Let's go."

He turned away.

Amanda called him back, "Wait...Carisi..."

He faced her again.

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice sounding flat.

"I'm going to keep calling you _Carisi_ ," she declared.

.

.

Barba and defense lawyer Buchanan were already in Barba's office when the detectives entered.

Barba was dressed in his usually spiffy three piece suit with a paisley silk handkerchief showing from his jacket pocket. He looked relieved upon seeing the detectives.

"Everyone present and accounted for," he announced, as Carisi and Rollins sat down and he looked at the defense attorney, "so, Buchanan, the floor's all yours; what's this all about?"

John Buchanan was a huge man with a brain to match. Barba knew never to underestimate him.

"Aren't we sounding rather testy today," Buchanan sardonically noted, "especially since I called this meeting as a courtesy to the three of _you._ "

Barba guffawed, "That'll be the day when you do a favor for _us_! You've already interrupted me in the middle of my mid-day yoga poses, so whatever you've got to say, it better be good!"

Carisi and Amanda exchanged amused glances.

"It is." Buchanan reassured him, "My client, Laura McMasters wishes to change her plea from NOT guilty to _guilty_ in the shooting of her husband, Jack McMasters!"

There was hushed silence and shocked faces in the room.

Barba recovered, "Why this sudden change of a plea by your client?"

"There were some mitigating circumstances as to why she did the crime," Buchanan calmly explained.

"And that would be...that she wanted her husband dead?"

Buchanan ignored the prosecutor's sarcasm.

"My client was only guilty of pulling the trigger," he clarified, " _however,_ she had a legal right to shoot him. The so-called _'victim',_ her husband, was a monster who abused Laura and verbally abused the kids. Her mother and brother will testify that they had begged Laura to leave him for years, but as we know, that's water under the bridge. So I'm just giving you a heads up that I'm going to go before the judge to change the plea to guilty with mitigating circumstances. And unless the detectives want to help me by finding _other_ people to verify the fact that she had been abused, they can stop working on this case _now_."

"Your change in plea makes my job easier, but I still don't get it," Barba looked confused, "We already knew about the abuse angle _before,_ so what has changed? Her reasoning is the same as before, except previously she stated she WASN'T the one who shot her husband, and now she is?" he lifted a brow accusingly, "I hope, Counselor, there wasn't any coercion that took place regarding Laura McMasters."

Buchanan waved that idea aside.

"Not on my part," he claimed.

"Then what got her to confess to being guilty?" Barba wanted to know, "I doubt it was due to your wit and charm."

"Off the record?" Buchannan asked.

Barba nodded, "If it has to be."

"It's the weirdest thing, really," Buchanan confessed, "Laura McMasters had asked me for a meeting. When I had arrived at the prison, she just blurted out, "I killed Jack," just like that, and then started to cry. I asked her for details, but she clammed up and wouldn't say another word about it, except she was definitely changing her plea to guilty and she would not change her mind again."

"Strange," Barba mumbled, seemingly to be in deep thought.

"Tell me about it," Buchanan grunted, "But I'm not sweating it. All I have to worry about now is having my client allocute to the judge."

"Unless Laura McMasters _isn'_ t guilty," Carisi spoke out, "I don't think we should stop investigatin' because the case isn't over with just yet."

"You think my client is innocent, yet you're working for the prosecution side?" Buchanan looked surprised, "That's a new one! And how to you plan to prove that she's innocent anyway, Detective?"

Carisi sounded confident, "I think the key to this case is we still need to find the gun."

Buchanan looked incredulous.

"What? Did you even hear what I said?" he questioned Carisi, "My client already confessed to the shooting! Why is finding the gun necessary?"

"Because I find her confession is suspect," Carisi reasoned, "so finding the gun would be the evidence we need to prove whoever last possessed the gun, fired it. And maybe that person _isn'_ t Laura McMasters."

"I agree with Detective Carisi," piped in Amanda, " we should continue investigating until we have a real reason not to."

He looked at her with grateful eyes and she gave a determined look back at him.

"I have two unsatisfied detectives here," Barba stated to Buchanan, "and I can go either way with your client's plea. But I advise you to wait a while before going to the judge with the change in plea, just to see what the detectives come up with."

Buchanan didn't look happy. An allocution would have brought the trial to a quick close. But he knew he had to do the best for his client.

"I'm a fair man," Buchanan announced,"so I'm giving you _48 hours_ before I go to the judge with a plea of guilty."

Carisi was the only one who breathed a sigh of relief.

So it was settled.

.

.

"So what do you think about that new plea of guilty?" Amanda asked as they drove back to the precinct. Again, she was one the one who volunteered to drive.

"Hard to say," Carisi stated from the passenger seat, "I can't believe Laura McMasters admitted to killing her husband."

"Can't believe or won't accept?" Amanda asked.

"Both, really," Carisi admitted, "I think she felt pressured to lie, but for what reason, I can't say."

When she stopped at a red light, Amanda looked at Carisi as if he had lost his mind.

"Or maybe she did shoot him. Think about it, Carisi, why would anybody say they killed someone if they hadn't?"

"Maybe to get the proceedings over with, or she was threatened, or to protect someone." Carisi theorized as she proceeded forward, "Amanda, you and I have both been cops long enough to know that people make false confessions all the time."

From his side view of Amanda, he could tell that she had a slight smile to her lips, which confused him.

" _Whaat?_ " he wanted to know.

"You called me 'Amanda' again," she stated, "It felt odd the first time, but I'm beginning to like it."

He couldn't believe that here they were, in the middle of a murder discussion and Amanda was thinking of something so minute. And yet, it pleased him.

"Then I'll call you by your first name from now on if you like...except when we're in the precinct," Carisi promised, "we don't want to be the cause of Fin sufferin' a heart attack!"

Amanda chortled, which felt good after such a trying day.

"So we're good, right?" she asked.

Both knew what she wasn't referring to the case. And both were anxious to push their relationship back to normalcy so that they could proceed with the investigation. Otherwise, it could be then end of their working any case together.

"Yeah, we're good. We're fine," Carisi stated at last.

"I'm glad," she looked relieved, and then as further proof that things were regular between them, "So, um, do you want to come over to my place after work? It's been a while since Jesse and I savored a meal off of Carisi's home-cooked meals menu. I was hoping tonight's special would be pasta carbonara."

She held her breath.

Carisi grinned, "So the two of you really missed my cooking, eh?"

Internally, she felt relief, "You bet we do!"

"I would totally believe that about the two of you...except Jesse doesn't have any teeth yet!"

They were both smiling now.

Their awkwardly intimate moment seemed so long ago.

"Okay, you've got me. It's _me_ who's missed your cooking," Amanda admitted, " _and_ as added incentive, I'll be willing to throw in a special dessert into the mix, my treat."

"Special dessert? You mean _Jello_ , again?" Carisi teased.

She lightly swatted him in the arm.

"Ow!" he stated, holding onto his arm as if it had been injured.

"You're such a baby!" jested Amanda, "and in answer to your sarcastic question, _noooo_ , NOT jello...I was thinking of picking up a cheesecake from La Masseria on my way home from work. So what do you say?"

The moment changed again.

Amanda started to feel panicky anxiousness when Carisi didn't immediately accept.

"Well?" she cajoled him, "I hate the idea that anything could get in the way of two friends sharing a meal."

They had arrived at the precinct parking lot. Amanda put the gear in 'park', but neither one of them got out. They both remained in the car.

Carisi didn't look at her as he continued staring straight ahead. He took a calming breath before he looked over at her and answered.

"You say that we're friends, and of course we are," he began slowly, "but there's somethin' between us, Amanda, somethin' unique and you can't deny that fact."

He searched her face, looking for confirmation.

Her insides quaked inside as she quietly stated _, "No, I can't deny it."_

 _Vzzzzzzzzzt..._

Carisi looked frustrated when his cellphone vibrated just at that moment. With a reluctant sigh, he pulled out his phone.

"Sorry," he exclaimed, "a text this time...it might be somethin' important about the case."

There was a scowl on his face as he read the text.

"What's up?" Amanda questioned

"That was a text from...Laura McMasters," Carisi ruefully stated, putting his phone back in his pocket, "she asks to see me...that it's very important..."

So probably no dinner together tonight.

Amanda tried not to show her annoyance, but that phone call and everything else that took place between them just proved to her that it was best they remain friends and co-workers.

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 _Please review_


	10. Chapter 10

A Visit in Prison

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Chapter 10

The jail bar door slammed behind Carisi during prisoner visiting hours. Across the lone table in the room sat Laura McMasters, dressed in an orange jumpsuit. She looked miserable. Carisi noticed how swelled up her eyes were. She had obviously been crying.

"Hey, you okay?" Carisi asked her, a concerned look on his face.

She meekly looked down and nodded.

Her older brother, Larry Huntington, sat next to her. From what Carisi could observe, Larry must have gotten his looks from the other side of the family's gene pool. He was not considered good looking in the least, with seedy eyes, a balding head and a slight paunch.

Larry explained his reason for being here.

"My sister has named me co-counsel on her case," Larry informed Carisi, "and just so you know, I advised her not to discuss the case."

"I just wanna know why I'm here," Carisi stated, looking from the brother to the sister.

Laura turned towards her brother, as if asking for approval. He gave a slight nod.

She looked Carisi's way.

"I-I'm not sure if you heard, Detective Carisi, but I've changed my plea to guilty."

"Yeah, I heard that," Carisi acknowledged, "so you're admittin' to shootin' your husband."

She nodded, "Y-yes."

"You don't sound certain," Carisi observed, "you sure your brother here didn't collude you into pleadin' guilty?"

"The hell!" Larry blustered.

"What?" Laura asked in disbelief, "No, no...Larry didn't..." she shook her head, "no, of course not," she held her head high, "The decision was my own."

Carisi looked bothered, "The way you're actin', I don't think you'll be able to convince a jury of your guilt."

"Who cares _what_ you think?" Larry rudely interjected.

"Larry!" Laura shot an angry glance at her brother.

"I thought you said he was a friend!" he barked back, " _some_ friend!"

"Pay no mind to my brother," she murmured to Carisi.

Carisi was losing patience, "Is that it? Cuz if it is, I'll be headin' back to the precinct. Detective Rollins and I plan to follow up on some leads. There's still some unanswered questions we've got with this case, whether you plead guilty or not."

"Oh... _Detective Rollins,"_ Laura mumbled under her breath, _" I should have known."_

Larry looked confused, "What? What is this all about?"

She shrugged "Nothing, forget it, " she looked desperate when Carisi began to get up, "Wait! Detective! Please!" she begged, "There's more I want to say!"

Carisi sat back down, "What is it?"

Before Laura continued, she turned to her brother,, "Listen, Lar...you mind leaving for a bit?"

"What? " Larry looked confused, "Why?"

"It's just that..." Laura struggled to explained, "... I want to talk in private with Detective Carisi."

Larry scowled, "As your brother and your co-counsel, I highly advise against it!"

"Can you go, please? I won't talk about my plea or the case, if that's what you're worried about," she assured him.

"Leaving you two alone is ill-advised!" Larry told her "I think the best thing to do is-"

"-LARRY, JUST GO!" she decisively yelled out, effectively cutting him off.

The room was filled with tension as Larry's jaw dropped. Obviously he had never heard this take-charge tone from his sister, but it was obvious she was not backing down.

Recovering, Larry closed his mouth and nonchalantly stated, "Yeah, sure I'll go, but I'm only giving you FIVE minutes with this so-called _detective_ " he bitterly announced, "and I'm warning you, you better not say anything to jeopardize the case!"

"Good-bye, Lar," she simply stated, purposely not looking at him.

"Fine!" He indignantly stood.

He called out to the guard, who was located just outside the door. No one acknowledged his leaving as the door shut behind him.

"I'm sorry about my brother's behavior," Laura apologized after he left, "He's usually not so rude. At least not until _after_ you've known him awhile!"

Carisi half-smiled at her attempt at a joke, and then his expression became solemn again, " Actually, I think his rudeness is due to the fact that he was probably caught off guard."

She tilted her head, "Off guard? Over what?"

"Over how you stood up to him. You were in complete control of the situation when you told him to leave."

"You think so?" For the first time her eyes seemed to brighten, "I'm glad I ordered him out then!" she definitely appeared more animated now, "It was a lot easier than I thought it would be!'

"Yeah, and maybe you'll be more incline to go up against him in the future!" Carisi encouraged her, "it just goes to show that you can be strong when you want to be!"

"I like that I can be strong!" she looked proud and then her eyes turned sincere, "And I owe that success to you because of your help and support."

"No, you've had it inside of you all this time," Carisi stated with certainty.

They chatted a few minutes about how the prison conditions and how well she was holding up. She looked tired, and at times she was scared, but she insisted everyone left her alone because she kept to herself, giving no other prisoners a reason to bully her because she had no reaction except misery. After a little more small talk, Carisi decided to switch to a subject where he wanted an answer.

"So," Carisi stated, "Let's talk about your guilty plea."

Her face suddenly fell as her confidence began to ebb again.

"My guilty plea?"

"Yeah. So were you lyin' _then_ or are you lyin' _now_ about shootin' your husband?" he bluntly asked.

She looked scared, "I-I told my brother that I _wouldn't_ talk about the case."

 _"You_ promised him that, not _me_ ," he stated, "And, personally, I think you're making the wrong decision in pleadin' guilty."

"But I did shoot Jack, I-I did!" Her voice only slightly quivered as she looked at him with uncertainty, "Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you've changed your mind so suddenly with no cause," he reasoned, "What else am I suppose to think? You're either protectin' someone or someone coerced you to make that plea."

"No, nothing like that," she dropped her head in defeat as she mumbled, " _My mother was right. I deserve to be in here._ "

"You need to stop with the pity party thing, too."

Laura was speechless as she shook her head miserably, her eyes still downward. She had shut completely down.

"Hey," Carisi called out to her, but she was unresponsive now.

"Hey...Laura," he attempted again, "look at me."

She slowly brought her head up, her eyes staring in defeat at him.

"You sure you're not protectin' someone _,"_ he questioned her, "like your mother, your brother or one of your kids?"

Laura's eyes blazed, "No!" she adamantly answered.

"So why didn't you confess to shooting your husband to begin with?" Carisi asked her, "why the change of plea in a middle of the case?"

"I-I just wanted to c-come clean is all," her nervous stuttering had returned, "and I asked you here, because I wanted some support from you" Her eyes were pleading, "is that too much to ask, Dominick?"

"Yeah, it is, if you're innocent, " he told her, "My advise is that you don't allocute. Go through with the trial 'n put your trust in the system."

She met his eyes, "You really think I'm innocent, don't you?"

"You said you were innocent when it first happened," he stated, "I haven't heard anythin' to contradict that fact."

She liked the idea that he had faith in her, "Do you think there's a chance I could get out of a murder charge if I'm innocent?" her eyes looked wistfully at him.

"Our court system is not perfect, Laura, " he explained, "but it's the best we have. And we usually get it right."

"I want to believe that." Tears surfaced, "I want to get out of here!"

He nodded, "Yeah, sure, but the first step is...you gotta be truthful with the truth!"

She nodded.

 _"I'm innocent,"_ she barely stated above a whisper.

He looked relieved, "Glad to hear that."

"I _will_ trust the system," she convinced herself, "and what about you, Dominick?"

He didn't get her question, "What about me?"

She timidly asked, " Will you be there for me during the trial...and afterwards?"

Carisi shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Look, Laura," he wanted to make it clear to her, "I think you're still gettin' the wrong impression. I care about you like I care about _all_ victims that need help. Other than that, I'm just a cop investigatin' your case, but I will fight to get you justice, whatever that is. You can count on that."

He thought it would reassure her, but instead she looked miserable.

New tears welled up in her eyes, "You're a cop and I'm the defendant in a case you're investigating." She leaned back in her chair, looked down and mumbled, _"I get it."_

She had totally reverted back to her defeated self. Carisi now wished that Laura's brother hadn't left. He frustratingly ran his fingers through his hair. This was getting complicated. At least now he understood how she became so timid and frightened, because how could she not, with an overbearing mother, bossy brother and abusive husband?

They had stopped communicating as they sat quietly in the prison cell. And that's how Larry Huntington found them when returned. He could see his sister had shut down again. Inwardly, he was glad; he didn't like it when Laura was speaking her own mind.

But he was wrong; she _did_ have a mind of her own.

He had just taken his seat when his sister addressed him.

"Lar, I'm reversing my plea back to innocent," she informed him, "so you need to tell Mr. Buchanan that. I hope he hasn't gone through the trouble of going to the judge yet."

"WHAT?!" Larry stared at her in disbelief.

"I'm pleading innocent because I am!" she stated with determination, standing up to him once again.

Larry looked incredulous as he turned to Carisi, "What the hell did you tell my sister?"

"I told her to tell the truth," Carisi evenly responded.

"You talked to her about the case!" Larry accused him. He next turned to his sister, "Laura, didn't I _specifically_ tell you NOT to talk about the case?"

Laura bit her bottom lip, refusing to answer.

"She didn't give up any new information, if that's what you're worried about," Carisi defended her, " and shouldn't you be happy that your sister is sayin' she's _innocent_ of a crime?"

"Happy? What's there to be happy about?" Larry angrily asked, "She was ready to allocute to lesser charges and now there's going to be a long drawn out trial where _our_ family's name will be dragged through the mud!"

"Is that what all this is about?" Carisi forcibly asked, "you want to protect your family reputation?"

"No! I'm saying I don't want my sister to run the risk of going to jail for life!" Larry yelled back.

"You sure didn't say that to begin with," Carisi pointed out.

"GET OUT!" Larry dismissively shouted at him.

"I'll leave when I'm good and ready to," Carisi firmly declared, "and come to think of it, I never did get YOUR statement the night of the incident."

"I already gave my account to the police of that night...you can check their records," Larry subconsciously straightened his jacket, "I wasn't involved. I arrived at the murder scene _after_ the shooting.."

"Yeah, I saw the report," Carisi verified, "but they fail to ask you one very important question about that night."

Despite being indignant, Larry was also curious, "What question?"

"Had you been by Laura's house earlier that night, _before_ the murder?"

Larry's eyes narrowed, "Surely you're not implying that _I_ had anything to do with the murder, are you?"

Carisi shrugged, "Just tryin' get the timeline straight. You were, after all, the first one on the scene. You arrived well before the police. It was like you were in the shadows, ready to pop out at the opportune moment..."

The implication was clear.

"I DO live around the corner, you know!" Larry's eyes blazed with anger.

"That's why I need to keep investigatin'." Carisi threw him a suspicious eye.

But Larry Huntington was like every other lawyer; he would get the last jab in.

"Oh, so you think my sister is so innocent, eh, Detective?" he had a malicious look on his face, "...wellll, I guess that means she didn't tell you _everything_ she knew about that night, _did she_?"

Laura looked alarmed, "Lar, don't..." she warned.

Carisi didn't like what Laura's brother was alluding to. He didn't want to, but he took the bait.

"Tell me _what_ about that night?"

"About the gun used in the shooting of Jack McMasters," Larry Huntington had a smug, satisfied look on his face, "You know the one that went missing afterwards? Seems it really _isn't_ missing after all, since my sister knows EXACTLY where it is!"

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 _Please review_


	11. Chapter 11

It's Not All About the Case

Chapter 11

Back at the precinct, Amanda was hunched over her computer screen.

"Hmmm, that's strange," she stated to Fin, who sat across from her.

"What is?" he asked.

"Just got a report back from our tech guys," she stated, "They were able to upload some additional emails from Laura McMasters' computer. Turns out she participated in some kind of message board for abused women. She mentioned how her husband abused her. She also stated her desire to shoot her husband. It's all right here."

"So she acknowledges wantin' to shoot her husband in print," Fin scowled, "What about it?"

"It's just unusual. Abused wives rarely do that," Amanda stated.

"You think she's fakin' bein' abused?"

"No, she had definitely been abused by her husband..." Amanda was in deep thought, "but it got me wondering; If she _had_ planned to eventually shot her husband, why would she advertise it? First to an anonymous abuse hotline and then to us. It would only make her look _more_ guilty."

Fin looked confused, "So now you think she's innocent?" he shook his head in disbelief, "You're beginning to sound a bit like Carisi."

"Carisi?" she repeated.

"Yeah, _Carisi_ ," Fin emphasized, "Remember him? The skinny cop who dresses fly at this precinct? The one you get that weird far-away look every time I mention his name?"

"I do not!" she instantly denied it, though her cheeks were warm, "And if I get that faraway look, it's probably because I'm hoping he's far-away from me!"

Fin stared unconvincingly at her, "Yeah, okay, you go with that, and maybe later you can sell me some swampland!"

She chose to ignore Fin's remark.

"Anyway," Amanda stated, "I didn't even get to the most interesting part about these emails. Although a lot of people empathized with her situation, there's this one anonymous person who keeps emailing back, encouraging her to go ahead and shoot her husband!"

"Oh yeah?" Fin finally perked up, "Maybe we need to check that person out."

"Yeah, I have a call out to the tech people about that," she informed him, "but looks like we may have to wait it out. They say they're backlogged with other cases."

"Maybe your 'far-away' boyfriend could pressure the tech guys," Fin teased.

Amanda's response was to scrunch up a scratch paper and toss it at Fin, who ducked.

"I don't comment on YOUR personal life, do I?" she challenged him.

"If I was getting personal with someone from the precinct, you would," he responded back, as they heard footsteps approaching.

Familiar footsteps.

Carisi's footsteps.

He was back from his prison visit with Laura McMasters.

Immediately Fin hunched over in his seat and pretended to be reading something in one of his folders while Amanda continued reading the computer screen.

"Heyyyy," Carisi entered, looking at the two of them, "What's up? Did I miss anything?"

He tried to act casual but he could feel his heart beating faster as he looked Amanda's way. He felt as though he had been away from her forever. Meanwhile, Amanda felt her breathing quickened at his presence.

She cleared her throat, "I've got something here," she stated, trying to keep her voice steady, "evidently, Laura McMasters received an e-mail from someone anonymous who continually encouraged her to kill her husband!"

"Oh yeah?" Carisi looked interested.

"Yeah, and I think it's worth checking out," Amanda suggested.

"I think so too," Carisi nodded, and "I appreciate you bein' objective like that."

She shrugged, "it's another lead. Who knows? We could've overlooked something."

His eyes lit up and she gave him a genuine smile.

Fin looked from one to the other.

"Do you two can get a room or somethin'?" he sardonically interjected.

Another scrunched paper flew his way, this time hitting Fin in the arm.

"Ouch! Hey, watch it!" he complained, "That's my pitchin' arm!"

.

It was 9pm in Amanda's apartment.

She was exhausted as she tossed a towel over her shoulder and then rested Jesse's head on the newly placed towel, in order to burp her. Jesse had been fussy most of the night and she was anxious to put her to bed as she lightly patted the baby on the back.

 _*burp*_

"Good girl, Jesse," she whispered with a satisfied smile, as she got up and put Jesse down in her crib.

She had just left the nursery when she heard the light knock at her door. Moving towards the door, she opened it and was surprised to see Carisi at the door. Her pulse immediately quickened.

"Carisi?" she questioned, as her heart began to race, "What are you doing here?"

He held out a bag he had in his hand.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought you might want a late night snack of chocolate cream donuts from Sullivan's Street Bakery."

Amanda didn't say it, but Sullivan's Street Bakery was on the other side of town.

"Oh yeah?" Her mouth watered just thinking about the donuts as she opened the door wider, "Late night snack surprises are always welcomed, Carisi, so come on in!"

Carisi walked in as Amanda shut the door behind him. Their eyes met and Carisi experienced that funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. They awkwardly stood in the entryway until Carisi cleared his throat.

"...I suppose we could, uh, put these donuts on some plates..." he weakly suggested.

"Riiight..." Amanda recovered, "I'll just go and get some plates...why don't you go in the living room. I've already got some coffee brewing, too, if you want some."

He had been in her apartment numerous times, but tonight it felt odd, discomforting and nice, all mixed in together.

"Coffee sounds great!" Carisi yelled back as he went into the living room and placed the bag down on the coffee table, "Is Jesse already asleep?"

"Yes, but barely," Amanda had come into the living room with the two plates and two mugs of coffee on a tray, "The sandman came and visited her just minutes ago."

"Too bad," he regretfully stated.

"Does have to be, if you're quiet. You can sneak into the nursery and check inside her crib if you want," she suggested, as she set the treats on the plates.

"Maybe later," he half-smiled, showing enough of his dimples to make Amanda weak in the knees.

She sat down next to him and took a bite of her donut. Carisi's dimples were forgotten as her taste buds exploded with pleasure.

"Wow," she said, "I had forgotten how great Sullivan's donuts are! Thanks for picking them up!"

"Don't mention it," Carisi modestly stated as he also took a bite.

After taking a sip of coffee, she asked, "so how was your visit with Laura McMasters earlier today?"

"Telling," he casually stated.

"Oh?" Amanda looked interested, "did she say something you didn't know about the case?"

"Yeah, but not enough," Carisi told her, "turns out she might know the location of the murder weapon."

Amanda looked shocked, "Really? Why didn't you say something about that earlier? We could've gone out there and retrieved it! Where is it?"

"I don't know."

She looked exasperated, "Why don't you know?"

He explained, "Her brother was also there, actin' as co-counsel and HE was the one who said Laura knew about the locaion of the weapon. Laura McMasters denied it, unfortunately, so it's another dead end for us. But I have a feelin' she _does_ know the gun's location because that would be a strange thing for her brother to just blurt out. "

"That's disappointing," Amanda sighed, "I guess we'll just have to locate the weapon on our own."

"Yeah. I don't trust that brother of hers. He comes off as pompous 'n vindictive. I'm not sure he's workin' for the benefit of his sister, either."

"Must be a Huntington trait," she acknowledged, as she took a sip from her mug "Anything else you get from the visit?"

Carisi looked unsure; as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say.

"Welllll..." he cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable, "turns out you were right about one thing. Laura McMasters had a different impression of my involvement with her. She thought it was more personal, but I set her straight."

One of Amanda's eyebrow shot up, but she wasn't about to do a 'I-told-you-so' lecture.

"You have _any_ personal feelings for her?" she pointedly asked.

He shrugged, "She's attractive, I'll admit that."

"She is," Amanda agreed.

"But you were right when you said she is needy. And personally, I've never been drawn to that type of woman."

 _Oh God._

Amanda knew exactly where this conversation was headed. A myriad of emotions played in her heart.

"Carisi, let's not start _this_ talk again..."

"We're not startin' it, Amanda, we're just continuin' it," he calmly stated, "and we'll stop when we have some answers."

Amanda should have figured this was what would happen if she let him in her apartment tonight. She should have closed the door on him, but maybe a part of her wanted it all to come out, too.

"Okay, fair enough," Amanda conceded, "What else needs to be said?"

Carisi looked uncomfortable; this wasn't going to be easy for him, either.

"I know we're workin' hard on a case together, Amanda, but the truth of matter is...it's not all about the case. I can't stop thinkin' about you," he admitted, "and it's drivin' me crazy _. You're_ drivin' me crazy."

It was happening again.

All the feelings, all the emotions came flooding back again.

He gazed at Amanda with an intensity that made every inch of her skin burn. The air between them was charged as Amanda's pulse raced. His intense scrutiny caused her heart to begin thumping in mad rhythm.

The mug in Amanda hand was shaking so she placed it back down.

"For once, I'm speechless..." she admitted.

His eyes lingered on hers, "Is that all you can say? How do you feel about me?"

Embarrassed, Amanda dropped her head, "Well, I've...uh, certainly taken notice of you, Carisi."

She didn't see his expression but she got his sarcasm when he responded with, "Just stop with the barrage of compliments, Rollins! I'm not sure if I can take it all in!"

That got her to smile and she was now able to look at him. But when she did, a paralyzing warmth penetrated her.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this," she honestly answered.

Carisi did not take his eyes off hers as he reached over to close his hand over hers. Her throat felt dry as she glanced at their enjoined hands, causing a flood of pleasure to run through her.

"From the start, you've always been honest with me ," Carisi's voice was gentle now, "sometimes brutally honest. So now's not the time to suddenly dance around an issue."

She nodded, savoring the warmth of his hand on hers.

"You're right, I have been evasive about my feelings," she told him, "It's just that this happiness stuff has always eluded me in the past," she sadly shook her head, and then suddenly her eyes then became leveled with his, "... that is, until I met you _._ "

Carisi was overwhelmed with emotions as his heart leaped with joy at her admission.

"I'm glad you're bein' honest now," he quietly commented.

"Don't get _too_ used to it; I'll not always be this reflective and deep!" she lightly stated, "I can also be difficult."

"That's a fact."

"Gee, thanks."

"You know what I mean," Carisi gave a playful smile back before becoming serious again, "but I also know that difficult self of yours is also capable of givin' 'n acceptin' happiness, too!"

 _Oh, Carisi_. With every line he spoke, he was breaking every defensive wall she had so carefully built up through the years in order to protect herself.

And when his hand reached up to gently touch her cheek, she felt her willpower crumbling. She was held spellbound by his touch.

"So..." her gaze still lingering on his, "...what happens between us now?"

The way he looked at her made her cheeks prickle with heat.

"Somethin' magical," he answered.

She swallowed hard as her gaze swept over his face, "I think it could be magical between us, too."

And both knew _this_ time it would happen.

.

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 _Please review_


	12. Chapter 12

From One End to the Other

Chapter 12

Still situated on Amanda's sofa, Carisi and Rollins stared intensely at one another, just like they had the first day of this case. The only difference was that they knew the feelings between them were mutual. An enthralling warmth began to flood both their bodies when they realized things between them had gotten very personal.

"Amanda," Carisi's eyes had softened, "I have a confession to make."

She swallowed hard, the anticipation growing, "What is it?"

"Ever since we started to working together," he began, his tone soft, laced with sincerity, "I felt we just clicked, even when things between us were rough. When I'm with you...I wish time could stop."

 _Oh Carisi_. A sweet ache formed inside Amanda at his words.

She nodded, "I know what you mean. I feel I don't have to pretend when I'm around you... well...except...when it comes to discussing our feelings. I wish we could be more ourselves in regards to that."

"Me, too," Carisi sadly agreed, "why don't we start being more honest with one another now?"

His words made her catch her breath.

The silence in the room was filled with sensual tension. Amanda watched with wide eyes as Carisi scooted closer until he was only a breath away from her. A whiff of his woodsy, masculine cologne drove her dizzy with anticipation. He was so close that she could almost hear _his_ heart pounding and her attraction to him increased two fold.

"I'm goiin' to kiss you," Carisi quietly announced.

She saw the desire in his eyes and knew it was reflected in hers as well.

"Stop talking and just do it," she dryly stated as he grinned.

Then his eyes turned warm and inviting as he closed the distance between them.

The minute their lips contacted, their kiss was blazing and insistent. All their pent up feelings came rushing forward as pleasure flared inside one another. Carisi was kissing her ardently, and her response was just as eager.

Amanda had never felt a kiss like this one. The heat and pressure of his lips were intermixed with a strong emotional pull and it was intoxicating. Amanda instinctively brought her hands up around his neck and pulled him downwards on the sofa as their desires became insatiable.

Carisi couldn't get enough of her; he wanted his touch to affect Amanda to the very core of her being. His hand began to roam down her shapely body as the heat from their interlude intensified. The feel of her curves beneath his hands were soft and sensual; everywhere he caressed her left a trail of sensual sensations in its path.

Amanda's body trembled against his as he began to brush her body with warm kisses on her neck and face. Her dazed mind could no longer comprehend what was happening as she responded willingly to his kisses and touches. She could barely hear over the roaring pulse from her ears and the loud beating of her heart.

At last they broke apart, their breathing still ragged and uneven.

"Wow," Carisi could still feel the heat of their passion.

"What the hell just happened?" Amanda stated in complete confusion.

Her impetuous comment made Carisi laugh.

Suddenly, a loud, piercing sound invaded their ears.

 _"WaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"_

From the nursery came a baby's wail.

Carisi looked towards the source of the noise. Instinctively he sat up on the sofa, as did Amanda.

"Uh..." Amanda awkwardly straightened her clothes, "...that's Jesse..."

"Yeah, I figured," Carisi acknowledged as he whipped his hand through his hair, "You should go to her."

She felt awkward, "I should."

 _"Aaa, Aaa...WaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Carisi smiled, "Jesse sure puts her whole heart into it, doesn't she?"

"She's got the lungs of a fighter," Amanda smiled back, "A Rollins, through and through." Then as she stood, she added, "I'll be right back..."

"No, I should go. You're busy."

 _"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"Just...wait for me..." Amanda muttered as she rushed towards the nursery.

Carisi, however, stood to leave; he could now go home and relive in his mind every memorable touch, every phenomenal caress. It would be enough for now.

"Tomorrow, then," he stated, not quite sure she heard him over the crying.

Amanda hadn't heard, for she had already switch to Mommy-mode as she entered the room.

The nursery was shrouded in darkness except for a single night-light as she tiptoed to the crib. All she saw were chubby, short arms and legs waving about as the crying continued. Reaching in, she lovingly placed her hand on Jesse's stomach and rubbed it, while whispering soothing words. Carisi had once explained to her that as a mother, she needed to allow Jesse to put herself to sleep, so Amanda purposely didn't lift Jesse up from the crib to comfort her; Amanda was only there to reassure her baby.

She was so involved with soothing Jesse that she didn't hear the front door softly closing.

As Amanda continued to gently rub the baby's belly, a slight smile entered her lips at the memory of her kiss with Carisi. What a night. She looked down at her precious baby.

 _"You know what, Jess? It's been a while since Mommy's been close to a man and I had forgotten how wonderful it could feel,_ " she softly whispered, " _but right now, the important thing is that you sleep. I'll tell you more about Carisi tomorrow, alright?"_

Evidently, her assurances worked, for Jesse had finally quieted down. The baby was fast asleep again, her breathing labored and long.

Giving a final pat to her sleeping daughter, Amanda turned to leave, the happy smile still playing on her lips.

But when she went out to the living room, disappointment filled her heart.

.

.

Amanda had a restless night; she found herself tossing and turning as unanswered questions slammed in and out of her mind.

How should she be feeling about what happened tonight? Why had the kiss between them been so beyond her expectations? What did all this mean? Will tonight affect their future _working_ relationship?

 _In other words, what is she suppose to do about Carisi?_

 _._

The next day Amanda was just as confused as last night. Now reaching her desk, she gave a heavy sigh as she put her purse in her drawer and sat down, ready to work.

"Someone didn't sleep well last night," Fin observed, taking note of her slightly disheveled look, "Jesse keep you up all night?"

"No, she actually slept through the night," Amanda admitted, running her hands through her ruffled hair "It was a rough night because my brain was wondering why I keep making stupid decisions!"

Fin looked confused, "You gonna explain what you mean by that?"

Amanda shrugged, "If I knew what the hell was happening in my life, I would tell you."

"I have those kind of days," Fin empathized, "and when I do, my only goal is to get through the day as a functional human bein'!"

For the first time that morning, Amanda smiled.

She was still smiling when the door to Olivia Benson's office opened and Carisi walked out, looking as sharp as ever in his three-piece suit.

Her heart instantly started beating faster, but outwardly her face remained impassive.

Carisi's face, however, lit up with obvious delight.

"Mornin', Rollins!" he enthused to her as he walked towards her desk.

She tried to remain neutral, though her heart continued to riotously pound, "Hey, Carisi."

She felt bad when Carisi gave a slight frown at her unenthused greeting. But she felt it best they keep to the topic of work, especially with Fin present.

"You were in Benson's office bright and early this morning," she commented, "were you updating her on the McMasters case?"

"I was," he stated, and then with a bit of a twinkle in his eye, he added, " _And_...I also explained to her about _us._ "

Amanda felt her entire demeanor stiffen.

"Us?" she repeated, while nervously giving a sideways glance to Fin.

Fin instantly pretended to be interested in the paper that was on his desk.

Carisi was surprised by Amanda's reaction. It was like an invisible wall suddenly separated them.

"What's wrong?" he scowled.

Amanda stood.

 _"Carisi, may I see you in the snack room for a moment?"_ she asked through gritted teeth.

Fin brought the paper he was supposedly reading even closer to his face.

"Uh, sure..." Carisi responded, looking very uncertain.

They both left for the snack room.

Luckily the room was empty when they entered.

They didn't even take the time to sit.

"Are you alright, Amanda?" Carisi immediately inquired, "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Isn't it obvious? " Amanda now placed both hands now placed on her hips, "I can't believe you already told Benson about us! It wasn't necessary to do that!"

He looked stunned.

"I thought I was doin' the right thing!" he defended himself, "I was just followin' the whole fraternization-at-the-workplace-policy! We're _suppose_ to inform our superior!"

"That's only if we're _dating!_ " she corrected him, "We're not doing that!"

"Not yet," he shifted uncomfortably.

"Carisi, we kissed _on_ e time...that doesn't mean we're dating!" Amanda argued, her eyes flashing with frustration.

And now any wonderful, lingering images of that kiss was just a faded memory.

"Oh." He gave it some thought and then challenged her, "So answer me this, Amanda...what IS going on between us, then? What _was_ last night about?"

Amanda hadn't expected that she would be confronted so soon about the fallout from the kiss. She now looked baffled instead of agitated.

"I don't know..." she fumbled about, "Last night...just _happened._ "

Carisi's face was a myriad of emotions. First he showed surprise, then disappointment and finally understanding.

"I see." he evenly stated, "So you're sayin' last night wasn't the start of somethin'."

Amanda could see Carisi was hurt and she felt bad that she was the cause of his hurt. It was like driving a knife into her own heart.

And then her reaction to his hurting surprised her even more. It showed that she didn't just have a physical attraction to him...it showed that she really cared about him, and that thought scared her even more. Because that opened her up to being vulnerable.

She tried to carefully explain, "We shared a kiss. _One_ kiss. It was a fluke...it came from nowhere! Don't... " she took a deep breath, "...don't let your emotions get ahead of you. It wasn't a date, it wasn't a promise of anything... it was just a spur of the moment that we shared together, okay?"

His face was placid as he stubbornly lifted his head, "Maybe."

Amanda needed him to understand.

"Carisi, the kiss was certainly ... _pleasant,"_ she almost rolled her eyes over her choice of adjectives. Talk about an under-exaggeration! It had been more like a mind-blowing kiss to end all kisses, "...but I'm not going to make it a big deal of it, and I hope you don't either."

She tried to say it in the nicest way possible and hoped he understood, but she knew she wasn't successful when he frowned.

"Yeah, sure, " he finally relented, "I guess I had assumed too much. You've been tryin' to tell me ever since we started this case that nothing could develop between us. But I didn't listen, Rollins, but I hear you now. Loud and clear!."

He sounded bitter. The hurt in his eyes made Amanda feel as though she was the worst person in the world.

 _But didn't he understand that she was doing it for his benefit as well as hers?_

It would never work out between them. Not only were they not suited to one another personality-wise, but both being SVU detectives in the same precinct did not help, either. This job, along with all the tragic baggage that came with it, would annihilate anything good that would could come out of being in a relationship.

And the last thing she wanted to do was to mess up Carisi. She's certainly destroyed enough people's lives who tried to get close to her, including her own family.

No, it was better he kept his distance from her. She was wrong to get involved with him.

Besides, she didn't believe in forever.

 _Buuuut that kiss...oh, that kiss..._

Just then, Fin stuck his head into the snack room.

"Hey! Just got a call back from the lab," he informed them, "You know those emails from that anonymous person telling Laura McMasters to kill her husband? The tech guys figured out where those emails came from. And you won't believe who had been sending those emails."

Carisi furrowed his brow as he switched back to the case, "Oh yeah? Where'd the emails originate from?"

"Like I'm gonna tell you in here?" Fin sarcastically asked, "Unless you got a bad case of the munchies, I suggest we go back to the bullpen. It don't seem right to announce the big reveal in front of the sodas and pretzels-they're not involved whatsoever in the case!"

Carisi and Amanda exchanged awkward looks. It was back to the case.

They had said all that needed to be said anyway.

Sullenly, they walked out.

However, their changed disposition was noticed by Fin, who could feel the awkward tension between them now.

 _"What's goin' on with those two?"_ Fin mumbled to himself as he followed them back to the bullpen, " _Never saw two people leavin' the snack room lookin' so miserable!"_

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	13. Chapter 13

Another Suspect

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Chapter 13

Now back at the bullpen, Fin was updating Carisi and Rollins as to who had been sending emails to Laura McMasters' computer. These emails had shockingly suggested that Laura shoot her husband, which is eventually what happened.

"There's a possibility," Fin informed them, "that the emails came from the daughter, Caroline McMasters."

Carisi and Amanda looked stunned with that announcement.

"Are you sure?" Amanda wondered.

"I said 'possibility'," Fin stated, "but it's a strong one."

Amanda looked confused, "You mean to tell me that the daughter was frequently upstairs sending these suggestive emails, yet her mother never suspected she had been doing that?"

"The emails didn't come from the McMasters' house," Fin corrected her, "TARU concluded those messages came from another house in the neighborhood. It came from the Wilson's house; they live a block away from the McMasters."

"Wilson?" Carisi repeated the name, "why does that name sound familiar?"

Amanda knew, "That was the house that daughter Caroline fled to on the night her father was shot."

.

.

Later that day, Carisi and Rollins drove out to the Wilson's house. They identified themselves to Mrs. Wilson, who had answered the door.

"So detectives," she stated, "Whatever is it that you want?"

"We just have some follow-up questions regarding the McMasters' investigation, Ma'am," Carisi explained, "May we come in?"

"Uh, I suppose," stated a reluctant Mrs. Wilson, as she opened the door wider so the detective could enter.

After they all sat down, Amanda immediately asked, "Your daughter, Tiffany, is good friends with Caroline McMasters, right?"

"They're actually _best_ friends," Mrs. Wilson corrected her, "Why?"

Carisi, however, didn't answer that question but instead asked, "Mrs. Wilson, was Caroline visitin' your daughter here on the night her father had been shot?"

Mrs. Wilson looked confused, "I thought the police already looked into this."

"We're just verifying a few loose facts," Carisi explained, "So we would appreciate some straight answers from you."

Mrs. Wilson reluctantly complied, "Yes, Caroline was here that night. She arrived in tears and was very upset; she told us her parents had gotten into a huge fight."

Amanda asked "What time had Caroline arrived at your house?"

"Let's see," Mrs. Wilson gave it some thought, "It was late, maybe a little before...11 o'clock that night?"

Carisi and Amanda exchanged knowing looks.

They both realized that if the daughter had come over to the neighbors' house that late, she had time to shoot her father beforehand.

"Detectives, what is this all about?" Mrs. Wilson looked from one detective to the other.

Carisi explained, "Several emails had been sent from your house to the McMasters' house on the days leading up to Jack McMasters' death."

Mrs. Wilson looked befuddled.

"Really?" she reacted, "That doesn't sound right! I know for a fact that neither me nor my husband had sent those emails; that's not our style. We usually phone the McMasters if we want to communicate with them."

Amanda next asked, "Did the girls ever used your computer?"

"What?" Mrs. Wilson seemed genuinely confused.

Amanda reworded, "Did the girls ever had access to your personal computer?"

Mrs. Wilson let the words sink in.

"No, I don't _think_ so... " she sounded uncertain.

"So as far as you know, Tiffany and Caroline never used your computer," Carisi reiterated.

"No..." she then looked at the detective with a determined look, " _No.._."

"Have you ever checked your computer's history?" Amanda questioned her.

Mrs. Wilson stiffened, "No, but I never had reason to." She looked at them suspiciously, "Why are you asking me all these strange questions about my computer? Are you implying that the girls have been using my laptop to send Laura some inappropriate emails?"

"Not inappropriate in that way," Amanda set her straight, "but a series of anonymous emails had been sent encouraging Laura McMasters to kill her husband. We believe Caroline may have been using your computer to send those emails."

"What!" Mrs. Wilson's eyes widened, "No! That can't be! I..." she was at a loss,"...I don't believe it! Caroline would _never_ send emails suggesting such a horrid act! That doesn't sound like her at all! There _has_ to be another explanation!"

"The only other explanation is that the emails had been sent by your daughter, Tiffany," Carisi solemnly concluded.

Mrs. Wilson looked so shock, she seemed to be experiencing a heart attack.

"Tiffany!? No, NEVER!" she insistently exclaimed, "NO! Tiffany had been _home_ the entire time that night! There must be another explanation!...Maybe..." she swallowed hard as she fumbled for words, "Maybe it was other kids...the way kids know computers these days, _anyone_ could have hacked into my computer from wherever their location is, and then...and then sent the emails to Laura, making it look like it came from _here_..." she looked unsure,"... I mean, that's possible... _isn't it?_ "

"Except other kids don't have a motive," Carisi pointed out, "plus we already verified that the emails originated from _th_ is house."

"So unless you've had a lot of teenage parties," Amanda added," the sender has either to be Caroline or someone who resides here."

"It's _definitely_ not anyone who lives here!" Mrs. Wilson defiantly stated it with certainty.

Carisi and Amanda nodded and then both stood.

They had the answers they needed.

"We won't take anymore of your time," Amanda stated, "thank you. Mrs. Wilson."

.

..

Outside of the Wilson's house, they walked to the car in silence until Amanda spoke out.

"I'll drive," she evenly stated, as she headed to the driver's side.

"You sure?" Carisi hesitated.

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked..

"Cuz you were driving crazy gettin' over here," Carisi has a mischievous glint in his eyes, "it was like stop signs and signal lights turnin' red were only suggestions to you!"

He was kidding somewhat, hoping to lighten the mood.

She opened the car door, her face impassive.

"I'll take them more serious, then. Get in," she coolly told him as she got in.

Carisi's grin disappeared as he got into the passenger side of the vehicle. Amanda was continuing to act remote. She was obviously still mad about his talk with Benson regarding the fraternization policy. He felt frustrated; not even his charming awkwardness could save him this time.

So he decided that if he wanted to maintain a conversation with Amanda, he'd better keep it about the case.

She started the car and drove down the driveway.

Once they were on the road, Carisi asked, "How'd you'd think the interview with Mrs. Wilson went?"

"-as expected," Amanda commented, purposely keeping the conversation short.

More silence, so Carisi re-started the conversation with another question.

"You think it was Caroline who had sent those emails tellin' her mother to kill her own father?"

Amanda shrugged, "Maybe."

He continued, "-that's really a morbid thing for a daughter to do, if she did do that. She certainly didn't come off as a troubled teenager."

"Can't always predict teenagers."

Carisi hated the short answers.

"Any chance I could get more than a four word answer from you?" he testily asked.

As Amanda made a turn, she gave an obvious sigh but then relented by answering in complete sentences.

"I didn't see any warning bells when I interviewed Caroline the night of the murder," she finally acknowledged, "my impression is that she seemed affectively distraught that night."

But she didn't offer anything new to the conversation so they drove again in silence. When Amanda stopped at the light, Carisi thought this might be the time to clear the air.

"I think we should discuss the elephant in the car," he told her.

"I don't see an elephant," she stared straight ahead.

He turned to eye her, "Well, there's definitely a _distant_ one in here!"

Amanda looked as if she had been slapped in the face.

Then her remote disposition returned.

"Alright, Carisi... since you seem to have observed this so-called _distant_ elephant, _you_ do the talking."

Carisi looked frustrated. She was not making the conversation easy and he wasn't sure he wanted to push the issue.

"You're... still upset," he cautiously began.

"Yeah, and you're overly sensitive."

When Carisi turned to view her, her profile revealed pursed lips. She was definitely not open to whatever he had to say and he wasn't going to keep hitting his head against the wall.

"Fine. You win," he finally relented.

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion, "What is THAT suppose to mean?"

Green light. She proceeded.

"Just that. You win," he repeated himself, "It wasn't meant to be with us, so we won't be talkin' about anythin' personal any more. We'll keep everything professional 'n ONLY talk about the case."

Amanda should be relieved, but she wasn't.

Once again, she was at a loss with her feelings regarding Carisi. She hadn't realized that she secretly wanted him to pursue the topic of their relationship.

She tried to convince herself that it was best they didn't get personal, but even now as she sat with him in the enclosed car, she felt a powerful ache in the middle of her body and she yearned to be kissed by him again. She expelled a calming breath.

She had her pride to consider, after all.

"So... where to now?" she asked.

 _So it's like that._

Carisi switched his thoughts to the case and checked his watch, "It's after 3. We should go have a talk with the daughter, Caroline McMasters. By now school should be over and she should be at home. We could question her again about that night and confront her about ownership of those emails."

"Sounds like a good plan except the grandmother is probably at home, too, and that means we probably won't be allowed to talk with either kid," Amanda warned him.

"I don't mind a confrontation," he shrugged, "my day can't get any worse anyway."

From the driver's side, Amanda glanced over at his double meaning.

But he remained lean back in his seat, staring straight ahead.

This was so unlike the optimistic, ever-talkative guy that she knew. She missed that person already.

But it had to be.

"Alright, I'll make a U-turn and we'll head over to the McMasters' house," Amanda stated, as she got into the left hand lane.

.

The detectives had arrived at the McMasters' home. They knocked and immediately the door opened.

They had expected the door to be answered by either grandmother Ruth Huntington or one of the two teenagers. Instead, they were met at the door by Laura's brother, Larry Huntington.

He gave them a hostile stare.

"What do YOU two want?" he demanded to know.

Carisi's tone sounded more like an order,"We'd like to speak to your niece, Caroline McMasters. We have some additional questions for her. Is she home?"

Larry angrily scowled.

"She will NOT be questioned by either one of you!" he boorishly told them, "Go away!"

"You don't have the right to tell us that," Amanda challenged.

"I do if I'm their attorney!" he bellowed to her, "Caroline and Christopher McMasters are minors and I have already instructed both of them not to talk to the police! _And_ if you two keep insisting, I will file a complaint with the police department against you two!"

"Go ahead and try!" Carisi forcibly responded back, "we aren't doin' anythin' against police procedures!"

"Believe me," Larry tone was low and threatening, "the police harassing innocent minors is no small offense! If you continue to harass them, I will bury you in paperwork! I will even get IA involved! By the time you're cleared of all the charges I plan to file against you two, you'll both be eligible for retirement! Do you GET what I'm saying? Stay away from me, from Laura, from my mother, and _especially_ stay _away from the children!_ "

And then without a warning: SLAM!

Carisi and Amanda were left staring at a closed door.

It was the second rejection for each of them that day.

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	14. Chapter 14

Opening Remarks and Disappointment

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Chapter 14

The next day courtroom was once again filled with the usual sounds of murmuring from the gallery. It was day one of the McMasters murder trial.

Amanda was already seated in the gallery. Her purse had been purposely placed next to her, leaving a small seating space for Carisi. The back doors of the courtroom swung opened and Amanda turned her head in time to see Carisi striding in.

Instinctively she reached over to remove her purse.

To her embarrassment, however, Carisi elected to take a seat at a different section of the gallery, quite a distance away from her. Baffled, Amanda tried not to show that it bothered her as she faced forward.

Everyone stood as Judge Elana Barth entered the courtroom. Judge Barth was known as being fair with a strong moral compass. After being seated, the Judge hit the gavel, signaling that court was to begin.

As the bailiff announced the case number, Amanda looked over at the two tables where the attorneys sat.

On the prosecution side, of course, was ADA Rafael Barba. Sitting on the other side of the room were the two defense lawyers, John Buchanan and Larry Huntington, and finally Laura McMasters who was seated next to her brother.

Behind them was Laura's mother, Ruth Huntington. The grandchildren, Caroline, 17, and Christopher, 14, sat next to their grandmother. There had been some debate as to whether to allow the children to attend their mother's murder trial, but defense lawyers had insisted they be present, undoubtedly to garner sympathy from the jurors.

Judge Barth opened with, "Do the people wish to proceed with opening remarks?"

"We do, Your Honor," Barba stated, as he stood.

Rafael Barba began by summing up the case he intended to prosecute against Laura McMasters. Although he presented it with his usual skillful demeanor, Amanda was only half listening.

She was deep in her own thoughts; still disappointed that Carisi had barely acknowledged her before sitting on the opposite side of the courtroom. Then she berated herself for acting like a lovesick reject in middle school.

Why should she care _where_ he sat anyway? Wasn't SHE the one who pushed him away?

Meanwhile Barba was finishing his opening remarks:

"...The defense will insist that husband Jack McMasters was a monster who continually beat the defendant into submission to the point that she had no option left but to shoot him. The problem with that scenario, however, is that Laura McMasters was not in fear for her life at that particular moment she chose to shoot him No, Ladies and Genlemen, Laura McMasters killed her husband that night because it was convenient for her. She _planned_ and _executed_ her husband's murder..."

Barba walked over to the jury box to drive his point home..

"Laura McMasters committed _premeditated_ _murder_. It was not a spur of the moment decision she made. After careful plotting, she had grabbed the victim's own gun, which she obviously had in her possession, and shot him in _cold blood_...Now, I realize that Jack McMasters wasn't the perfect husband, but we must _also_ remember that he was the _victim_ here. Jack McMasters didn't stand a chance to apologize or run that tragic night; he had no warning. He was viciously _gunned down_ by a wife who had calculated doing the deadly deed. It was _premeditated murder!_ "

He made sure to make eye contact with each juror, "Your job is to weigh the facts and evidence and when you do, you will come back with a verdict of _guilty_ for first degree murder. Nothing less than that would be fair. Thank you."

Stepping away, his footsteps echoed in the room as he took his seat.

Judge Barth made a slight nod and then turned toward the defendant's table.

"Does the defendant wish to make an opening statement?"

Buchanan popped up, "We do, indeed, Your Honor!"

He strolled up to the jury box, "Mr. Barba certainly gave an eloquent opening statement and I must admit, I agree with him on _one_ point. Laura McMasters _did_ shoot her abusive husband that night. _However_ , this case hinges on _'imminent danger'._ Laura McMasters felt that after years and years of abuse by her husband, his rage would soon turn deadly for her or her children; therefore, she bravely chose to act."

Buchanan took a deep breath before continuing, "Mr. Barba wants you to believe that a weapon needed to be held up to Laura McMasters' head in order for her to defend herself; that at the time of the shooting, Mrs. McMasters was not in fear of her life," Buchanan sadly shook his head, "but let me tell you, Ladies and Gentlemen, that theory Mr. Barba is trying to push on you is based on neither _fact of reason_ nor the _law."_

Buchanan walked from one end of the jurors' box to the other end.

"The defendant, Laura McMasters was the victim of constant, _unrelenting_ physical and psychological abuse from her tyrant of a husband, Jack McMasters. You will hear testimony that buttress these sad but true facts."

He next gave the jury a distressed look, "Imagine, if you will, being fearful of your life every time a particular person enters a room; that your body reflexively shakes in fear at his mere presence...that is how Laura McMasters lived _everyday_ of her married life with her husband. And to add to her fears, Jack McMasters was also in possession of a variety of guns, which posed an _implicit threa_ t to the defendant and her children... "

Buchanan went on, but Carisi was no longer listening. From where he sat, he had a partial view of Amanda's back. As he sat, he was wishing it wasn't Amanda he was attracted to. He wished his heart could turn cold every time he saw her. But unfortunately, it would do the opposite.

Buchanan was done with his opening statements. It was now the prosecution's turn again.

Barba stood, "The people call Detective Amanda Rollins to the stand."

Amanda had been the first detective on the murder scene. She stood, subconsciously straightening her skirt, and proceeded to the stand.

Carisi's eyes were glued to her as went to the stand. She looked professional and attractive in a gray suit with a blue silk blouse. After being sworn in, she took a seat on the stand, nervously clearing her throat. Barba had her explain her credentials and then the questioning began.

"Detective Rollins," Barba stated, "Please tell the court the location of Jack McMasters' body when you responded that night Jack McMasters had been shot."

Amanda testified, "Jack McMasters was lying in the driveway, by the side of his car."

Barba nodded. After showing the jurors some photos of the crime scene to get a visceral reaction from the jury, he now questioned her about Jack McMasters' car.

"Were the car doors opened or closed when you arrived on the scene?" Barba asked.

"Three of the doors were closed," Amanda stated and then clarified, "however, the driver's side door was opened."

"Driver-side-door-opened," Barba repeated, to make his point, "So Detective Rollins, is it safe to assume that Jack McMasters was about to get in his car before he was shot?"

"Yes," she testified, "it's evident that Jack McMasters had-"

But her testimony was interrupted when Buchanan shot out of his chair.

"Objection! Calls for speculation!"

Barba shot back with a _'Are-you-kidding-me?'_ kind of look on his face. He immediately addressed the judge.

"Your Honor," Barba's tone had a hint of sarcasm to it, "My witness is a highly regarded detective in the SVU unit. Re-constructing murder scenes is one of the main duties of her _job_! Detective Rollins is _clearly_ qualified to testify as to whether an opened car door meant Jack McMaster was getting into his car!"

Buchanan countered with, "If a car door is left opened, Your Honor, there is no way to determine whether Jack McMasters was about to get _in_ or _out_ of his vehicle _._ For all we know, he could have initially got into the car, but then changed his mind and decided to get _out_ of the car again in order to unleash _more_ of his fury against his wife!"

Unfortunately, Buchanan made a good point.

"Sustained," Judge Barth ruled as she turned to Amanda, "Only testify to what you _observed,_ Detective, not what you think might have happened."

"I understand," Amanda respectfully acknowledged, although her rigid jaw showed she was frustrated.

Barba also wasn't happy; he had wanted to show that since Jack McMasters was clearly driving away, that Laura McMasters' was not in fear for her life at the moment she shot him _._

But Judge Barth had sided with the defendant.

Buchanan gave Barba a smug look before he sat down.

After Amanda's testimony, Barba called two more expert witnesses regarding the crime scene that night. He pretended he wasn't bothered by the fact that the Judge ruled against him earlier with Amanda's testimony, but Carisi knew better.

It wasn't long before the judge rapped loudly with the gavel, signaling that court was taking a lunch break.

.

.

Not having much to do until court was in session again, Carisi had gone back to Central Park to grab a quick hot dog and to be alone. After he finished his lunch, he decided to stroll around a bit in order to relax.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he wandered directionless around the park. Before he realized it, he was standing in exactly the same area where he had shared a lunch with Amanda previously. As he walked up to Central Lake, he stared at his reflection in the lake.

As usual, he was standing alone, with no one special next to him.

Would it always be that way? he wondered.

.

Meanwhile, Amanda knew her testimony was not very helpful to Barba. She tried her best for him, but the Judge ruled against him. Amanda felt she needed some fresh air.

Wanting to get away from the courthouse, she drove to Central Park and found herself walking towards the area where Carisi had taken her a couple of days earlier. It was a picture perfect place, with a view of various flowers of blazing colors surrounding a lovely lake.

She was still a distance away when suddenly she halted and felt a tingling sensation going dwon her back.

 _Her eyes must be playing tricks on her._

All thoughts of the peaceful scenery, the beautiful lake, and the trial flew out of her mind when she spotted a familiar male form. She became absurdly aware of her own breathing as all matters of the surrounding area ceased to exist.

Carisi.

He was at a distance, but she knew it was him, for there was no one quite like him. He stood quietly, stately, with his hands shoved in his pockets. Wearing one of his classic dark suits with a sharp tie, he seemed absorbed with his own thoughts as he watched the water in the lake.

Still unable to breathe regularly, Amanda hesitated, wondering if it was too late to escape. She felt numb inside. Meanwhile she watched as Carisi contemplatively scanned over the serene waters of the pond. She took one step backwards.

It was exactly at this moment that a knowing expression crossed his face and it was as if he _felt_ her presence. He turned towards her direction.

Their gazes locked and Amanda could feel the full impact of his stare.

So many emotions flitted through her mind just as she stood there, gazing back at him… there was pleasure, shock, and wonderment all rolled up into one.

Amanda struggled for composure, as she forced herself to breathe regularly.

And then as if they were in a movie with a slow-motion feature, she watched as he turned her way and headed towards her. A slight breeze suddenly came up, ruffling his hair gently in a most attractive manner.

 _Why was she having this kind of reaction to him?_ she pondered, as she remained rooted in her spot. _After all, hadn't they decided to just be working partners? That there was nothing between them?_

Then she reminded herself that SHE was the one who decided that nothing would ever happen between them.

Yet, right now, all that she could think about was that she wanted him to come closer; she _wanted_ to talk to him.

And it was happening. With every step that he took, her heart was beating faster..

Amanda boldly lifted her head, ready to confront him.

.

.

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	15. Chapter 15

Discovery

Chapter 15

They were a distance away at Central Park. Now that Carisi had spotted her, Amanda had no choice but to wait until he reached her. She nervously licked her lips.

"Hey," she awkwardly stated, as he stood across from her.

"Hey, back," he responded, his eyes warming up, "I'm surprised you're here."

"Me, too," Amanda shyly acknowledged,"Seems I have the same favorite thinking spot."

"You wanna sit?" he asked, indicating a bench.

Amanda was relieved that at least they were back on speaking terms.

She gave him an awkward smile, "Maybe for a few minutes."

They went and sat in tandem on the bench, not saying anything, lost in their own thoughts. Amanda was determined not to become distracted by Carisi's presence. She would keep the conversation professional.

"I wasn't much help to Barba in court earlier, was I?"

Carisi shrugged, "Not your fault. The judge made a rulin' and it went against Barba."

"But it was the wrong ruling!" Amanda didn't want to sound like she was whining, but it was coming off that way, "I wanted to get across the idea in my testimony that the victim, Jack McMasters, was ready to get in the car and drive off; he wasn't an imminent threat to _anyone_ that night."

"Don't go beatin' yourself up over that. All you can do is testify and tell the truth from your viewpoint."

Amanda's mood lightened. _Carisi the eternal optimist._

And such a great listener, too. Looking down, she saw how close they were sitting; their legs almost touching. _Oh, why did he have to be attractive and clever and nice all at once?_ Amanda wondered _._ She took a deep breath in. It helped to slow down her beating heart.

"Thanks for that, Carisi." She next added, "You're slated to testify this afternoon, right?"

Carisi half-snorted, "Yeah, but I'm not lookin' forward to it."

"Why not?" she asked, "You should be on safe ground. I thought you are just going to testify that on the first day Laura McMasters came into the precinct, she admitted she planned to shoot her husband. What could go wrong there?"

"Plenty," Carisi reasoned, "Buchanan knows my testimony is vital for the prosecution. It'll be additional proof that the shooting was premeditated; that at the time Laura allegedly shot her husband on the driveway, she wasn't in fear of her life. Therefore Buchanan probably feels he need to rip my testimony to shreds."

Amanda shrugged, "All you can do is testify and tell the truth from your viewpoint. "

Carisi grinned, recognizing how he had originally stated those exact words to Amanda, " _True_ , but I prefer _givin'_ the advice, not takin' it!"

They exchanged smiles, but then the conversation died down.

Carisi was now silently watching her and she met his gaze. He became entranced with her lovely face; the way the silken blonde threads of her hair tumbled past her shoulders, her intense blue eyes and her rosy flushed cheeks, glowing with feminine beauty.

Amanda felt tremors going through her body at how he was looking at her. She so badly wanted for him to reach over to kiss her again. She recalled her reaction to the kiss; how she melded into him as her whole body came alive with pleasure.

She quickly turned away from him, embarrassed, wanting to erase that image from her mind. She felt her cheeks reddened as she cleared her throat and looked straight ahead.

"Don't do that," she ordered him.

"Do what?"

"Look at me that way."

"Sorry," he quietly stated.

Her pursed lips retracted. She knew she was just as guilty, since she was looking at _him_ that way, too.

"Actually, _I_ should be the one to apologize," Amanda sounded contrite, "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat when you spoke to Benson about us. I guess..." she paused to search for the right words, "I guess I didn't want to think about our friendship changing."

"It's awkward for both of us," he admitted.

He reached out and patted her hand. It was meant as a comforting gesture, but once again, the mere contact sent both of their pulses racing. He quickly withdrew his hand as Amanda forced her eyes to look away.

"Isn't it about time for court to begin yet?" she hastily wondered.

Carisi looked down at his watch, "Yeah. Just about...I could drive both of us to the courthouse, if you want," he volunteered, "'n later, we could pick up your car afterwards," then he teasingly added, "That way, you could be there to watch me go down in flames."

It was tempting to go with him. However, more time alone with Carisi would NOT be wise, she decided. Not until she had more control about her feelings for him.

"Actually, Carisi, I think I should get back to the precinct," her gaze sliding away from his face, "I've got some paperwork to get done."

A shadow of disappointment fell on his face.

"Yeah. Paperwork," he mumbled under his breath, "I get it."

He stood, "Later, then, Rollins."

Amanda panicked as he turned away. She wasn't sure if Carisi understood.

"Wait! Carisi!" Amanda called out to him.

He turned back; waiting.

 _He really is a great guy. And h_ _e deserves the truth._

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Uh, I think... you deserve someone who will jump fences to be with you... not someone who is on the fence about you," she miserably finished, wondering if what she said sounded dumb.

He carefully measured her words.

"Yeah, someone who jumps fences for me. I'd like someone like that," he sounded bitter, "Let me know if you ever bump into someone like that, Rollins."

She whispered, _"I will."_

But she wasn't sure he heard her, for he had already started walking away. Watching his back, Amanda's stomach churned with yearning and sadness, but she knew she had done the right thing.

.

Back at the precinct, Amanda was at the desk. When her mind wander back to thoughts of Carisi, it created warm knots in her stomach. Right now she was thinking about that one special kiss he gave her; how her whole body came alive as her body melded into his. With each inhalation from her lungs, all she could think about was -

"Hey! Rollins!" Fin's voice broke through her thoughts. He was sitting across from her at his desk, "Where you at?"

Amanda slowly turned, "What? What do you mean? I'm at my desk!"

"No, I mean where's your mind at? Just now, I saw you with the goofiest look on your face."

She quickly began moving some files around, pretending to look busy, "Just wondering how to proceed next with the McMasters' case, is all."

"Oh yeah? If you're all that _interested_ in the case, why aren't you over at the courthouse then?" Fin logically asked.

"There's no need to be there; I've already finished testifying," Amanda explained and then head-gestured to her stack of files, "besides, I've got these interview reports to type up."

"I don't see you doing 'em," Fin challenged.

Amanda looked frustrated, as she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, "Can't I take a breather from my work, Fin? Why all this nagging coming from you?"

"I'm doin' nothin' of the sort," he adamantly claimed, "I'm jus' makin' talk 'til you decide to be honest with me, your best friend!"

"Oh?" Amanda lifted one eyebrow, "So you've designated yourself as my bestie?"

"I've always got your back, don't I?" he rhetorically asked, "And you should be thankin' me for that. After all, most friends come and go like the waves of an ocean, but I'm stickin' to you, like...an octopus on your face!"

The imagery was so ridiculous, it made Amanda laugh, "You're sticking that close, eh?"

"Yeah, but why the laugh? You don't think an ocean simile fit my street cred?" Fin sardonically asked.

She smiled, "Yeah, okay, you've convinced me, Fin. We're besties."

He looked satisfied, "Then care to tell me what's poppin' around in that mind of yours?"

At first she figured she would evade his question, but she knew that if anyone would understand, it would be Fin.

With a regretful sigh she admitted, "It's Carisi."

"Carisi?" Fin made a face, "What's he done now?"

"He hasn't _done_ anything!" she claimed, "It's just...I think.." she looked embarrassed as she lowered her voice, _"I think I may be attracted to him!."_

From Fin's expression, it was obviously not a surprise to him, "And?"

"... _And_ ," Amanda continued, thinking out loud, "Tell me...is there a test I could take so I know if it's really Carisi I'm falling for, or if I'm, oh, I don't know...just lonely?"

She looked miserable as she looked at Fin.

"There's a test," Fin surprisingly responded back, "And it's only one question long."

Amanda quirked a brow, "I'm dying to hear it."

"It's this," Fin stated, "What happens to you when your cellphone rings and your caller ID says Carisi's name on it?"

Amanda was totally confused. She scrunched up her face, _"What?"_

Fin patiently reworded, "When you see Carisi's name on your cellphone ID, do you get a weird vibe?"

"A weird vibe?" she seriously considered his question, "You know, Fin, lately, anytime I think of him, I do get this strange feeling...it starts in the pit of my stomach and then..." she paused as her eyes widened, "Oh, god..." she groaned as realization struck her, "I'm beginning to fall for him, aren't I?"

"Fallen. You've _already_ fallen," he corrected her.

Amanda shook her head in disbelief, "But this is Carisi we're talking about!"

"I don't understand it either," Fin admitted, "but that's 'cuz _I've_ never desired him, myself. But if he's the guy for you, then he's the one."

"But what if I mess it up?" she argued, "We also work together... I would still have to see him everyday!"

"If it ends, then it's his loss," Fin stated, "Relationships are complicated and anythin' _worth_ havin' _should t_ ake some effort. You get my drift?"

"I do, but I'm still scared."

"But you won't _always_ be scared. That's somethin' I know about you. And when that day comes, you two will talk."

Amanda took in everything he said. He really did have her back and he gave her hope.

She could breathe again, "Thanks, I do feel better... And Fin?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's just keep this between us and never talk about this again until after the case is over."

"I'll do you one better," Fin promised, "I will _never_ talk about this again _, ever_!" he again made a face, "I mean, _Carisi_?"

Amanda smiled, "Yes, definitely Carisi."

Fin smirked "Actually, he's cool. At least he can shoot straight."

Amanda laughed again, "You know what, Fin? You really are a very good Bff."

"Damn straight I am!" he announced with conviction before returning back to his work.

.

Later, her cellphone rang. Looking at the ID, she knew it was Benson calling. She placed the phone to her ear.

"Lieutenant," she greeted her boss.

"Rollins, where are you?" Benson sounded impatient, "And where's Carisi? I tried reaching him on his cell, but he's not picking up."

"Carisi's still in court testifying and I'm back at the precinct doing some paperwork," she explained, "Why? You've got something for us?"

She could hear some indistinguishable sounds coming from the cellphone; something was definitely happening behind the lieutenant.

"Yeah, I do," Benson spoke over the noise, "I'm over here at Lake Salmon."

Amanda scowled, "Lake Salmon? What are you doing way over there?"

"We got a call at around 11 this morning," Olivia explained, "so I headed out here in time to see it fished out."

"In time to see _what_ fished out?" Amanda wanted to know.

"What else?" Olivia rhetorically asked, "the murder weapon in the McMasters' case."

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.

 _Please review_


	16. Chapter 16

Taking the Stand... _not_

Chapter 16

It was the afternoon and court was back in session. Right now, an expert on domestic violence was on the stand.

Carisi was getting restless as he waited to be called. He still looked for Amanda in the courtroom even though she had told him she was going back to the precinct.

Meanwhile Barba continued questioning the domestic violence expert who was debunking the theory that an abused spouse should be excused for killing the abuser, even if the abuse took place days or even hours earlier. The testimony in effect knocked out the 'imminent danger' theory for the defense. Still, it was complete boredom.

The defense passed on the witness so the expert got off the stand.

Carisi was up next.

He straightened his tie and got ready for Barba to call him up.

At last Judge Barth announced, "Call your next witness, Mr. Barba."

Rafael stood, "The people call Detective-"

BAM!

The courtroom door in the back suddenly burst opened.

Everyone in the courtroom turned as Amanda entered, causing Carisi's heart to give an extra thump. Still seated in the gallery, he watched every step she took down the center aisle as she hurriedly proceeded up to Barba. Reaching him, she leaned down and whispered something in his ear.

 _What was going on?_ wondered Carisi.

The judge did not look happy.

"Mr. Barba, I believe visiting hours are over," Judge Barth impatient snarked, "are you ready to proceed with your next witness?"

Amanda stopped her whispering. After Barba gave her a dismissive nod, she turned and headed out. Just before she past Carisi's way, however, their gazes locked for a millisecond. Amanda sent him a half-smile before she disappeared once again and Carisi's heart made a grateful thump.

Meanwhile Barba addressed the court.

"Your Honor, due to the lateness of the hour, I'd like to adjourn for today in order to further investigate a new revelation which just came to light."

Buchanan indignantly stood.

"Really, Your Honor? How convenient that the prosecution suddenly has a revelation and needs more time!" Buchanan sarcastically stated, "If you ask me, Mr. Barba is making full use of delaying tactics due to, what I can only assume is weak testimony from the next witness."

From his seat, Carisi shot imaginary eye daggers at Buchanan.

Barba also eyed the defense attorney, "I assure you, Mr. Buchanan, that my next witness is willing and able to proceed with helpful testimony to this case. But the people need more time to verify a new piece of evidence that the SVU has just uncovered."

"I believe our time would be better served to continue on with the testimony of the next witness. I am more than prepared to question their next purported expert witness, Your Honor," Buchanan respectfully challenged.

"Did Counselor not hear the words, 'new evidence', with 'new' being the operative word here?" Barba rhetorically asked, "I hadn't realized that Mr. Buchanan suffers from short term memory!"

Buchanan's face turned red as he opened his mouth to speak, but Judge Barth interceded.

" _Unwelcome_ sarcasm works both way, Mr. Barba," she sternly warned him. Then she waved both lawyers up, "Approach the bench, Counselors."

Barba and Buchanan both walked towards the frustrated judge. When they stood and faced her, she covered her microphone and spoke in low tones.

" _Mr. Barba, what is this startling new evidence you have, which requires you to interrupt the proceedings of my courtroom?"_ she sounded insistent, " _and it better be something impressive!"_

 _"Your Honor,"_ Barba stated quietly but adamantly, _"one of my detectives has just informed me that they may have recovered the murder weapon!"_

"- _alleged_ murder weapon," Buchanan claimed, " _and are we certain this is the actual weapon that killed Jack McMasters? Were my client's fingerprints discovered on it?"_

" _Didn't Mr. Buchanan's client already plead guilty to shooting the victim?"_ Barba shot back, " _Mr. Buchanan is so adamant about fighting me, that he doesn't realize how this new discovery will actually HELP his client!"_

Buchanan gave an unconvinced snort, ""YOU _trying to help me? That'll be the day, Rafael!_ _Generosity has never been your strong three-piece suit!"_

 _"Stop it, you two!"_ the judge wisely interrupted, " _Mr. Barba, tell us more about this new discovery, and Mr. Buchanan, your job will be to not interrupt him!"_

"Your Honor," Barba pleaded his case, " _The alleged murder weapon had been discovered by a fisherman in Salmon River. That particular area has several vacation cabins nearby, one of which is owned by Laura McMasters' brother, Larry Huntington. It was identified as being a hunting rifle, the same one missing from Jack McMasters' collection. Because the weapon was only fished out this morning, the People need time to get the recovered weapon tested. If this turns out to be the aforementioned murder weapon, it may implicate someone else as the shooter of Jack McMasters."_

The Judge was curious, "And this weapon was found near Larry McMasters' residence?"

"Near his _vacation_ residence, Your Honor," corrected Rafael.

Buchanan was now smart enough to realize that there was a possibility that the prosecution may drop the charges on _his_ client.

 _"Perhaps I have been to hasty in my judgment of Mr. Barba, Your Honor,"_ he repented _, " I wholeheartedly agree that the prosecution should have extra time to explore this startling new revelation and I recommend we dismiss for today to give them time to discover the identification of this weapon!"_ He then added, " _but hopefully, the delay won't be for too long. After all, my client IS entitled to a fast and speedy trial!"_

Judge Barth sat back in her seat, as she considered Buchanan's complete turnabout.

 _"So noted, Mr. Buchanan!"_ she declared, _"Mr. Barba, I hope your tech people are fast, because I'm giving you 24 hours!"_

 _"But Your Honor..."_

 _"24 hours! Now...step back!"_

The judge announced a continuance as Barba mouthed a 'sorry' to Carisi.

The bailiff declared, "All rise."

.

As Carisi and the rest of the gallery stood, he wasn't sure if he should be relieved or disappointed. All he knew was that it was a waste of an afternoon in court.

That and thinking how Amanda kept sending him mixed messages was not putting him in a good mood. Heaving a sigh, he was one of the first persons out of the courtroom.

.

It was two hours later and Carisi was alone at his desk at the precinct.

Amanda had been gone that whole time from her desk. Being short handed, Benson had earlier sent out Fin and Amanda on a possible rape victim case, but it turned out to be a domestic disturbance case instead. Being that it was late, Fin had gone home, while Amanda volunteered to go back to the office and type up the report while it was still fresh in her mind.

She was surprised to see Carisi still at his desk.

"Hey, you're still here?" she greeted him.

"Yeah, still here. I'm waiting for the results from ballistics."

"Oh. How did your testimony go?"

"I didn't get to testify," he responded, and told her about the Judge granting a continuance.

"Too bad. How do you feel about not testifying today?" she asked.

"Mixed," Carisi admitted, "I wanted it to be over with, but yet I wasn't ready for Buchanan makin' me look ridiculous, either."

"If he tries to make you look ridiculous," Amanda advised, "just say 'Excuse me, I am _not_ a mirror'!"

Carisi smiled. It felt good to find some humor in serious matters.

"How about you?" he asked, "Heard you went out on a case."

Amanda sighed, "It was a waste of time." She then told him how the caller was not a rape victim but just a vindictive woman.

"I hate people who waste our time with frivolous claims," she complained.

"Yeah, they can be so dumb," Carisi agreed, "They're like glow sticks. You want to shake and then snap 'em until the light comes on!"

Now it was Amanda's turn to smile

And both their hearts felt lighter.

"Anyway," she stated, "I better get some typing done. Even though I told my babysitter I'd be late, I don't want to be _too_ late."

So they became busy at their respective desks, knowing that the sooner they finished, the sooner they could get home.

An hour and a half later: _R-r-r-ing!_

The phone rang and Carisi picked up. He listened to the person on the other line, nodding and only asking two questions while Amanda half-listened and half typed.

At last he hung up and she typed up her last sentence.

"Ballistics?" she asked.

"Yeah. They came back with the test results of the weapon found in Salmon Lake. They wanted me to know that they had performed all kinds of tests on it, lookin' for trace evidence on who handled the gun last."

She was at the edge of her seat, "And?"

He looked glum as he verified, "It appears to be the missing hunting rifle from Jack McMasters' gun collection."

"So why isn't this good news then?"

"Because the results were inconclusive," Carisi explained, "the weapon had been submerged in water for a period of time, so they were only able to find one partial fingerprint on the wood stock. We got lucky, since that is the one type of material that could retain a fingerprint."

"And?" she encouraged, waiting.

"And...the fingerprint wasn't identifiable. All they could say was that the fingerprint was small in size."

"Small in size? Like a female's" Amanda concluded, "so it could be Laura McMasters' fingerprints, right?"

Carisi looked expressionless, "or her mother's. Or her daughter's."

Amanda didn't know how to feel, but she sounded tired, "At least we can rule out the shooter as being the brother, Larry Huntington."

"Maybe," Carisi shrugged, "but how do you explain that it was found near his vacation home?"

With the news from Ballistics, there was no longer an excuse to stay longer. Amanda looked down at her watch.

"Well, we won't solve it tonight and it's getting late," she announced, " I think I'll just head on home."

She got up to put on her jacket and Carisi rushed to her side.

"Here, let me help you with that."

"No, that's not nec-" she began, but he was already there, holding out the jacket for her.

Her stomach tightened at his nearness. As she put her arm through her sleeve, she could feel his breath on her shoulders and it caused a tingle to go down her spine.

 _And it was a sensation she had never felt with another man._

With her jacket on, she turned to face him and awkwardly half smiled, "Thanks," she murmured.

They were standing so close to one another. Their attraction for each other was as tangible as the air surrounding them.

Suddenly, Amanda didn't feel like going home just yet. And the babysitter didn't mind working overtime, either, she reminded herself.

"I was so concentrated on the case, I hadn't realize I didn't have dinner yet," Amanda casually stated, knowing she was being obvious.

She thought to herself, _This is your opening, Carisi._

Carisi knew what Amanda was implying. But every time they took a personal step forward, they would end up two steps backwards. It was taking too much out of him emotionally. He was finally beginning to realize that though he harbored feelings for Amanda, it would never amount to anything but an infatuation, and there was no use fooling himself anymore.

Although Carisi felt the familiar flutterings in the pit of his stomach at standing so close to Amanda, he forced himself to take a calming breath in and out.

"Sounds like you'll be ordering takeout for yourself, then," he responded back, "You could, of course, pick up a second order...for your sitter. I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture."

Amanda's lips thinned. Carisi made his feelings known loud and clear. He had just rejected her; but she didn't blame him. She was the one who put the road blocks in their relationship. Still, Amanda couldn't help feeling disappointed.

"I'll take that under advisement," she feigned a smile, "thanks, Carisi, I'm sure my sitter will appreciate the gesture."

And before Carisi could say anything further, she turned and walked away, her steps echoing on the floor of the precinct.

And Carisi felt alone, once again.

.

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Next up: Carisi's testimony!

 _Please review_


	17. Chapter 17

Carisi's Testimony

Chapter 17

With no verification as to whose fingerprints were on the murder weapon, Carisi was called back to the stand the next day. He went up to the stand and placed his hand on the Bible. As he sat down on the stand, the door to the courtroom opened and Amanda stepped in.

Quietly taking a seat on the back row, she gave Carisi an affirmative nod. After establishing Carisi's credentials, Barba began his questioning.

"Detective Carisi, could you tell us the first time you had interaction with the defendant, Laura McMasters?"

Carisi answered with the date and that it had been at the precinct.

Barba nodded his approval, "Did the defendant ever express to you a desire to shoot her husband?"

Buchanan shot up, "Objection! Leading the witness!"

"Sustained," stated the Judge.

Barba tried again, " Detective Carisi, how would you describe the defendant's demeanor when you first met her at the precinct?"

"I would describe her as scared and hesitant."

"I see," stated Barba, "and after talking with Laura McMasters at length, could you tell us what conclusion you drew as to why she seemed so scared and hesitant?"

"Objection!" Buchanan shouted out, "Calls for speculation!"

"Your Honor," Barba sighed, " is Mr. Buchanan going to object to every other question I ask? We have already established that Detective Carisi is an expert in dealing with abuse cases. He is speaking in terms of a professional observer, not his own personal feelings. At this pace, this trial will take _months_ to complete!"

Judge Barth readily agreed, "Overruled. Mr. Buchanan, please limit your objections to only _valid_ and not _random_ objections!"

Buchanan miserably sat down.

Barba asked, "So, Detective, was the purpose of Mrs. McMasters coming to the precinct to announce that she had been abused?"

"No, she had stated that was NOT the purpose of her visit, in fact, she initially denied being abused," Carisi testified.

Barba looked surprised, "So why did she want to talk to an SVU officer?" he asked.

"She eventually stated," Carisi explained, "that she wanted us to stop her from shooting her husband dead!"

There were low murmurings in the court as Barba gave a victorious nod to Carisi before addressing the court.

"...thus admitting to _premeditated murder_ ," Barba pointedly surmised and then turned to Buchanan, "Your witness!"

Barba sat back down as Buchanan went to question Carisi.

"Good day, Detective Carisi," Buchanan feigned a smile and then turned serious as he bluntly asked, "You think my client is attractive, don't you?"

Barba looked livid, "Objection! Irrelevant! Detective Carisi is not being interviewed as a possible date for Mr. Buchanan's client, Your Honor!"

"Goes to the witness's credibility, Your Honor," Buchanan claimed, "Detective Carisi has more than just a professional interest with this client. My client's contention is that when the relationship didn't happen, Detective Carisi wanted to make sure Mrs. McMasters paid a price for rejecting him."

Carisi shot a glance over at the table where Laura McMasters sat. She stared right back at him. Meanwhile Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Proceed, Mr. Buchanan, but I'm keeping you on a very short leash," the judge warned him.

"Of course, Your Honor. Please answer the question, Detective. Do you think my client is attractive?"

Carisi sat back and tried to appear nonchalant, "I'm sure to the outside world, Mrs. McMasters is considered attractive."

"Were you _personally_ attractive to her?" Buchanan zoomed in.

"That's quite an ambiguous question," Carisi calmly stated, " _Attractive_ can have many interpretations."

Buchanan nodded, "Fair enough. Let me ask you this, then. Have you ever shared a lunch with her?"

Carisi seemed taken by surprise.

"Once," he finally answered, "I had gone to her home to ask her some follow up questions regardin' the investigation, and by the time it was done, it was past noon, so she, uh, we had a quick meal together."

"Oh, _myyyy,_ isn't that lovely?" Buchanan sarcastically stated.

Barba immediately was on his feet, "Your Honor, the Defense's line of questioning is not only irrelevant, it's also very weird," he deadpanned.

The gallery chuckled. Before the judge could rule, Buchanan waved away at the empty air, as if he were saying he was moving on.

"Isn't it a fact, Detective Carisi," Buchanan asked, "that not only had you shared an intimate meal with my client, but you've also discuss the possibility of having a personal relationship with her?"

A vein throbbed at Carisi's temple. He glared over at the defense table. This time Laura had the decency to look down at her lap.

"Detective?" Buchanan encouraged him.

"We talked, yes," Carisi admitted, "but it was _me_ telling _her_ that we would keep it professional."

"Oh, I see," Buchanan stated, although it was obvious he hadn't, "So you claim to have rejected HER, although YOU were the one who went to visited _her_...and without the defendant initially inviting you to begin with, might I add."

"I explained that already!" Carisi's patience snapped, "I was there to ask follow-up questions, bein' that I was the investigating officer!"

"Yes, yes, you did say that," Buchanan concurred, "but still, since you seemed to be willing to mix business with pleasure, wouldn't you consider that a conflict of interest?"

"No," Carisi pointedly told him, "it was NOT a conflict of interest because we always kept our interactions professional. We concentrated on the case. Nothing of an intimate nature EVER took place!"

"Really? So you never touched her in a personal manner?" he asked.

"No."

 _"Never?"_

Barba objected, "Asked and answered."

The Judge agreed, "Sustained."

"So your hands never touched?" Buchanan questioned.

Barba stood, "Your Honor-"

Buchanan immediately interjected, "My client felt deceived. I think it's a reasonable question that deserves an answer!"

"Witness will answer," the judge decided, "but then you need to move on, Mr. Buchanan."

Carisi looked confused.

Buchanan waited, "Detective? Did you ever make hand contact with the defendant? Think carefully now. You're under oath."

"Perhaps. I may have put my hand over hers..." Carisi paused and then clarified, "but it was a way to comfort her, is all."

"-Or to lead her on," Buchanan suggested.

"Objection!" Barba vehemently stated, "Counsel is testifying!"

Judge Barba nodded, "Sustained."

"How many times had you privately visited her?" Buchanan asked.

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"Maybe three times," Carisi stated.

"Could you name those times?"

"Once at the precinct, once at her home and once after she had been arrested," Carisi recalled.

"If you were so afraid of how the situation might look," Buchanan pointed out, "why didn't you take a partner with you?"

Carisi stared at the attorney, "It's not stated in police procedures that an officer _must_ have a partner when questioning an individual."

Buchanan planted a thought into the jury's mind, "Isn't it a fact that the reason you didn't bring a partner with you was that you wanted some private time with my client?"

"No," Carisi thinned his lips, "Not the way _you're_ implying!"

"I don't know what other way there is to see the situation," Buchanan told him, "in fact, not only were you interested in the defendant, you also had your eye on one of your colleagues, as well. Isn't that a fact, Detective?"

Amanda's mouth dropped as her cheeks burned red with embarrassment.

Carisi looked shocked how Buchanan was portraying him as some kind of gigolo! He was about to tell the defense lawyer he was out of line but Barba immediately jumped up from his seat.

"Your Honor!" Barba was indignant, "This line of questioning is _beyond_ ridiculous! I have tried to be patient, but Mr. Buchanan is badgering my witness with irrelevant and misleading statements! I request this part of the testimony be stricken from the records!"

"Mr. Barba makes a good point," Judge Barba stated, "We are getting nowhere with this line of questioning, Mr. Buchanan. Detective Carisi's testimony regarding whether or not he found the defendant attractive and any questions thereafter will be stricken from the court records!"

Buchanan gave a slight apologetic head bow, "My apologies, Your Honor. However, I must appeal the ruling. The testimony that Detective Carisi found my client attractive, how often he visited her and whether or not they ever made any physical contact have already been verified as true statements by the detective himself. It is, therefore, only fair that we allow the jury to decide whether or not these facts are relevant or not to the case."

Barba looked incredulous, "Your Honor-"

The Judge lifted her hand as she re-considered. She certainly didn't want this to be the reason for an appeal.

"Mr. Buchanan makes a point," she decided, "The testimony will stand as is."

Carisi's eyes blazed as Buchanan smugly announced, "Thank you, Your Honor. No further questions."

Barba was up in a flash, "Redirect, Your Honor."

The Judge nodded, "Proceed, Mr. Barba."

Rafael walked up to the stand, "Detective Carisi, did you ever give the defendant, Laura McMasters, any indication that you were interested in a personal relationship with her?"

"No." Carisi sounded decisive.

Barba next asked, "So why had you privately visited her those times you had testified to?"

"I was the officer in charge of the investigation," Carisi informed everyone, "and sometimes we need to interview a person more than once since facts of a case may change and go off in a different direction."

"So why question her alone?"

"It's not as if it was planned that way," Carisi honestly answered, "In this case, Mrs. McMasters was very hesitant to talk when she first entered the precinct, but she seemed open to speakin' with me. My superior and, on a different occasion, my partner, had determined that Mrs. McMasters may feel more comfortable talkin' with me in a one to one situation. It sometime happens like that. Someone may prefer talkin' to one particular officer over any other officer.," he paused before adding, "Believe me, there were many times when I was NOT the person someone wanted to talk with!"

There was chuckling heard from the gallery.

"I see." Even Barba smiled before getting serious again, "Now, Detective, had Ms. McMaster ever seemed interested in _you_ in a personal way?"

"Yes."

"And how do you know that?"

"She told me directly she was interested in me." Carisi stated, "but I told her in VERY specific terms I was not."

From the gallery, Amanda seemed to relax again.

Barba nodded, knowing Carisi came off likable and more importantly, convincing, "Thank you, Detective. No further questions."

.

.

Later, Carisi was discussing the case in Benson's office.

"So let me get this straight, you want off the McMasters case?" Olivia asked.

"I know it's may be too late, but I think I may have already tainted the investigation," he told her, "believe me, Lieu, I never led Laura McMasters, not one bit. I think she just took my act of kindness as somethin' more than it was."

Olivia nodded understandably, "I believe you, Carisi. I heard about what happened this afternoon with your testimony. Buchanan really did a number on you."

Carisi shook his head back and forth, "I had no idea Buchanan was goin' to use that line of questionin'!"

"Just like Buchanan to go for the sleaze jugular," Olivia casually stated, "but I think Barba did a good job of stopping the bleeding."

"You think so?" Carisi looked hopeful.

"Yes, and as far as you being taken off the case, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Carisi's expression fell, " Why not?"

Olivia had been sitting back in her seat and now she leaned forward.

"Because you've got great instincts and you're one of the best detectives I've ever worked with," Olivia explained, "so I can't have you up and quit this particular case, right in the middle of an investigation. Besides, how will that look?"

"I guess it'll make me look like I have somethin' to hide," he told her, "or that you took me off the investigation because you felt I had lied."

"Precisely. " she added with a half grin, "Even if I took you off the case, that would mean you'd be chained to a desk doing administrative work...and frankly, that wouldn't work because you're a _lousy_ typist!"

Carisi guffawed as he stood, "Thanks, Lieu," he grinned, "I needed to hear that."

"I haven't excused you yet," Olivia told him, "Sit back down."

"Oh..." Carisi lowered himself back down on the chair, and waited.

Olivia took a deep breath, "You had discussed with me earlier that you and Rollins have intentions of having a more personal relationship."

"Oh," Carisi looked miserable, "You can forget about that. It...didn't work out."

"So I've noticed."

"Is that it? Is that all you wanted to say?" he asked, wishing to be excused.

"No," Olivia stated, as she took another deep breath, "This may be out of my jurisdiction as your supervisor, but I just wanted to say...that I once had experienced something very similar to your situation."

Carisi scowled, not sure where this conversation was headed, "Are you referrin' to..." he felt awkward, "uh, Captain Tucker?"

Olivia smiled, "No.. This was another time that..." she paused, "...that I once felt something special between one of my partners that I'd worked with."

Carisi looked surprised, "You did?"

"I did," she seemed more relaxed, now that it was out in the open, "so I understand what you are going through."

"But... nothing became of it," Carisi figured.

"You're right, nothing ever happened between this colleague and me," Olivia agreed. For a moment she had a faraway look as she reminiscence, "but it doesn't mean that we hadn't shared a deep connection."

"Sorry it didn't work out," Carisi didn't know what else to say.

"There were many complicated factors why it didn't," she told him, making it clear she wasn't going to list them, "or I guess it was bad timing. Anyway, by the time we were both free at the same time, we had realized it was too late."

"O-kay," Carisi awkwardly shrugged, not sure how he was suppose to respond.

"Ask me what the point of my story was," Olivia said.

"Alright, ... why are you tellin' me this, Lieu?"

"Because there's a lesson to be learned here. Always tell someone how you feel," she advised, and then with a deep sigh, she added, "because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye and regrets will last a lifetime."

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 _Please review_


	18. Chapter 18

The Question

Chapter 18

After leaving Benson's office, Carisi felt encouraged and a decision was made.

He would ask Amanda out on a date.

 _But when?_ he wondered. _Should he ask her after the case ended? When would that be?_ After some consideration, he decided the best time to attempt what he planned to do would be _now._

No excuses this time; he was ready.

As he walked out of Benson's office to the main room of the precinct, he quickly glanced over at Amanda's desk.

And his entire demeanor drooped.

She was nowhere in sight.

 _Had she left for the day?_

He walked closer to her desk and hope sprang back. He noted her coffee mug was half full on her desk and her black leather jacket was still causally slung over her chair, indicating that she was nearby. He looked around.

"Where's Rollins?" Carisi asked Fin, who was seated at his usual desk.

"Interviewin' a witness," Fin stated, not even bothering to look up from the file he had been viewing.

"Oh yeah?" Carisi asked, "Who's she interviewin'?"

"Ruth Huntington."

Carisi looked surprised that Amanda was interviewing the defendant's mother, "Really? Why?"

Fin shrugged, "don't know the whole story, but the lady came in, desperate to talk about the case. She was ramblin' about knowin' somethin' else that happened to Jack McMasters on the night he had been murdered."

"Oh yeah?" Carisi showed real interest, "What's her story?"

"Beats me. Like I said before, I don't know the whole story. Ask Rollins when she's done with the interrogation."

Just as Fin finished his sentence, they heard the sound of the door from the interrogation room open. Soon Amanda appeared, escorting the mother, Ruth Huntington, out of the precinct.

Carisi straightened as he quietly assessed Amanda's appearance. She was wearing her usual black pants and white blouse, an outfit millions of women wore every work day, but on her, it made her seem strong yet feminine. The two ladies soon disappeared towards the exit of the precinct.

It wasn't long, however, before Amanda came back. She immediately noticed Carisi next to her desk.

"Hey," she greeted him, a slight smile to her lips, "You've made it back all in one piece from the courthouse!"

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Carisi teased, "I seem to be missing a part of my sense of truth. It got up and ran away from the stand once Buchanan began questioning me."

"At least you kept your cool despite the lies he kept piling on," Amanda noted.

"Yeah," agreed Fin, "If it were me, I would've slapped Buchanan so hard, even the internet wouldn't be able to find him!"

Carisi and Amanda exchanged amused looks. With Fin in the room, Carisi realized that maybe this wasn't the time to ask Amanda out on date; he didn't need any witnesses. It would be especially embarrassing if she laughed, or worse, turned him down.

"So did your interview with Mrs. Huntington go well?" he nonchalantly asked Amanda.

"It was informative," Rollins told him, "On the night of Jack's murder but before the police had arrived, Mrs. Huntington claimed that she witnessed her son, Larry, putting a rifle into the trunk of his car. Scared, she immediately tried to grab it from him, but he held firmly on to it. He ended up putting it in his car and driving away, and then showing up at the McMasters' home later, ahead of the police."

"What?" Carisi's eyes widened, "Hold on, there. So Mrs. Huntington saw the murder weapon and didn't say anythin' earlier?"

"She didn't say the gun Larry held was the murder weapon," Amanda pointed out, "so she didn't feel it was worth reporting at that time. It was a judgment call for her."

Fin asked, "So she never said she witnessed the shooting."

Amanda shook her head, "No."

"Then why the hell say anything at all _now_?" Fin wondered.

"She said she thought it over and felt it was her duty to mention this 'minor' detail," Amanda stated, "but I think it may be a ploy to avert the guilt from her daughter."

"I could see how that may work," Fin analyzed, "Mother Huntington is plantin' the seed that her son could have killed Jack, but yet, not sayin' that. If defense can show reasonable doubt, Laura McMasters can actually be acquitted of the killing. 'N maybe it was Brother Larry who shot Jack."

" _Or._.." Amanda theorized, "maybe Laura _did_ shoot Jack, and then handed the murder weapon over to her brother to get rid of it."

" _Or_..." Fin added, "maybe Mother Huntington shot Jack 'n her son disgustedly took the gun away from her."

" _Or._..we can't eliminated the daughter," Amanda reminded him, "maybe Caroline shot her father, got scared, so Uncle picked up the slack just as grandma drove up. They're all possibilities, and maybe that was the plan all along. To wait and then confuse us. The timing of the confession can only benefit the defense."

Fin ruefully shook his head, "If Mother Huntington was paid every time she came up with a new story, the lady would be a millionaire!" he then considered what he had just stated, "Wait...she _is_ a millionaire!"

Amanda grinned. However, that expression disappeared when she looked Carisi's way. She realized he hadn't said anything for a time. Instead, he had a strange look on his face, as if he had drifted into a totally different world.

Meanwhile, Fin continued talking, "So did Mother Huntington know what eventually happened to the weapon?"

He hadn't noticed why there was sudden silence in the room, but he felt as if he were talking to himself. He looked over at Amanda, "Rollins?"

Amanda had been observing Carisi and quickly turned to face Fin, "What?"

"What eventually happened to Brother Huntington's weapon?" Fin patiently repeated.

"Oh, uh..."Amanda snapped out of her musing, "...Mrs. Huntington never spoke to her son about it again, but it's possible that Larry could have driven out to his vacation home at Salmon River and THAT was the weapon that was fished out of the river."

"And the small fingerprints on the weapon could have come from Mother Huntington when she tried to wrestle the gun away from her son," Fin theorized.

But Amanda was again concentrating on Carisi. She snapped her fingers twice in front of his face.

"Hey, Carisi...Helloooo!"

Carisi hadn't realized he hadn't been in the conversation and now had a blank look, "Huh?"

Amanda asked, "What do you think about this latest info that Ruth Huntington provided us?"

"Latest info? I'm not sure which part you mean."

"That's because you were a million miles away!" Amanda put her hands on her hips, "Did you even _hear_ what Fin and I were discussing about earlier?"

"Yeah, sure, I heard...um, some of most of it, I guess..." he found himself fumbling with his words. He really needed to ask Amanda the question, reject or not.

His eyes purposely focused only on Amanda, "I need to ask you somethin', Rollins."

"So ask."

His stare was so intense at, it made her knees go weak, "I, um, need to tell you in private..."

Fin was smart enough to realize when three was a crowd.

"Will you look at the time!" he announced, quickly standing, "Don't know about you two, but if there was ever a time for a break, this is it!" he started walking away, but turned back around, "..so if you need me, which I doubt you two will, I'll be in the snack room..."

He made a quick exit. They were alone again and Carisi felt his nerves quaking. His palms were sweaty, too.

"What's gotten into you, Carisi?" she asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, sure," he stated, hearing the pounding of his own heart.

"Then what is it you wanted to talk about?" Amanda could not figure out what it could be, but she knew whatever it was, it was making Carisi nervous.

Carisi seemed to working up some courage. At last he inhaled and asked all in one breath, "Amanda, would you consider going out with me?"

Amanda had originally thought he was working up the nerve to ask her to do boring surveillance on Larry Huntington. But...THIS! She stared wordlessly at him, her mouth slightly ajar.

Her silence was deafening.

 _"_ Amanda, stop lookin' at me like that!"

"How am I looking at you?"

"You're lookin' at me like I just sang opera to you!"

The image was so ridiculous, the ends of her mouth tilted up in amusement and she was no longer in shock. She felt relaxed again.

"Carisi, if you were singing opera," she dryly stated, "I'd be plugging my ears, not dropping my mouth!"

He gave her a grin back, "Yeah, that's true, but that's not an answer to my question."

Amanda took a hard swallow, "So ..you're asking me out for a date?" she couldn't believe it and her tone was incredulous.

His throat felt dry and it took effort for him to answer, "Yeah."

"When?"

He cleared his throat, "Tonight."

"Tonight!" A feather could have knocked Amanda over, "You want to go out on a date... _right in the middle of a murder case?"_

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" his voice sounded more confident now, "We have no way of knowin' when this case will end. And even when this case ends, there'll might be another one right around the corner, so I figured might as well ask now before I lose my nerve."

Amanda couldn't get over the idea of him asking her out .

"If you're having problems answering me," Carisi suggested, "let me make it easier for you."

"Easier?" Amanda tilted her head, "How do you plan to do that?"

"Simple. If the answer is 'yes', smile; if the answer is 'no', do a cartwheel, followed by a backflip!"

That made Amanda laugh.

Carisi was grinning, "You laughed! That's a good sign, right?"

"Cari-...that is, Sonny, I'd love to go out with you!"

Carisi experienced a delicious thrill, until Amanda had a scowl on her face as she next mumbled under her breath, "Uh-oh."

Carisi's bright expression fell.

 _Just as he figured._

He braced himself for the bad news.

"Uh-oh, _what_?" he wanted to know.

Amanda looked miserable, "I just remembered something...I can't go out with you tonight."

He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and fumbled through his words, "Yeah... I mean, sure, that's okay...it was just...kinda, spur of the moment thing I was thinking of...but...forget it...I won't ask again..."

Amanda waved her hand.

"No, you don't understand," she explained, "it's because I have Jesse...the babysitter needs to leave at 6 tonight because she's got a yoga class at 7, so it's...not possible tonight... I gotta be home."

She did sound disappointed.

Carisi understood, "I shoulda realized you have responsibilities! Of course, Jesse come first, and if the babysitter is not available..."

Suddenly another female voice interjected into their conversation.

"...but it's not like there's only _one_ babysitter in the world..." Olivia spoke out.

Both Carisi and Amanda turned to see Olivia walking towards them.

Carisi looked embarrassed, "You heard the conversation?"

"Not all of it, but enough," Olivia stated, not looking the least bit sorry, "I am, after all, allowed to walk out of my office to find out from my two detectives how an investigation is going, aren't I?"

Amanda acknowledged, "Yeah, sure, but-"

"But nothing," Olivia stated with authority, " And being your superior with a son of my own, I insist, Rollins, that it's about time our kids get together for a playdate. And tonight is as good as any night. Wouldn't you agree?" she asked, looking directly at Rollins.

Amanda grinned, "Sounds good to me...and thanks!"

"Then it's decided," Olivia firmly stated, pleased, "Noah and I will be over your apartment by six tonight...if that okay with the two of you?"

Carisi nodded, "Fine by me," he stated giving her a look of gratitude.

"Jesse will look forward to seeing you and Noah," Amanda happily stated.

And though Carisi and Amanda were both still a little shell-shocked, they both felt they had the best boss in the world and their hearts felt like singing.

It was finally going to happen.

They would be going on their first date together.

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 _Please review_


	19. Chapter 19

A Dinner Date

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Chapter 19

By the time Amanda was ready for her date, she had been cleaned, scrubbed, reenergized with vitamin C and Brazilian waxed. She had put on a new dress she had stored away in her closet for a special occasion; a blue print wrapped dress. It was both figure-flattering with its tied waist and sexy with its deep v-neck.

So when she had opened the door upon Carisi's arrival, his initial reaction to her appearance was: _I had just walked into a lonely guy's dreams._

Meanwhile Carisi had also taken pains with his appearance. The slight stubble from the last 24 hours had been replaced by a close shave, his usual work suit replaced by an expensive Armani suit. He looked his usual spiffy self yet somehow slightly better, if possible.

And Amanda appreciated the end results. After giving him the once over, she wrinkled her nose in an endearing way.

"You look great and I love the cologne you're wearing," she lightly commented.

At first he seemed embarrassed, but then a dimpled grin answered her question.

"You do?"

"I do," she concurred, "It's not your usual 'I-want-to-smell-like-a-police-precinct' cologne. No, this one has a rather outdoorsy/woodsy scent to it."

He nodded," You're right. The forest bears find me _insanely_ attractive!"

She laughed, "The 'insane' part, maybe."

Now it was his turn to laugh.

It was a great way to start a night.

.

.

Amanda didn't know what to expect as far as a restaurant, but she knew she didn't expect this place, especially the way they were dressed.

"Misoful" was the typical small hole-in-the-wall Japanese restaurant located in a suburban neighborhood of the Bronx. Paper black and white lanterns with Japanese characters hung from the ceilings. One sushi chef worked behind a long counter. Everything about the austere place was clean, cozy, and inviting.

Everyone stared when the nicely dressed couple walked in and Amanda felt as though they looked like a James-Bond-type couple entering a modest, tiny place that smelled of fried food, soy sauce, and garlic. Perhaps they were a bit overdressed, but Amanda liked standing out from the other patrons.

An elderly Japanese man approached them with a big smile. He gave a slight obligatory bow.

" _Irrasshaimase_ , Sonny-san!" he greeted Carisi in Japanese, and then stated in broken English, "So good I see you!"

" _Konnichiwa_ ," Carisi greeted back. He then gestured towards Rollins, "This is my date, Amanda. Amanda, this is the manager of this fine establishment, Tom."

Amanda smiled and carefully enunciated, "Hel-lo. Your. Place. Is. Won-der-ful." hoping Tom understood a little English.

Tom learned into her and whispered, " _Don't worry, Amanda-san, English is my first language,_ " he stated with no accent, " _However, customers love when you don't seem to know much English!"_

She chuckled as Tom turned to Carisi, "Sonny-san, so at last, you've brought a lovely lady with you!"

Amanda really liked the manager, especially since he implied that Carisi didn't bring dates around to this place.

"Yeah," Carisi casually agreed, "I got tired of eatin' alone...you think you can seat us right away?"

Amanda's eyes swept the room and she noted the restaurant wasn't even half full. She thought it was nice that Carisi pretended the restaurant was packed with people. Amanda gave him 10 points for polite diplomacy.

"Of course, of course! A special table for you, Sonny-san!" Tom looked pleased and hand-gestured, "Come this way, please!"

He walked them over to a small table in the corner. As Carisi helped Amanda to her seat, she was thinking that this table did seem more closed-off, as if it was set up just for them. It was also the only table to have a lit candle on it.

 _Had Carisi planned this beforehand?_ Amanda wondered as she looked across at her date. The candlelight gave him a soft glow. In the five minutes she was here, she already felt special. Menus were passed out to them and then Tom disappeared. Meanwhile another server appeared with a quaint teapot, complete with two teacups.

After the server left, Amanda reached out for the teapot. Carisi's hand reached at the same time to stop her. When their hands collided, both felt the bolt of electricity between them and they quickly removed their hands.

Amanda lifted a brow, "You don't want me pouring the tea? This isn't the 19th century, you know; women _are_ able to do _many_ of the things men can do!"

Carisi seemed to be stifling a grin.

"You've proven that many times over, Amanda," he agreed, "however, I stopped you from pourin' the tea because the tea leaves need to seep a bit longer inside the teapot. If you wait awhile, it'll make a more flavorful tea, I promise. Otherwise, if you pour now, you'd be pourin' hot water into the teacups!"

Amanda blushed at her mistake, "oh."

Then she opened her menu and immersed herself in its content, "What do you usually order here?" she asked, quickly changing the subject to hide her embarrassment, "Teriyaki, tempura or sushi, perhaps?"

"That's what everyone orders," he told her, "How 'bout tryin' something new? I suggest the house special. You ever have tonkatsu?"

"Tonkatsu?" Amanda repeated, "No, what's that?"

"It's Japanese fried pork cutlet," Carisi explained, "Very delicious."

" _Fried_ pork?" Amanda sounded unsure.

"Don't worry...it's breaded tender pork, _lightly_ cooked in peanut oil to perfection and served with a sweet and savory sauce," Carisi tried to sell her on the idea, "You won't be disappointed."

"oh...wellll...pffft!, if it's _lightly_ fried...I'm game!"

Carisi smiled, thinking the night wasn't going so badly. When manager Tom came over, Carisi confidently ordered two of the house specials.

With the menus taken away and the ordered placed, Carisi and Amanda shyly looked at one another, not sure how to proceed further with their date.

"I'm nervous," Carisi finally blurted out.

"Me too," Amanda concurred.

Relieved that he wasn't the only one, he also admitted, "I keep thinkin' I'll end up askin' you some dumb question like...'how many meds do you take?' or "you've ever been on parole?' or 'know any good colonoscopy stories?'"

She smiled, "I know what you mean. The first date is always awkward. Yet everyone says dating gets easier after age 30; that it's like riding a bike, _but_ that's a misnomer. It's only true if you happen to be riding a bike... in the middle of an earthquake while the ground is on fire!"

Carisi laughed, "I hope you're not thinkin' datin' me is like that!"

Amanda realized she had given him the wrong idea, "No! Of course not, Sonny! It's different with you," she insisted, then re-considered, "but, still, it's our first date and all, so it _is_ a bit nerve-wracking."

"Nerve-wracking is what I didn't want it to be," Carisi explained. He then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, "I wasn't gonna show this to you, but it was the best way I could think of with gettin' to know you without it bein' embarrassin'." He handed the paper to her.

Amanda scowled in puzzlement,"What is this?" she asked, unfolding the paper and then scanning its contents.

"It's a list of questions I wanted to ask you," he explained, "I think you should let me know which questions are unsuitable for me to ask you and then I'll only ask the ones you don't cross out."

A slight smile touched her lips as Amanda silently read the list. Then she looked up.

"You have a pen? I think I need to make some corrections," she opaquely told him.

"Oh yeah?" Carisi questioned as he took a pen from inside his jacket and held it out for her, "Uh, be my guest."

Wordlessly, Amanda took his pen and began crossing out lines from his list. Carisi's expression turned worried over her numerous cross-outs.

"That bad, huh?" he asked, trying to peer over, but she held the paper close to her and wouldn't let him see it.

"Don't look until I'm done," she warned him, although her tone was playful.

He waited patiently as she crossed out another line and then scribbled a sentence at the bottom of the paper.

"Okay; _now_ it's ready," she stated, straight-faced.

"Let me see it." Carisi stated as he accepted the list back.

He had expected to be disappointed with all her cross-outs. Instead, what he saw was that she had not crossed off any of his suggestions, but had instead _underlined_ them.

"I'm open to any topic," she confirmed.

Smiling with glee, Carisi then read the question she had added to the bottom. Color rose to his cheeks.

 _"_ _What's the matter_ _?_ " she innocently asked, although she knew exactly what had made him blush, "Why are you looking so strange?"

"I'm sure you already know why!" he insisted as he leaned in and stated in a voice low enough so no one in the restaurant could hear, _"You wanted to know._.. _when_ _and_ _to whom_ _did I lose my virginity to!"_

Amanda shrugged as if it were no big deal, "It makes for a lively discussion over the dinner table, don't you think?... _So..._ what the answer?"

Carisi looked covertly about to his left and then to his right, as if he held information for the nuclear codes.

 _"I would never, repeat, NEVER reveal that to ANYONE!"_ he strongly insisted, "... _at least not until the_ _third_ _date!"_

They were still both laughing when the server brought over the miso soup.

.

.

The tonkatsu was delicious, just like Carisi had promised. Amanda enjoyed the juicy crispy pieces of pork served with the exotic dip and the fresh sliced cabbage. The dish was served with rice, a salad, pickled cucumbers and four unagi sushis, all attractively presented on several plates.

"Next question on my list," Carisi casually stated as he took a sip of his tea, "What do you like to do? Hobby-wise?"

"What do I like to do?" Amanda sounded surprised, "You see me every day! Don't you know me already?"

She took another bite of her Tonkatsu.

"I don't know everythin' you do on your off hours," he claimed, "For all I know, your hobbies could include dog sleddin', jumpin' on wings of airplanes, extreme ironing, or navel fluff collectin'!"

" _Really?_ she sarcastically asked, "Navel fluff collecting?"

He looked incredulous, "You mean to say that's the ONLY one you've discounted as a hobby?"

She deadpanned, "Actually, if I ever want to do _any_ of those things you've listed, please feel free to shoot me."

He laughed, "Seriously, Amanda. I just want to know what you like to do besides workin' and takin' care of Jess."

"Well, let's see," Amanda thought about it, "I like to shop for the latest fashion, go to museums and cook in my kitchen."

Carisi looked back at her with unbelieving eyes.

" _Now_ what _?_ " she incisively asked.

"Remember, I _do_ see you every day," he reminded her, "and I know you _hate_ clothes shoppin', you _rarely_ visit museums, and you know so little about cookin' that if you'd ever had to fix alphabet soup, it would spell out 'help!'"

Amanda tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it. Then she pretended to pout.

"Stalker!"

Carisi smirked, "Exactly."

Then she re-considered his question about her interests.

"I seem to like watching trains," she decided.

Carisi quirked a brow, "You do?"

"I must," she decided, "After all, I like cheesy TV shows like 'The Bachelor', and that's _one hell of a train wreck!"_

They shared another laugh. It was a wonderful respite from their emotional-draining jobs.

Amanda next took a bite from one of her unagi rolls.

"Hey! This is GREAT sushi!" she announced.

"It's an unagi roll."

She tilted her head, "What's _unagi,_ anyway?"

He didn't blink, "Eel."

Her mouth dropped, "Did you say ' _Eww'_ or _'Eel'?_ Please let it be the former and not the latter."

"Both," he said, his mouth slightly upturned.

Her face was impassive, "I hate you."

He laughed, "Here," he gestured to the two soy sauce bottles," it'll tastes even better if you pour some soy sauce in this small saucer of wasabi, mix it, and you dip your unagi roll in it. What kind of soy sauce do you want? Lite or regular?"

She looked at the two bottles, "How can you tell which soy sauce is which?"

"Universally, the one with the red lid is regular soy sauce while the green lid one has less sodium."

:Not the less sodium one," Amanda stated, reaching for the red lid one, "I have a condition that keeps me from eating healthy. It's called _loving food_."

She poured the soy sauce into the little serving plate, dipped the unagi roll into the condiment and had a look of contentment on her face after she tasted it.

Carisi smiled as he watched her. Then suddenly his smile vanished as a different thought entered his mind. His changed expression caused Amanda to look concerned.

"Sonny, are you alright?" she asked, her brows furrowed together, "What is it?"

Quickly, Carisi recovered, "What? Nothin'. Forget it."

She scowled, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, anyway, I wanted to tell you MY interests."

 _Carisi had quickly changed the subject. He didn't want to tell Amanda that an idea about the case popped into his head while watching her choose between the two soy sauce bottles. He thinks he now knows who had shot abuser Jack McMasters._

"Hello? You were going to say what your interests are?" Amanda was asking, breaking into his thoughts.

Oh! Sorry!" Carisi had completely recovered by now, "That's easy. Studyin' the law, supportin' local restaurants, and watchin' TV shows like 'The Bachelor', which is NOT a cheesy show, by the way!"

Amanda smiled at the show they loved watching together, "Sounds like we're a match!"

Carisi lifted a brow, "like in boxing?"

Amanda smirked, "Sometimes."

His eyes darkened with seriousness, "but not most of the time."

Carisi's eyes met hers and a shiver went down Amanda's spine. Her mind conjured up that breathless moment in the precinct when they couldn't tear their eyes away from one another. And that one, memorable kiss.

The moment seemed to stand still as they both realized the powerful attraction. Amanda could feel her cheeks getting warm. And when Caris reached out to cover his hand over hers, she felt her heart might explode from happiness.

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 _Please review_


	20. Chapter 20

Being Judged

Chapter 20

Since tomorrow would be a work day, Carisi had to take Amanda home. It was the end of their first date, and surprisingly, it went very well.

They drove home in comfortable silence. Amanda felt this would be a good time to discuss business.

"By the way," she off-handedly stated as Carisi drove, "I don't know if you've had time to look at the main calendar at the precinct, but I've scheduled myself off work tomorrow."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Carisi stated, "does it have somethin' to do with Jesse?"

"It does," she concurred, " It's Jesse's usual check-up at the doctor's. Then afterwards I plan to go sign her up for the next Saturday session of Mommy and Me classes, as well as Gymboree classes," then she looked uncertain, "Hope my absence won't inconvenience you."

"Nah, you go ahead and run your errands," he assured her, " We'll probably just be meeting in the Judge's chambers, anyway."

That was news to Amanda.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"I think I know who may have shot Jack McMasters," he announced, "At least it's a workin' theory. And we need to ask the Judge for more time."

"Who do you think did it?"

"Don't want to say now and jinx it. But I have you to thank for it."

"Me?"

"Yeah. I thought of this theory tonight when I saw you deciding between the two bottles of soy sauce."

He made a right hand turn.

Amanda turned her head towards him, "Wait, what?"

He grinned, "I know, weird, but there it is."

"And you waited until _now_ to tell me all this? Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

Her voice sounded like an accusation.

 _Uh-oh_. thought Carisi, wondering if he should have said anything.

"You sound upset."

"You think?" she looked incredulous, "Sonny, I don't understand why I wasn't kept in the loop!"

He had stopped at a red light. When he turned towards her, half his face was bathed in moonlight, giving him a mystical appearance. His eyes looked deep and penetrating when he viewed her as he considered how to answer her.

"Amanda, I didn't mention anything about the case because I didn't want to talk shop," he explained, "we were on a date, not at an all-hands meetin'! This night meant so much to me and I wanted it to be about us."

Green light.

He proceeded forward.

Amanda instantly calmed down at his explanation.

 _They are on a date...a date!_

 _"...I wanted it to be about us..."_

She felt as though a warm fog had descended on her, blurring the outside world.

 _It wasn't a big deal._

"I'm glad I was able to indirectly help you," she softly told him, as she faced forward again.

Carisi looked relieved. His breathing was no longer taut as he reached out to gently place his hand over hers, like he had at the restaurant. Amanda felt her heart do a leap of joy as their hands became enjoined all the rest of the drive home.

.

.

After parking his car on the street of her apartment, they walked inside the building, and soon arrived at the door of her apartment.

Turning around to face him, Amanda leaned her body against the door of the apartment. Carisi was standing so close to her that a soothing warmth suddenly spread throughout her body and she wondered if he would kiss her again.

"You want to come in?" she asked, her eyes wistful, "I think Jesse would be happy to see you... if she's still awake, that is."

Carisi wanted so badly to come in, to spend some more time with Amanda, he really did.

"I'd love to, Amanda, " he stated but then with regret added, "Unfortunately, I still need to talk with Barba."

"Oh, that's right. Maybe another time," Amanda hid her disappointment.

"Sure, ...like on our second date, perhaps?"

A sweet ache formed inside her, "I'd like that, Sonny." She then teasingly asked, "And what, pray tell, will we be doing on our second date?"

"Ohhh, there are many things we can do," Carisi stated, "It'll be a daytime one: maybe a nice drive, a picnic, a show. It doesn't matter. We could even bring Jesse, if you want. Whatever it is, at the end of it, I plan to carve our initials on a tree."

She was touched by that old-fashioned gesture, "Really?" You would do that? Carve our initials on a tree?"

"I sure would!" he insisted, and then with a mischievous glint in his eye added, "it'll be a great way to show off my new knife!" he joked.

"Oh you!" she laughed, intending to lightly push against his chest.

But the minute she made contact with the hardness of his chest, heat began to rise in her face with the realization that she was physically touching him. Yet she did not removed her hands.

Carisi watched her face, unable to breathe, yearnings filling both of their hearts at their closeness. Neither one move, as they were held spellbound.

Suddenly, through the door, they heard the sounds of young voices laughing and screaming, along with Olivia's playful exclamation.

HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE/AEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!/"OH! WHO WANTS TO BE TICKLED NEXT?!"

It worked to break the intimacy between Carisi and Amanda as she dropped her hands and they shared awkward smiles.

Amanda gestured with her head at the door.

"Guess I better get inside the house before Benson's spoiling has Jesse calling _her,_ 'Momma'."

Carisi smiled and used one of his hands to rub the back of his neck, "It's back to the real world, huh?"

She sighed, "Yeah, and Sonny, thanks...I had a nice time..."

"Me too."

Carisi took a step forward. He felt his heart thump against the case of his ribs at what was about to happen; he would not miss this opportunity. In the semi-darkness, Carisi's hand reached up and touched the side of her face, his fingers curving over her cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of her mouth.

The sensual touch sent Amanda's purse racing. Her throat went dry.

Slowly, purposely, Carisi bent his head to hers as she shut her eyes. He captured her mouth in a heartfelt good-night kiss. But the kiss deepened as their desires heightened. Soon his hands slid up her back to press her closer to him, while the kiss turned scorching. His lips felt warm and lush as they burned into hers.

Carisi could feel Amanda's body molding into his as the kiss continued. Everywhere his hand and tongue touched felt warm and intimate. When they separated at last, they stood close together, their breaths were ragged.

Amanda looked at him with large, wondering eyes. It was as if both of them had these pent up feelings which they released with this one kiss.

 _"This night was everything I had hoped it would be,_ " she breathlessly told him.

His eyes bore into hers, "Any regrets?"

She shook her head, "No regrets...but maybe some uncertainty." she truthfully answered, "after all, it's not about just me...I have Jesse to consider."

He nodded and purposely took one step away from her, "I understand and we can discuss that later. Good-night, Amanda."

She quickly turned around to hide her blush as she inserted the key into the door. Her knees felt wobbly. She couldn't believe how affected she was by him. Who knew beneath that charming awkwardness was a sensual man capable to taking her breath away?

As she opened the door, she turned for one last look at Carisi.

"Good-night, Sonny."

Carisi opened his mouth to say something but then it was like his mind had switched to a different channel. Instead he made a half bow, then turned to leave.

The screaming and laughter of young children blasted Amanda's ears as she went inside her apartment. But she didn't hear any of it. Holding onto the still opened door, she craned her neck to watch Carisi' departing backside, a sigh escaping from her lips.

.

.

It was the next day, and it was a busy one.

After a late night discussion with Carisi, Rafael Barba had requested time in Judge's Barth chambers, which was considered a highly unusual request. With his usual smooth delivery, however, Rafael was able to convince the judge that some new discovery emerged, which may impact the case and fortunately the judge agreed.

So early afternoon a meeting convened in Judge Barth chambers. Present were the Judge, Defense attorney Buchanan, Barba, and Carisi. With these strong- willed people all converging in one area, the room suddenly seemed very small.

Buchanan, especially, did not look happy to be here.

"Your Honor," Buchanan spoke out as he glanced over at Carisi with disdain, "I find this request highly irregular. in the middle of a trial. What is this all about?"

"Detective. Carisi claims to have a new theory regarding this case," Barba stated, "and it's a good one, I assure you. However, the prosecution need time to further investigate. I promise you it will blow this case wide open."

"or delay it," Buchanan miserably added.

The Judge did not look too convinced herself as she turned to the detective, "Please tell us more about this theory of yours, Detective."

All eyes turned to Carisi. He looked visibly nervous as he cleared his throat.

"Yeah, so..." Carisi fumbled about, trying to find his footing, "during our investigation, we had discovered the murder weapon, which had been discovered in Salmon River, a stone's throw away from the vacation home of Larry Huntington, the defendant's brother."

"THAT'S your _new_ discovery?" Buchannan looked incredulous, "Your Honor, we are aware of that fact already and I hope the detective isn't implying that just because it was in the vicinity of Larry Huntington's vacation residence that it points to him as the murderer! That's ludicrous!"

Rafael calmly suggested, "We could always put your co-counsel, Larry Huntington, on the stand so we can question him."

Buchanan looked insulted, "I object!"

"John, this isn't court, so you can't object," Rafael reminded him, then he addressed the Judge, "Your Honor, the people aren't implying that Mr. Huntington is the murderer, although he _is_ guilty of impeding a homicide investigation and lying to authorities, which we plan to file charges against him at a later time."

"So what you're saying," Buchanan stated, "is that we were brought here to hear a known fact, with no connection to anything. No new witness; no new evidence; no new suspect. Nothing. This meeting has been a total waste of time!"

Judge Barth was losing patience as well.

"Counselor," she stated to Barba, "unfortunately, I also fail to see the point of this meeting."

"There _is_ a point, Your Honor," Rafael claimed, "Forensics had already testified that the fingerprint found on the newly discovered weapon was a partial that belonged to someone with a small hand..."

"Your Honor," Buchanan interrupted, sounding very impatient, "There is no way we can ever determine that one small fingerprint belonged to the murderer!"

Carisi added, "No we can't, but in all likelihood, it probably belonged to one of the last persons to handle it, since the other prints were smudged."

Buchanan seemed to be losing patience, "Just what is the purpose of knowing that fact? It's not necessary for us to do further testing to find the identity of those fingerprints, anyway. The truth is, my client, Laura McMasters, already _admitted_ she shot her husband! We acknowledge that she pulled the trigger in order to defend herself against an abusive husband. We _have_ the shooter already!"

Carisi interrupted, "But we contend that the small fingerprints did NOT belong to the defendant. We believe Laura McMasters did NOT shoot her husband."

Judge Barth looked puzzled, "Then why would the defendant admit to shooting her husband, Detective Carisi?"

"She only pleaded guilty to protect someone close to her," he explained.

"Your Honor," Buchanan was giving it one last try, "This is all speculation. This theory was brought up before, with, again, no evidence to back it up. Obviously this tactic is being used to delay the trial because the prosecution has no supporting facts! Not only that, but I am in the middle of defending my client, and to interrupt proceedings at this juncture could be grounds for a mistrial! And I seriously doubt that Mr. Barba would want _that_ to ever happen!"

The Judge nodded, "He's got you there, Mr. Barba."

Rafael pointedly stated, "I don't see how seeking the truth is grounds for a mistrial. Your Honor. The prosecution is only asking for a small amount of time to pursue this new theory. After all, we are all seeking the truth in order to find the real killer, aren't we?"

The Judge quirked an eyebrow, "And who do you suspect this shooter to be, Mr. Barba?"

Rafael spoke with conviction, "The People would like to call up to the stand Laura McMasters' teenage daughter, Caroline."

Judge Barth drew back in her seat, unprepared for this latest accusation. She then leaned forward again to address Rafael.

"Are you _sure_ you want to do that, Mr. Barba?" she asked.

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Do you, therefore, wish to drop the murder charges against Laura McMasters?"

"We ask for like more time to determine the course we need to take on this case," Rafael pleaded, "Therefore, The People are not yet ready to drop the murder charge against Laura McMasters, at least, not at this time."

Buchanan snorted, "In other words, Mr. Barba is going to the bait shop for more bait because it's another fishing expedition!"

"Just making sure we have the right one on the hook," Barba shot back, "In fact, all we need is one extra day."

The Judge sounded uncertain, " _Only_ one more day, Mr. Barba?"

"Yes, Your Honor," Rafael assured her.

Judge Barth heaved a sigh, "I will allow a one-day recess to give everyone time to re-gather their thoughts and/or to find the evidence they need," she looked directly at Rafael, " I just hope The People know what they're doing!"

Barba spoke out, "You won't be disappointed, Your Honor."

Buchanan rolled his eyes, "We already are!"

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge, Mr. Buchanan," the Judge warned him, "after all, if we resume the trial as is, this will surely give the Prosecution grounds for an appeal in the future. Would you want that _?"_

"No, of course not, Your Honor," Buchanan regretfully relented, "I suppose giving the Prosecution one extra day wouldn't be so bad."

"Somehow I figured you wouldn't mind, Mr. Buchanan," Judge Barth looked satisfied as she pointedly told Rafael, "Use your time wisely, Mr. Barba!"

"I will, and thank you, Your Honor."

She then addressed everyone, "I'll see everyone at court at nine o'clock sharp on Thursday. Do NOT be late!"

The Judge hit the gavel hard, signifying the end of this meeting.

Meanwhile Rafael gave Carisi a discreet but optimistic nod.

Everything was going as planned.

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.

 _Please review_


	21. Chapter 21

The Murderer Revealed

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Chapter 21

Two days later, court was in session again.

Judge Barth sat down at the bench as everyone took their seats.

"Mr. Barba," she turned to face Rafael, "Would you like to call your first witness?"

Before he could answer, however, Buchanan stood.

"Begging the court's indulgence," he announced, "permission to approach the bench?"

Another delay. The judge had to force herself not to roll her eyes.

"On what grounds, Mr. Buchanan?" she sounded tired.

Buchanan explained, "Your Honor, I see from the witness list that Mr. Barba plans to call Caroline McMasters, a minor, to the stand as a witness and I must vehemently object, due to the fact that the subpoena had been generated in haste and the minor's testimony may not be considered qualified testimony. Children who testify do not make reliable witnesses. These papers in my hand are verified studies which proves that when children are allowed on the witness stand, they often are suggestible and prone to fantasy. "

From the gallery, Caroline McMaster shifted uncomfortably, and the jurors could plainly see her reluctance to testify.

"Mr. Barba?" the Judge turned to the prosecutor.

"Mr. Buchanan claims that a child testifying could be unreliable would be true if the minor was 3 or 4 years old," Barba argued, "but Caroline McMasters is 17 years old, a year short of majority. I have _no_ doubt that she understands the importance of testifying truthfully _without_ delving into diluted fantasy, which is all we ask of her."

"But as counsel has pointed out, she IS 17," Buchanan stated, "and therefore no matter how close in age she is to adulthood, the _law_ considers her a minor..."

Barba quickly countered with, "Since Mr. Buchanan is so adamant that a 17 year old cannot be considered reliable as a witness in a legal courtroom, I propose that you close the courtroom and impel Caroline McMasters to testify in your private chambers, with all concerned parties present. This will allow Your Honor to determine the validity of her testimony."

Buchanan interrupted, "I object on the principle that-"

" _-Enough!_ " the Judge demanded, "Mr. Buchanan, _you_ opened the door to this proposition of unreliability, but I have to agree with Mr. Barba's solution. We are, after all, here to obtain the truth, " she then turned towards the Bailiff, "I instruct that the courtroom be closed to allow me to hear the testimony of Caroline McMasters. Make sure you have all the principles meet in my chambers. This includes attorneys from both sides and the McMasters' family."

"And Your Honor," piped in Barba, "I suggest that the investigating detectives _also_ be permitted to attend. They might offer some further insight into the case."

"Fine. _Fine_ ," the Judge relented, "let's just quickly close the courtroom before we have to squeeze the entire city into my chambers!"

It was decided; the gavel came down.

From the gallery, Carisi and Rollins exchanged looks.

This should be interesting.

.

.

The entire McMasters/Huntington family, including mother Ruth and brother Larry Huntington, was present as well as Barba, Buchanan, and the two detectives. At the head desk sat the Judge. Next to her was an empty chair, as well as the court reporter. and a Bailiff.

"Even though this is a more informal setting," Judge Barth announced, "the testimonies heard today will be as legally binding as if it had been presented in the courtroom. All potential witnesses have been sworn in," she turned to Barba, "Mr. Barba, would you like to call your first witness?"

"I would, Your Honor," Barba stated, "the state would like to call Detective Dominick Carisi."

Buchanan's mouth dropped.

"Your Honor!" Buchanan immediately interceded, "I was under the impression that Mr. Barba would be calling Caroline McMasters to the stand! After all, wasn't that the purpose of having this proceedings in chambers?"

Barba noted, "I never said my _first_ witness would be Miss McMasters! Defense counsel is making bad assumptions...once again."

Buchanan looked indignant over the insult about him, "Your Honor, Mr. Barba should be found in contempt!"

"Yes, yes, once again Mr. Barba is found to be impugning your reputation, yada-yada" Judge Barth sighed, "Whatever objection you may have, Mr. Buchanan, it is overruled for now. May we just get on with the testimony?"

Carisi went up and sat in the emptied chair, facing everyone, ready to testify.

"Detective Carisi," Barba began, "At any time, had you visited Laura McMasters in prison?"

"Yes," Carisi testified, "I had visited Mrs. McMasters after she had instructed her lawyer to change her plea to guilty."

"How strange that she would change her plea in the middle of a trial," Barba repeated for all to hear, "It doesn't happen often..." he paused for effect, "...so, Detective, did that send up a red flag for you?"

"Objection!" Buchanan yelled out, "Counsel is testifying _and_ leading the witness as well!"

Barba argued, "I may be leading the witness, but it's towards the direction of the truth!"

Buchanan interrupted, "Your Honor-"

The Judge leaned forward, "Counselors! Although we are listening to testimonies informally in my chambers , that doesn't mean I will allow smug declarations and over-the-top indignations in here!"

Both attorneys looked guilty.

The Judge looked satisfied as she nodded to Rafael, "Continue, Mr. Barba."

"Certainly, Your Honor," Barba looked confident, "Detective Carisi,...that time you had visited Mrs. McMasters in prison...did she say anything you would deem as rather strange or didn't sit right with you?"

"Only one," Carisi acknowledged, "Laura McMasters had stated to me that her mother was right; that Laura deserved to be in here, meanin' in prison. Initially I figured she was just feelin' down and out, because, it seemed odd to be thinkin' about her mother at that precise moment. We hadn't mentioned Mrs. Huntington at all throughout the visit."

Barba asked, "So what conclusion, as a well-seasoned detective, did you draw regarding Mrs. McMasters' statement mentioning her mother?"

Buchanan stood to object, but when he saw the scowl on the Judge's face, he thought better of it and sat down again.

Carisi explained, "That perhaps Mrs. Huntington was the one who convinced her daughter, Laura McMasters, to plead guilty; that perhaps there was coercion on the part of the defendant's mother."

Ruth Huntington stood up and angrily shouted out, "I _resent_ the Detective's implication!"

The Judge immediately berated her, "Mrs. Huntington, this is not a football game! You cannot just shout out in my chambers! Sit down!"

Ruth Huntington sat down and miserably folded her arms.

"Proceed, Mr. Barba," Judge Barth stated, "but keep in mind that the sands of your hourglass are quickly running out! Get to your point _faster!_ "

"I will, Your Honor, I was just laying the groundwork," Barba explained, "So detective, why do you think Mrs. Huntington would want her own _daughter_ to remain in prison?"

"I think both women were tryin' to protect a family member; someone they both dearly loved above even themselves."

It was obvious where this was heading.

Larry Huntington jumped up, "Liar!"

Ruth Huntington angrily shook her finger, "This trial is a complete SHAM!"

Judge Barth banged her gavel again.

"Mrs. Huntington! Mr. Huntington! I _must_ insist on ORDER!" she berated them, "I realize this is a emotionally-charged trial for the two of you, but if you cannot control yourselves, the bailiff will escort the two of you out of here! This is my _final_ warning!"

Both Huntingtons quieted down. Then Buchanan stood.

"Your Honor," the defense lawyer objected, "I submit we strike Detective Carisi's entire testimony. What he is alluding to is pure conjecture-with no proof of _anything_ he has stated!"

"Not conjecture," Rafael immediately intercepted, "but reasonable inference. Detective Carisi testified to relevant information, and any sensible mind could easily draw the correct conclusion. Thank you, Detective. No further questions from this witness."

When Buchanan declined to question Carisi, he stepped down and Rafael called his next witness.

"I call Caroline McMasters to the stand."

A distraught looking Caroline McMasters was visibly shaking as she stood.

Next to her sat her brother Christopher. When the 14-year-old witnessed Caroline's frightened demeanor, he angrily rose from his seat as well.

"Leave my sister alone!" he demanded.

The Judge immediately berated the young man, "Mr. McMasters, you will remain quiet and respectful during these proceedings!

" _No! I will not!_ " his voice was firm and adamant and then he suddenly blurted out, "She's innocent! Caroline didn't do it!" he paused and then in his most forceful manner, admitted, "... **_I_** DID!"

Mouths dropped throughout the room. And then suddenly everyone was yelling at once. The noise level was deafening until the Judge banged her gavel loudly and threatened to clear the room if everyone did not settle down.

She was able to take control of her chamber again.

However, Christopher remained standing, but this time, a calm and peaceful presence seemed to surround him now.

"Your Honor," he addressed the judge respectfully this time, _"I shot my dad,_ " he quietly confessed to the hushed room, _"only me."_

When Caroline heard his confession, she sorrowfully dropped her head into her hands, her shoulders shaking in grief. For a time, her sobbing was the only sound heard in the room.

Then the Judge looked sympathetically at Christopher, " Mr. McMasters, I suggest that you say nothing more and that you retain counsel."

Buchanan slowly stood and stated in a tired tone, "I need time to consult with my _new_ client, Your Honor."

So the pieces of the puzzle had finally fallen into place.

And the truth was revealed.

It had been Christopher McMasters who had shot his father.

The entire McMasters/Huntington family began sobbing as they all realized they could no longer protect the youngest loved member of their family.

Justice had, unfortunately, found its mark.

.

Afterwards, as Amanda and Carisi left the Judge' chambers, neither looked happy. Christopher McMasters was led away to juvenile court while the rest of the family left together to strategize how next to proceed.

As the detectives stood in the courtroom hallway, Amanda asked, "Sonny, you somehow knew it was Christopher who shot his father, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't until I saw you makin' the decision between the two soy sauce bottles at the restaurant that I realized he was the shooter.'

Amanda nodded

"I get it," she stated, recalling that time when she had chosen the bottle with the 'low sodium' not the more-used 'regular' bottle, "just like the two bottles, it wasn't the obvious choice that was the one, but the other, _not_ expected one."

He nodded, pleased, "Exactly."

She next asked, "So Barba accusing Caroline was merely a ploy?"

"It was. Barba and I both knew the entire family would forever protect Christopher, so no way would we get a confession. Barba figured the only way to get Christopher McMasters to confess is if he saw that his sister might take the fall for him."

Amanda sighed, "Hopefully both children will receive the best psychological care there is. And the rest of the family could use some, too. What happened inside the McMasters home that led to this tragedy was beyond anyone's help to intervene..."

Carisi felt his stomach churning, "I feel so drained," he miserably stated.

"Me, too," Amanda acknowledge, "but-"

They next heard a female voice behind them calling them.

"-Detective Rollins? Dominick?"

They both turned to see Laura McMasters standing behind them. She had come back to talk with them.

She looked uncertain, "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

"No," Carisi answered a bit coolly, "We were just talkin' about the results of the case."

She nodded and bitterly remarked, "It wasn't exactly the perfect ending, was it?"

"They rarely are," Amanda answered.

Laura then turned to Carisi, "Dominick, I'm really sorry about making you look bad on the stand that other time in court. You didn't do anything inappropriate towards me, but...I was so afraid. For my son. I was desperate..."

"You should have let justice run its course," Carisi opinioned.

Laura nodded, though she still looked miserable, "I-I just...never wanted either of my children to be involved in my miserable marriage. But now I see that I could have avoided all this by leaving Jack long ago."

"What's done is done," Amanda comfortingly told her, "You can't change the past."

Fresh tears came to Laura' s eyes, "I made a mess of everything, haven't I? He did it for me, you know," her eyes saddened even more, "Christopher, I mean. He shot Jack because I wasn't strong enough to stand up to my own husband."

Carisi's attitude softened, "Laura, your son thought he was protectin' you; that shows how much he loves you. The best you can do for now is to be there for him, too."

As the words sunk in, Laura's face then changed to one of determination.

"Of course, you're right. He needs me more than ever now...and I will be there!" she decided, sounding more powerful than she ever had before. Then taking a deep breath she gratefully said, "Thank you, Detectives."

They acknowledged her words.

Then Laura shyly asked, "Would both of you consider accompanying me to juvenile detention and then going out to lunch with me, my treat?" she looked around at the empty hallway, her family long gone, "I could use the support of two people who _won't_ be yelling at one another and everyone else in the room!."

The detectives exchanged smiles.

Amanda spoke up first, "I can't make it, but you go ahead, Sonny."

Carisi looked surprised. They had earlier decided to go out to lunch together.

"I don't think-" Carisi protested.

"No, I insist that you go," Amanda told him, "I have some typing to do, anyway. Go where you are needed."

"I may be gone for a while," he warned.

"Go," Amanda prodded him, "Gooooo..."

"Uh, okay..."

He still seemed reluctant as he led Laura McMasters, now a free woman, away. Amanda kept up her smile the whole time until the two had disappeared around the corner.

.

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 _Last chapter coming up!_

 _Please review_


	22. Chapter 22

Realizations

Chapter 22

It was early Saturday evening and Amanda had just finished changing Jesse. Removing the baby from the changing table, she carried her into the living room and walked her over to the large window.

A light drizzle had begun, very common for springtime weather in New York City.

 _DrippleDopDrippleDopDrippleDopDrippleDop..._

Droplets of water appeared on the window, as Jesse babbled on while Amanda watched the world go by.

Down below she saw a couple immersed with one another; talking and sharing. Nearby an elderly man was also seen helping his wife out the car, while a teenage boy was smiling shyly at a pretty young girl as they shared an Ipad. Everyone seemed to have someone. Everyone, that is, except her.

Oh, her date with Carisi was wonderful, turned out even better than she expected, but she had so many unanswered questions. Could she really make it work with him? Judging from her string of relationships, the answer would be no. They have all ended up disastrous, and what if it didn't work out as well? How could they work together then? Would it be worth the risk?

Her thoughts were interrupted when Jesse reached out one of her chubby hands to touch the window, leaving a small smudged hand print on the pane. It made Amanda smile at the precious gift in her arms.

"What those couples down there _don't_ have is a cute little baby to hold and cuddle, now do they?" she cooed, as she hugged and kissed her baby on the cheek.

Jesse didn't understand the words, but she obviously understood her mother's pleasure, as she rewarded Amanda with a huge smile spread all across her face while she happily clapped her hands together at the same time.

And Amanda's loneliness was suddenly swept away.

.

By the time she put Jesse to bed, however, the loneliness had returned. Or maybe it wasn't loneliness, Amanda reasoned, maybe it was something else. She went into the kitchen to make heat up some warm milk. Perhaps that would help soothe the empty hole she seemed to have in her heart. It didn't help much. Her stomach felt heavy, as if she had swallowed a stone.

As she sat at the table alone, a smile played on her lips as she replayed the whole date with Carisi in her mind. The nervous glances, the list of topics to discuss, the laughter, the tasting of the food and finally, the happiness of just being herself.

 _Happiness._

 _She felt happiness being with a man..._ a new concept for her.

And realization hit her.

Without Sonny Carisi in her life, the empty space in her heart will always echo with silence.

" _What a fool I've been for fighting my feelings_ ," Amanda spoke out loud to herself, berating herself for almost missing an opportunity. She needed to tell him her feelings _now_ , she decided, as she rushed to the phone to call her sitter.

.

.

The sky had darkened from a silver-white to gray by the time Amanda parked her car. There was no available parking spots close enough to Carisi's apartment, so after circling around the street a few times, she was fortunate enough to find one free spot for her car to squeeze into.

As she got out of her car, it was at that precise moment that the clouds decided to open up and suddenly Amanda was bombarded with fierce raindrops and she was caught in a downpour.

 _SplishSplishSplishSplishSplishSplishSplishSplishSplishSplish..._ _._

 _Grrrrrrrrrr_! she groaned, realizing, too late, that she had no umbrella. There was not much she could do but pick up her pace as she continued to maneuver herself through the rain-soaked above the sky continually rumbled as the heavy waters fell incessantly, dripping off the top of her head while the rest of her body was soaked through and through.

She didn't bother to get buzzed in when she reached the entrance of his building. Instead, it didn't take long for one of the residents to open the door, Amanda slipped in, relieved to be out of the rain. By the time she had entered Carisi's apartment, she was drenched. Water seemed to drip from all angles of her body.

 _"I look a mess,"_ she thought to herself, yet she could not turn back. Right now, all she wanted was to show Carisi her feelings. He always seemed to make the first move, now it was her turn. No more hesitations. At last she stood in front of his door, and that's when her confidence began to suddenly sag again.

" _Am I doing the right thing? What if he rejects me?_ " She internalized. But, no, she would not let her pride get in the way. If he told her to leave, then so be it. At least she knew. Otherwise she would burst if she didn't admit her feelings.

She had come so far already.

There was no turning back.

Determined, Amanda cleared her throat, brought her fist up and gave the door two loud raps. She heard footsteps and her anticipation grew. Resolutely she stood firm, and when the door opened, her eyes lit up.

...until she saw the young, attractive woman standing in front of her.

"Yes?" the olive-skinned woman asked her, in a slight accent.

The air seemed to go out of Amanda. She felt even worse knowing she looked awful with wet stringy hair, make-up probably running down her face and rain-drenched clothes.

"I, um, must have the wrong apartment," Amanda apologized as she began backing away, "I-I thought this was the apartment of Dominick Carisi."

The door opened wider.

"Yes, Sonny lives here.." the woman acknowledged, looking Amanda up and down,"But I see you are much rainy wet! Do you want to come in to dry off?"

Amanda just wanted to shrink into nothingness. This exotic creature standing dry and lovely was probably Carisi's date. His date! So what the hell was she and her soggy-self doing here?

At least she would leave with dignity.

"No, that's fine/It's nothing/I'm just one of Carisi's co-workers," Amanda was talking faster than usual, "I needed to get some paperwork from him/But it can wait until tomorrow. At the office. Across town/I'll just go now..." , she anxiously blathered, ready to sprint away.

"Wait! You're one of Sonny's co-workers?" the young woman asked with a scowl. Then suddenly her whole face lit up, " _Ma naturalmente!"_ she realized, _"_ Of course! _Amanda_! You are Sonny's _Amanda_ , no? He speak of you often! I am Gina, Sonny's oldest sister!"

Relief shot throughout Amanda's body.

"Gina? Oh, so good to meet you!" Amanda smiled at last, "I would shake hands with you, but I'm drenching wet!"

"What is this about a handshake? _Family_ do not shake hands, we hug! Wet or no wet!" Gina insisted, ignoring Amanda's water-logged condition. She opened her arms, "We must greet each other properly!"

With smiles, they hugged. When they separated, Amanda looked around.

"Is... Sonny around?"

"Sonny? _Si!_ I mean, yes!" she enthusiastically told Amanda, "He is in laundry room at the end of the hallway, washing clothes! My brother is not my brother until his clothes are cleaned and folded!"

Amanda grinned, "That's Sonny alright!" She then asked, "You don't mind if I go see him, do you? I would like to talk with him."

"Oh?" Gina's face turned concerned, for she knew well the nature of Sonny's job, "Has something terrible happened at work?"

"Oh, no, not at all," Amanda assured her, "I just...need to tell him something."

Gina's face brightened with a knowing look, "Ah! It is a matter of the heart, then!"

Amanda was going to deny it, but she liked Gina a lot and instead smiled, "It is."

"Then go! _Allora vai!_ Be off with you! " Gina exclaimed as she pointed Amanda in the right direction down the hallway.

Gina was still smiling as Amanda walked away, " _L'amore è nell'aria!_ " she mumbled to herself, "Love is in the air!"

And then she quietly shut the door.

.

Trepidation at admitting her feelings to Sonny filled Amanda's heart as she continued on her way. Yet, on the other hand, she couldn't wait to see him. Just seeing him would make her feel...well, make her _feel,_ and she liked that; _needed_ that.

When she opened the door to the basement, she crept inside, silently shut the door behind her and hid from view among the big boxes placed near the entrance.

 _RumbleRumbleRumbleRumbleRumble..._

Still hidden from view, Amanda could hear the sound of the drying machine swishing. When it suddenly came to an abrupt stop, the sound of a vacuum-sealed door opening could next be heard. Sticking her head out from behind the boxes, she took a peek inside the laundry room.

A lone light bulb cast the only light in the room.

Amanda's heart leaped with delight at seeing Carisi. He was attractively dressed in casual wear, which she rarely saw: blue jeans (she _never_ seen him in jeans!), a denim shirt, with a red sweater pullover on top. At this point he was oblivious to her presence, whistling happily to himself while standing behind a table, folding his clothes and putting them back in the basket.

Amanda's insides were quivering as she came out from her hiding and stood out in the middle of the room. She waited, not making a sound. Carisi was still whistling while folding a shirt. He suddenly stopped, as if he sensed a presence.

He looked above the shirt he had been folding and his mouth slightly opened in astonishment.

Amanda swallowed hard, "Hey," she greeted him, as if it were a regular day in the office.

Carisi felt a tightness in his chest upon seeing Amanda.

"Amanda..." he stated in a surprised tone, "um...Why are you here, all water-drenched?"

She smiled, "It's called _rain_ , Sonny."

"No, no... I can see you're all water-drenched, but why are you _here_? In my laundry room?"

"Oh that." She took steps towards him, her face solemn, "Well, I was home tonight with Jesse..." she began, "...and when it started drizzling, it got me thinking... a lot...and I realized that although I'm a strong woman, I've been going through life... scared..."

By now she stood in front of him across the table as he tilted his head.

"Scared?" he repeated, "Scared of what?"

"Of you," she simply said, her eyes large and revealing, "and how much you mean to me."

It was the toughest thing she had ever done; to admit her true feelings for a man.

Carisi's heart clenched in his chest at Amanda's words. He dropped his shirt and went around the table to close the gap further between them. They now stood opposite one another. Gingerly he reached up and gently brushed a wet strand of hair from her face. She shivered not only from his touch, but from her wet clothes as well.

"Oh god," she moaned, her cheeks reddened as realization hit her, "don't look at me! I'm a big, watery mess!"

The timbre of his voice then changed to one of tenderness as he smiled down at her, "No, you're a _beautiful_ mess, Amanda. And I'm in love with you."

His words were everything she ever wanted to hear. A longing for him grew with each breath she took. As she gazed into his handsome face, she thought his smile seemed to light up the dark corners of the room, as well as her heart. She reached up to touch the newly formed dimple on his face.

"Sonny, I love you, too," she also admitted, as her light caress caused his body to shudder.

 _SplishSplishSplishSplishSplish..._

The rain was still pouring outside, but now it was a reminder of the warmth and comfort they felt in each other's presence.

Wordlessly, Sonny reached for and wrapped around his hands around Amanda's waist, pulling her even closer to him.

No words were needed as Amanda flung her arms around his neck as he lowered his head for a kiss. His lips moved over hers with rising urgency. As he pressed her further into his warmth, she responded willingly back. The kiss burned across their mouths as before, but now a passion of love blazed deep within both their hearts.

When they separated, they both let out a slow breath, their gazes filled with quiet reverence.

At last Carisi broke the silence.

"Come on," he said, as he reluctantly left her to gather his laundry basket.

"Where are we going?" she wondered.

"To my place," he stated as they both began walking, "we're gonna kick my sista outta my place so we could spend some alone time together!" he mischievously added a quick wink.

She teasingly pushed him, "Dominick Carisi! Don't you DARE be rude to your sister! She is _so_ nice!"

"Then you don't know her at all," he straight-faced her back.

She laughed.

By now they had reached the doorway of the basement and Carisi reached over to turn off the light switch, bathing the basement in darkness once again.

But the light of happiness continued to follow Sonny and Amanda as they laughed and talked down the hallway, oblivious to anything or anyone else; they were only aware of being in the loving company of one another.

THE END

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 _And that's it! Thank you SO much for reading!_

 _I loved writing this!_

 _Please review for the last time!_


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